Lately, the letter 'W' has been quite prominent in my life. From wondering, to worrying to wishing and waiting, I am glad I have not stepped into the arena of weeping. Even if the circumstances were hard on me, I guess that is something I would not be able to do.
For every decision, the outcomes could be several. Most of the times, we are so worried about the results of events, rather say outcome of an event that we forget to focus on carrying out an event. We tend to be so much result oriented, we forget to focus on how to go about things. For instance, many working in corporates these days are so worried about promotions and pay hikes that they forget how they get it. They say that at the end of the day they have the hike. I ask, at what cost? Answer for that is something they are not dare enough to admit. It is during these instances that I understand that people are worried about outcomes more than anything.
It would be hypocrisy on my part if I would say that I have not been as such. I was. But not for long enough. Once I realized that the journey to the destination was more of prominence than the destination itself, my whole perception changed. I guess this happened in 2006. Too many events later occurred in 2007 and 2008, thus strengthening my perception. When I actually think about this, my recent posts have been about how my new found love has changed me as a person and to a large extent, it has made me a whole different person.
Let alone accepting the love in me that I perceived as a challenge, but also expressing it was a greater one. Now that those have been accomplished, what now lies ahead is a long period of wait. Over two months of waiting is done and have no clue how long would the waiting last. Somehow, as against the popular myth that waiting weakens a person, in my case, it actually has strengthened me. To know what life would be as a result of her absence in my life, has in-turn made me very strong. I now know how it feels, I now know what the pain is like, I now know how vulnerable I can get. Of it all, I now know how I need to be prepared.
The more the days pass by in silence, the more stronger as a person I am becoming, There are good days and then there are bad days. The ratio of them has been less to more respectively. However, I am glad that bad days do come along often, for they always manage to let me know how weak and vulnerable I can get, thereby making me focus on my weakness and work on it. In a way more than one, the more time I wait, the more I think. The more I think, the more areas I cover. The more areas I cover, the better prepared I can be. However, in the context of being prepared and trying to predict what might happen, almost always we end up not being prepared for the unpredictable. I guess, that is the precise reason why I have been in situations where I felt that I was not prepared at all.
Somehow, life is filled with such events, not one, not two, but all of them have been turning points in my life. If anyone said that a person would have just one turning point in a life, he/she needs a punch on his/her face. If there is something that I can tell with utmost certainty, it is the fact that life comprises of too many turning points, and all of them change the course of our life, to a whole new level. I never knew I would be a Project Lead, but here I am, with over two years of experience in it. I never knew I would love again, but here I am, with over seven months in it. I never knew that I could be so patient and so willing waiting, but here I am, waiting for her response.
Every word that goes unspoken, is what I manage to write in my posts. Every deed undone, is what I manage to express in my posts. There are several thousands of words to talk and say and mean, but somehow, that is just not happening now. If something does happen, I manage to express them here. May be, after all, this year has been the year of wanting, wondering, wishing, worrying.
Monday, 7 December 2009
Monday, 30 November 2009
Distance
Most of the times we underestimate the power of what distance can accomplish. We are blinded by the fear that distance usually narrows things down and often disrupts thinking. Somehow, the phrase out of sight out of mind does not hold good for me for I have realized the importance of distance.
Two ways open up whenever there is distance between two beings. Either they distance them so much that they never get back or they yearn for togetherness, so much so that when they meet up, they bond stronger than before. Few of my best friends are in other countries, but somehow, we became more close when they were far. I guess the greater the distance grew, we longed for the friendship and we tried to hold on to it. IN the event, we became nourishing the bond, which grew from strengths to strengths. In addition to that, with the advent of internet, no one is really that far, I guess, web 2.0 is indeed a boon.
While that was my friendship, something similar has happened with regards to love in my life. I guess, friendship and love play a very vital role in everyone's being. May be she and I are several thousands of miles apart, but somehow, she stays very near to me. Every time speak to her and realize that she is not alright, the urge to dissolve the distance grows exponentially. The more days that get spent without seeing her, the more deeper the need to meet. The more days spent without talking, the stronger the need. Most importantly, life is as though she is right here, no, I am not hallucinating, but the feeling never gets old.
With distance, in my case, life has just begun. Tonight, I really felt like being there, for tonight, I have begun worrying all the more.
Two ways open up whenever there is distance between two beings. Either they distance them so much that they never get back or they yearn for togetherness, so much so that when they meet up, they bond stronger than before. Few of my best friends are in other countries, but somehow, we became more close when they were far. I guess the greater the distance grew, we longed for the friendship and we tried to hold on to it. IN the event, we became nourishing the bond, which grew from strengths to strengths. In addition to that, with the advent of internet, no one is really that far, I guess, web 2.0 is indeed a boon.
