Sasha

I was very tired that night. It was a hectic week at work. Very challenging tasks were completed. There was a sense of achievement and at the same time fatigue was taking control of me. I really needed rest and some refreshment. With too many thoughts crowding my mind, I decided it was in the best interest I go to sleep.

With laziness in every part of my huge body, I somehow managed to drag myself into the room to cleanse myself up. The shower was such a pleasure, I almost came back to my normal self. At times, the body just gives up as it needs complete rest and this was one of those times. Eyes as dark as that of a beast, face as pale as that of a skinny patient suffering to live but anticipating death anytime, voice shaken up as if a wind pipe was just taken out from my throat, I crash on my bed. This is when it all began.

As I enter the realm of my thoughts, the world I had constructed for myself, my run for safety, the place that gave me all my pleasures, filled me with happiness and where all my wishes came true, I began thinking of the one whom I loved and continue to love unconditionally. I suddenly saw a lovely garden with lawn spread for quite a distance. I saw green plants, none artificial whatsoever. As breeze struck my face, I felt and told myself "This is the place to be." My eyes were closed, experiencing the exhilarating atmosphere and lovely energy that was surrounding me. I see a little girl, in her very light blue coloured t shirt and a denim jean. She was around 3 years old. Her face was so calming that my heart began throbbing. Who was this little angel? I turned around to see if someone was around, and there I was, standing in the garden of a lovely house. A house that I always dreamed about.

I continue looking at the house, and I realize the hard hitting truth. It was my house. And the little girl, oh dear, she was my daughter. With a tinge of shock, I turn around to look at her. Not sure how, why and what, but I called her "Sasha.."

I could not believe it. I have a daughter. Her name is Sasha. I have a huge house with a garden I have gardened. A lawn that I am not sure who many times I used the lawn machine on. A walkway that was like a path amidst clouds. I realize another important thing. A ring on my right hand ring finger. Oh God. I am married. I take the mobile out of my Jean pocket and see the wallpaper. I see her with Sasha. Could something be better than this dream? I definitely do not think so. I again look at the wallpaper on my mobile. Holding it in my right palm,I use my thumb to clean the screen as I continue to look at the picture. I smile. A sense of being with the one with whom I have always wanted to be. Added, I now have a lovely daughter too.

"Dada, I like playing here" and she laughed. Seeing the joy and happiness in Sasha, I smiled with happiness too.

As she was running on the lawn, she slipped and fell.. She was rubbing her elbow. I said, "Be careful my little girl while you play on the ground.."

All that she did was just look at me, with a little bit of upset in her face, she continued to rub the elbow.As much as I wanted to go and help her out, I knew that this is just one of those many problems she will come across in future and stood by her to see what she would do. She smiled and continued playing.

After a while of running around, playing with her favourite barbie doll, she came to me. She asked,

"Dada, where is Mumma?"

"She has gone out to get some chocolates for my little princess.." I smiled and started tickling her. She laughed. Her laughter filled me with unconditional joy.

"Dada stop it. please stop it.." with continuous giggles was her reply. She kissed me on my cheek and went back to the lawn and continued to play.

I saw Sasha engrossed in her play, which she loved to do. As I continued to see her play, I felt someone was walking towards me. I saw her. The one. Only one actually. She came upto me, gave me a hug, something that was so special, filled with warmth, something that I always yearned for. I smiled again.

Little did I know that I was still smiling and I woke up from the one of the best dreams I ever had. Probably I might never read this one out to my daughter for I know I will not marry, but God forbid my intentions and If I end up having a lovely daughter, I will make it a point to read this one to her when she grows up. This one is not just for her, but this one is also for the lovely lady who brought her to life in my dream.

"I remember a time not that far in the past,
A time one would only wish to last.
A time filled with laughter,love and peace,
when things all moved in a harmonious pace.

From cheek to cheek the sun did rise,
Sneaking around like mischievous mice.
The dew of joy that came from the sun,
As fathers call abode their sons.

In rows and columns they sit to hear,
On floors, yards or grounds with no fear.
The sweet smell of nature's flowers,
Lil mice know it's almost that hour.

Times like these I wish I were back,
But my troubles all do stack.
Like lights years I wish I would but beam,
To solace, a hermit with no dreams.

But I know that my day will come,
When my life will be free from this eucalyptus gum.
Back to the days of childhood innocence,
When all will be pure and innocent.

So here I am, looking at my daughter
A girl who appeared more prudent than her laughter
With dreams of building a secure future for Sasha in my mind,
I enjoyed the journey of a Father, for its the best journey of its kind.

With face as shining as the early sun ray,
and laughter as cute as that of a lovely toy.
In her eyes I saw pure happiness,
For in her eyes love glittered and showed the joy.

I called her "Sasha" and she replied "what dada?"
"Be careful my little girl while you play on the ground",
with no words and only an expression was her reply
All that she wanted to do was just play, play and play.

As I saw her play, I stepped into a dream world
A world where all I could think of was many more dreams that began to unfold,
For her very sight filled me with a passion,
To make her life as great as a story of a princess that never was told.

With those tiny fingers as fragile and soft as a crystal
skin that glow brighter than snow,
she pointed to the bowl of chocolates that her mumma had kept on the table,
so cute was she that life all of a sudden had become a lovely parable.

All these thoughts arise and fall,
for my world had become more than just small.
She brought a promise with her into our world, and she conveyed,
I am here for my mumma n dada, and they are important to me than all. "

I miss blogging

It has been over a month since I wrote a post on my beloved blog. Oh I miss it. Very much actually. Off late I have been busy writing a book. So far so good, the book is going well. As much as I am immersed in writing the book, so many emotions in me are going unheard, possibly due to a fact that I have not had the chance to vent them out.

Speaking of which, I thought, I better do it now. And that is the reason for me to blog again.

2009 so far has been a tremendous year. With first quarter coming to end in few more days, so many things have already happened, and so many things have been triggered for a real roller coaster of a year ahead. The road blocks that I see now, will surely turn out into a major hurdle in soon to come near future.

January 2009, was a month which was filled with happiness, joy, merry, achievement, plans, parties, meetings, laughter and almost anything that I could imagine loving. I had the best new year celebration, on the beach, with champagne. Now that was fun. I got myself a new Sony Playstation Portal aka PSP. Killzone Liberation is a game worth playing anytime, any number of times. So I finally broke the spell of not purchasing a gadget for over 2 years. very long time, I agree. Work life was good too. Things finally started falling in the right places and it was nice to see that happen. Although I must say, the work etiquettes dont really astonish me, for honesty and hard work is almost dead everywhere.

February 2009, the so called month of love, which everyone say, continued to make me wonder why it is called so. I always thought and I for one know that December is the month of Love. Definitely not February. But when it comes for Love, i am totally different. may be because of things that I have gone through and continue to go through that has made me this way, which I have absolutely no regrets at all. I still wonder why people express love only on valentine's day and worship that day as though miracles happen only on that one day. Losers. Just losers.

This feb 26, I turned 26. Twenty six years. I cannot believe I have grown this old and when I look back to realize what i had achieved, nothing really comes in my mind. Ofcourse, this is with regards to worldly pleasures and needs. But when it comes to my personal needs, the needs that make my soul rejoice, I have been lucky. I did not celebrate my birthday, was upset the whole day, felt like I was no one, and the first time I decided to celebrate my birthday since last 8 years, everything went against as I had planned and wished for, which is when I realized that celebrating birthday was not my portion.

On a closing note, writing the book has made me get back to those moments that I had alienated myself completely. Things can only get better from now and I see it happening already.