Thursday 27 August 2009

Music of the Heart

As I was sitting in the cab on my way back from work, drop by drop, the droplets from the sky came falling down to the earth. In no time, the sound of the rain became so much that it started making me feel good. Stretched my hand out the window, felt the rain, smelled the mud that the breeze carried. As I was living in this moment, amidst the traffic, the song in my ipod that I was listening to, and all the noise around me, I felt my heart beat. Just as began feeling the thumping, thoughts began crowding me..

Sounds that were never heard, Words that were never spoken, Eyes that never saw, Feeling that never was felt, Love that never was returned, Passion that never was given, Pleasure that never was shown, Tears that always were felt, Pain that always was known, Sorrow that never goes away, Happiness that struggles to stay, my heart continued to beat.. As I continued to feel the thumping of my heart, in my heart I realized that many things existed within. I felt them all.

An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Feeling on the other hand is a term we use to describe something that we have already experienced before. While an emotion is more of a soul based concept, feeling is much related to the physical aspects of a person. We never say "I am emotionally hot" but we do say "I feel hot". While I thought the difference between an emotion and a feeling, I realized that almost all of the instances, we tend to diminish the boundary between these two terms and often use one in the place of the other. So much so that both of them have similar meanings in our life. I guess, this is where the heart really plays a role. A role, that perhaps makes a person be what s/he wants to be.

Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub, that is how the rhythm of the heart is. It never goes Lub-Lub-Dub or Lub-Dub-Dub. There is a specific tempo, which in medical terms is called as heart rate. Its amazing to see how that works. For we all know that heart is the organ that pumps blood to all the parts of the body, in emotion, we think that differently. For instance, as of now, I think differently. While my heart continues to pump blood, it also pumps emotions and feelings into my body. As much as my mind wants to control, the involuntary action of an heart superseeds the voluntary requirement of my mind. So, what then is the music of heart?

From what I understand, it is the heart rate that determines the music. Music is a form of art whose medium is sound. If we did not hear the sound of the beats of our heart, we would not know the music of the heart. Music is not just made of rythm, it is also made up of tempo, pitch and various other factors. So is the heartbeat. When we are at ease, heart is in its normal beating rate. When we are sad, it slows down a bit and so it does when are going through a low phase such as depression or low self confidence. It speeds up when we are excited just like some real fast music of some well accomplished rock band. The emotions we are in, the feelings we experience are the external factors that enhance/suppress the music within us.

Just as I say that, another thing comes to my mind. People who love a person or who love a person at very first sight often say that they felt their souls resonate. I might get too technical here, so do pardon me. Resonance occurs when two systems oscillate at same frequency. Strange isnt it? Often only those people love each other who have similar interests or have same view on life or something that is similar. I guess their hearts have similar music and music as an entity does possess certain frequency too. And when the music of two different hearts meet, and oscillate at the same frequency, voila you have Love! We can say the same thing about hate or any negative aspect too.

In addition to that, think of this. Of all the music that we listen on a daily basis, if a music has good drum beats, we often tend to like that almost instantly. Just as we hear those drum beats in the music, we feel that the heart is thumping as well and if there is something we can relate the thumping of our hearts to, we instantly like it or for that matter that being. From innocence begins our journey of life, followed by ignorance and later comes the habit of acceptance. In all this, if there is something that never changes, its the heartbeat of us. Perhaps it is very true that music of the heart is the best music in the world for it continues to tell you that you can indeed survive when everyone you know turns their back at you.

On a closing note, like the saying goes, always hear what your heart says and not heed to what mind needs, for matters of heart are always pure and honest and involve giving then asking. I always listen to my heart and I always do for in my heart lies my pure existence..

In my heart exists sweet devotion
In my heart resides a deep emotion
In my heart does lies true bliss
In my heart I maintain your warm, last kiss
In my heart there still is a burning fire
In my heart burns an endless desire
In my heart our love was built
In my heart I hide no guilt
In my heart I make the memories of our love
In my heart I continue to feel your last hug
In my heart are the Memories of the wars of the past
In my heart they will always last..

Thursday 6 August 2009

Dreams that I dream, nightmares that i've been having..

From the window pane of the volvo bus, seeing the moon shine in it's glory makes me feel happy and at the same time, reminding of some beautiful times. As the bus continues to move at a brisk pace, I observe the moon, it appears to be moving with me too. But I see a small mountain, big enough to hide the moon from me. Just as I was enjoying the lovely site, a small mountain comes in between the wonderful moon and me. Just as the bus continues to move, I see the mountain covering the moon completely. For those few minutes I experienced an eclipse caused by a mountain, and this instantly brought certain memories right in front of me. As I continued to think of those memories, somewhere in some corner in the streets of the city of my sub conscious mind, I knew, I just knew the moon would be visible and I would bask in it's presence again.

Sometimes when we think about how we associate things to remember things, it just makes me go curious. I get intrigued by this a lot. The moon was my hope in the dark and lonely times, and just as I used to get going with the hope, some huge obstacle appears making me lose the hope. Well what can I say, the mountain was. Perhaps that is how it will always be, for that is how I can appreciate the beauty and the presence of the moon.

The reason I write is because at this very stage if my life, I am confused. On one side I have a path to take because I had promised to myself, a path which was dear to my heart, which now is not. On the other side is a path which is clearly what my needy heart needs the most. It is only until you have missed the train that you realize it's importance, only when you fail the exams by one mark do you realize what is the importance of a single mark. It is only when you lose something dear to you do you understand the importance of having that something dear in you. While I travel, I know one thing. The needs of my heart has changed.

Yes. It has. The train has passed, I fell short of one mark in the exam, I lost yet another time. The weakness in me has increased to much that u know feel like giving into the things tha happen around. But I will not. The quest for the jewel, ends yet another time with me drowning once again. The drowning is such a terrible thing. With every second, I get sucked into the abyss of the ocean, lungs become heavier, difficult to stop breathing, wanting to live, wanting to survive, but yet, somehow, the water manages to be stronger that me.

It might be my fault for not talking about it, but atleast you could have understood it in my eyes. To be without seeing you, even for a day is so difficult. I realized this only when I was not seeing you anymore. I realized your importance when you were no longer there. If only I could go back in time, you would known it all. But now, I am here, looking at the moon, thinking about the dreams in which I keep thinking about you and those nightmares when I don't dream about you.