While that was my friendship, something similar has happened with regards to love in my life. I guess, friendship and love play a very vital role in everyone's being. May be she and I are several thousands of miles apart, but somehow, she stays very near to me. Every time speak to her and realize that she is not alright, the urge to dissolve the distance grows exponentially. The more days that get spent without seeing her, the more deeper the need to meet. The more days spent without talking, the stronger the need. Most importantly, life is as though she is right here, no, I am not hallucinating, but the feeling never gets old.
With distance, in my case, life has just begun. Tonight, I really felt like being there, for tonight, I have begun worrying all the more.
Expressions
To some, what I write appears to be emotional
To some, what I write appears to be a take on reality.
To some, what I write comes across as sharing of my experiences
To some, what I write is like a warning of what might happen to them.
To some, what I write appears to be more of imaginary content.
However, the truth remains the same, irrespective of various interpretations. What I write is what I want to express, say or sometimes even do. Everything that I write is a way of me telling the things that are suppressed/resented within me. On more than one instance, I happen to resent what I want to say. More than that, I also happen to not do what I really want to.
From times of playing pranks on each other to casual conversations, from times of the most silly gossips to serious talks, if there is one thing that moved from strengths to strengths, it was the bond that was between us. For that matter, I guess this would be a common thing for anyone who is close to any other one. More so, we tend to call this as friendship, beyond any bonds. However, sometimes, the demarcation between friendship and love becomes fuzzy and in certain instances, the person does not realize of crossing over to the other side.
Sometimes all that you want to do when you wake up after a night's sleep is to see the one whom you love so much lying next to you. If that is not going to happen, to ensure that you see their lovely face, you make sure that either you have their lovely face captured in a picture, or in a frame or as a wallpaper in your phone. Sometimes you also tend to think about them every single moment when you get to think. Over a period of time, I have learned that when we tend to love someone increasingly with every single moment, you tend to successfully print their memories in the subconscious mind. Perhaps, this might be the reason as to why we associate the dreams we have, to them. Perhaps that is another form of an expression.
When one of my dreams was analyzed by an interpreter, she told me "Most do not remember conversations in dreams, definitely not the words spoken and if they do it's usually just a few. You are seeking direction and understanding. How you reach there will be a traditional way and will take longer than other ways. But it's the jouney and not the destination that is most important for you. Along the way you will discover life itself and wisdom if you pay attention and then you will find love. It may be an actual love like you see in the dream, but more than likely it is finding love in yourself of the purest kind and then other forms of love will be found around you and therefore leading to the beautiful girl." When I think of this, somehow, I almost all the time, manage to remember my dreams in detail. May be, that is just another form of expressing myself.
Just then, sometimes, there are instances where in, no matter what you do, you would just be unable to express. Lately, there have been many such instances. So many things that I wish to say go unsaid, not because of fear, but because I am not really sure if the time is apt. Last 8 months have been very different and in last 8 months, I have realized that Love is a feeling of totally bliss and happiness, and with time and patience it grows into a true blessing of beauty!,
To some, expressing anger is easy, for they are prone to do so.
To some, expressing hatred is easy for they love remembering their grudges.
To some, expressing honesty is easy for they love being honest.
To some, expressing sadness is easy for they cannot really see happiness in anything.
To some, expressing love is the most important thing, for expressing love is most challenging of all.
And yes, I love challenges.
To some, what I write appears to be a take on reality.
To some, what I write comes across as sharing of my experiences
To some, what I write is like a warning of what might happen to them.
To some, what I write appears to be more of imaginary content.
However, the truth remains the same, irrespective of various interpretations. What I write is what I want to express, say or sometimes even do. Everything that I write is a way of me telling the things that are suppressed/resented within me. On more than one instance, I happen to resent what I want to say. More than that, I also happen to not do what I really want to.
From times of playing pranks on each other to casual conversations, from times of the most silly gossips to serious talks, if there is one thing that moved from strengths to strengths, it was the bond that was between us. For that matter, I guess this would be a common thing for anyone who is close to any other one. More so, we tend to call this as friendship, beyond any bonds. However, sometimes, the demarcation between friendship and love becomes fuzzy and in certain instances, the person does not realize of crossing over to the other side.
Sometimes all that you want to do when you wake up after a night's sleep is to see the one whom you love so much lying next to you. If that is not going to happen, to ensure that you see their lovely face, you make sure that either you have their lovely face captured in a picture, or in a frame or as a wallpaper in your phone. Sometimes you also tend to think about them every single moment when you get to think. Over a period of time, I have learned that when we tend to love someone increasingly with every single moment, you tend to successfully print their memories in the subconscious mind. Perhaps, this might be the reason as to why we associate the dreams we have, to them. Perhaps that is another form of an expression.
