What is it that we can do when we really want to talk and yet we are aware that we cannot do so? This has eluded me for a real long time. This thought just has stuck on me, worse than any kind of glue. Life around this thought continues to be completely blue.
From a person who expressed anything and everything, to a person who shut everything within, coming back to express again is much difficult a thing to do. So many a times I have dug a rabbit hole for myself, a hole that went deeper and deeper that all I found in it was darkness and more darkness. At times, I did feel like I was walking through an endless tunnel and everytime I saw a ray of light, instead of fastening my pace towards light, I ran away from it, thinking that it was a fast approaching time.
The most healthiest man, when bed ridden with sickness, wants to spend the rest of his living time with near and dear ones. The richest man, when shun from the glory of his riches, wants to spend the times of his loneliness with someone close to him. Somehow, when we really feel that void within us, we wish to spend it with someone who could complete the void. Many a times, we get confused about that person, and we tend to choose the incorrect ones. Many a times, we tend to get blindfolded and somehow we manage not to hear ourselves out. Over a period of time, we tend to find the correct one.
The urge to express is sometimes the most fascinating one. It makes us to so many unbelievable and unknown things, which otherwise we would never have done. For instance, I expressed my love only because I had the urge to express. I would not have done it if I did not have the urge. Similarly, the urge to talk to someone is also the same.
While a part of me is constantly wanting me to do certain things, a part of me is opposing me from doing it. For several days, I have an urge to talk certain things out, let someone know, most importantly, let the other person know what I want to say or what I am going through. Over a period of time, I have mastered the art of resenting, and this mastery has now become my enemy.
usually when I am ill, I dont take rest. Instead, I involve myself. As a result, I dont let the sickness of my body affect the strength of my mind. On more than one account, we tend to feel the void when the courage of the heart, strength of the mind are weakened by the sickness of the body. Someone once said that the most beautiful voice of a person is the one who resonates your soul, the one whom we love. At this time, I can say one thing for sure. My soul is resonating and every time I wish to talk to the person, the resonance peaks, the urge shoots roof tops. What do I do? Nothing.
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