When one of my dreams was analyzed by an interpreter, she told me "Most do not remember conversations in dreams, definitely not the words spoken and if they do it's usually just a few. You are seeking direction and understanding. How you reach there will be a traditional way and will take longer than other ways. But it's the jouney and not the destination that is most important for you. Along the way you will discover life itself and wisdom if you pay attention and then you will find love. It may be an actual love like you see in the dream, but more than likely it is finding love in yourself of the purest kind and then other forms of love will be found around you and therefore leading to the beautiful girl." When I think of this, somehow, I almost all the time, manage to remember my dreams in detail. May be, that is just another form of expressing myself.
Just then, sometimes, there are instances where in, no matter what you do, you would just be unable to express. Lately, there have been many such instances. So many things that I wish to say go unsaid, not because of fear, but because I am not really sure if the time is apt. Last 8 months have been very different and in last 8 months, I have realized that Love is a feeling of totally bliss and happiness, and with time and patience it grows into a true blessing of beauty!,
To some, expressing anger is easy, for they are prone to do so.
To some, expressing hatred is easy for they love remembering their grudges.
To some, expressing honesty is easy for they love being honest.
To some, expressing sadness is easy for they cannot really see happiness in anything.
To some, expressing love is the most important thing, for expressing love is most challenging of all.
And yes, I love challenges.
Monday, 23 November 2009
When I saw Her - Part 3
Instead of looking at her and find out who she was, I saw the steps that lead upwards and saw people walking and I was the last one to get up. This time, I noticed that she had worn cotton trousers, a trendy but contemporary T shirt with those girly sneakers. I said, "Yes, its time to go up there."
Just as I began looking at her, I flashed. I saw Rocky and Sunaina, and they said, "We heard it the first time you said." I wonder why they said that.
We noticed that we had to climb around 400-500 steps to reach up there. We began climbing one by one. Just as I was thinking about the flashes, Sunaina popped a question to me.
"So Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Of all questions available to the mankind, this was the last I expected to be asked in a forest. I was short of words.
Rocky continued where Sunaina left and asked, "Yeah Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Without a second thought, I replied, "Let me figure out whats happening with me and I will think of getting married later."
Sunaina instantly asked, "Figure out what? Mithun dont you think that you have been single for a long time now? May be you should consider of settling down."
Rocky interrupted her, and I guess for the first time after they were married, he did a good thing. He said, "Baby, leave it upto him to decide. He should be comfortable. He is trying to figure out something, let him do that."
I said to myself, "Yes indeed. I am trying to figure out what these flashes are, who is that girl and off all, why am I seeing them now?"
I replied to them, "Look guys, I know what I am doing. Being single has its advantages. I am happy being single. I can live this way and no regrets whatsoever. For now, lets climb up there shall we?"
And I continued climbing the steps. This time, I was more passionate, as if something had charged me up. May be a thought of the the next flash showing me who she was. I was excited. More excited than Sunaina when she went through the great fall. Both of them were asking me to relax and climb slowly. but I ignored them.
As I approached the top, I heard various sounds. It was as though the place was inhabited by people. For a sudden moment I thought I was flashing again, I paused, Looked back, I saw both of them climbing. I knew I was not flashing. I continued walking.
I reached the top. What I saw there, struck me by surprise. Something that I did not expect in a place where we were. I stood and looked in awe. I saw a huge, I mean a real huge mansion on my left side. It was covered by huge trees. A huge gate. It was more like a palace than a mansion. It was on my left. I walked past it and was even surprised to see what stood in front of me. I saw a huge waterfall. This time, i was standing at the bottom of the waterfall. there were shops next to it. A bangle store, a fish market, some clothes, some jewelry. There were some small restaurants, some juice centers. There was a wine store too.
Just as I saw these things, I was in awe. I turned back to see if Sunaina and Rocky had come up. They had. They were shocked to see all these. I looked at them and noticed their jaws had dropped in surprise. I turned back to look at the shops and few people that were there. I flashed.
I was holding the camera and clicking the pictures of various people around me. Sometimes singles, sometimes couples, sometimes people in group. I was literally a camera man. Before every picture was taken, I would say something that would make them smile. Sometimes I said "Let me see how dirty your teeth were" and sometimes I said "Show them, show those worms in your mouth". They would instantly smile. Sometimes I said "You are looking so hot, let the picture melt" and sometimes I said "Trust me, you are really cool. I am freezing right now." One after the other, pictures were being taken. I realized I had the camera in my hand that was my own. But something was missing. She. I was unable to find her. My eyes began wandering amidst the crowd. I was just unable to find her. As my usual habit of capturing moments to cherish and remember people such that I would never forget, I went and posed few pictures with the shopkeepers. With almost all of them, I took pictures. Sometimes it was the guy who sold fruits, and sometimes it was the woman in the flower shop. I posed it with almost all of them. Moments are made to be cherished and there I was, capturing them forever. Just as I began looking at the pictures that were taken, I blinked and I saw the same shopkeepers looking at me and smiling at me. It was as if they knew me. Rocky and Sunaina was busy shopping. Women, they seem to shop everything they can see and and are ready and filled with energy the moment they see something shining. Ah the women.
I walked to Rocky and finally dared to ask the question, "Hey Rocky, have we come to this place before?"
With perplexed face, he replied, "Not even in my dreams. Dude, is everything alright with you? I have been noticing you. Ever since we began walking on the bridge till now, you have been acting weird."
I replied, "Nothing to be worried about. Its just that this place seems very familiar. I somehow am able to relate to this place. These shops, that mansion, the bridge, that wonderful waterfall we saw down there, the people here. Something is not adding up. I sense that I have been here, but I am pretty sure that I was not here."
Rocky replied,"Dude, I know you and I am pretty sure that this is another prank of yours to sound spooky. I am not cooperating with you on this one. Before Sunaina shouts at me, let me get to her."
I just looked at him and wondered what marriage had done to him. Ignoring his remarks and continuing with my activities, I decided to go meet some shopkeeper and talk to them.
I needed to drink water badly but before that I had to wash myself. I walked towards the tap near by, turned it on and began washing my face arms and legs. Finally, the mud that lay on me was gone. I was free from it. I felt energized. Truly, there is something in water. Perhaps, I guess, there is life in it.
With a feeling of being fresh, with too many thoughts meaning the same, with one thought, to figure out what this place was, I decided to meet some shop keepers. As I approached the shop with groceries to get myself a bottle of water, the shopkeeper walked out of the shop. He middle aged man, around 5 feet 6 inch tall, dark complexion. He wore blue jeans that was a local made, I guess. On it, he wore a white shirt, with sandals covering his foot. He had several bracelets in this right hand and left had had a watch that was of shining gold. I wonder if it was real gold. His face was lit with joy as if he was meeting his very dear friend or someone who had treated his specially.
He walked to me and said, “Mithun sir, you have come back so soon. Looks like you missed this place a lot.”
To be continued..
Just as I began looking at her, I flashed. I saw Rocky and Sunaina, and they said, "We heard it the first time you said." I wonder why they said that.
We noticed that we had to climb around 400-500 steps to reach up there. We began climbing one by one. Just as I was thinking about the flashes, Sunaina popped a question to me.
"So Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Of all questions available to the mankind, this was the last I expected to be asked in a forest. I was short of words.
Rocky continued where Sunaina left and asked, "Yeah Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Without a second thought, I replied, "Let me figure out whats happening with me and I will think of getting married later."
Sunaina instantly asked, "Figure out what? Mithun dont you think that you have been single for a long time now? May be you should consider of settling down."
Rocky interrupted her, and I guess for the first time after they were married, he did a good thing. He said, "Baby, leave it upto him to decide. He should be comfortable. He is trying to figure out something, let him do that."
I said to myself, "Yes indeed. I am trying to figure out what these flashes are, who is that girl and off all, why am I seeing them now?"
I replied to them, "Look guys, I know what I am doing. Being single has its advantages. I am happy being single. I can live this way and no regrets whatsoever. For now, lets climb up there shall we?"
And I continued climbing the steps. This time, I was more passionate, as if something had charged me up. May be a thought of the the next flash showing me who she was. I was excited. More excited than Sunaina when she went through the great fall. Both of them were asking me to relax and climb slowly. but I ignored them.
As I approached the top, I heard various sounds. It was as though the place was inhabited by people. For a sudden moment I thought I was flashing again, I paused, Looked back, I saw both of them climbing. I knew I was not flashing. I continued walking.
I reached the top. What I saw there, struck me by surprise. Something that I did not expect in a place where we were. I stood and looked in awe. I saw a huge, I mean a real huge mansion on my left side. It was covered by huge trees. A huge gate. It was more like a palace than a mansion. It was on my left. I walked past it and was even surprised to see what stood in front of me. I saw a huge waterfall. This time, i was standing at the bottom of the waterfall. there were shops next to it. A bangle store, a fish market, some clothes, some jewelry. There were some small restaurants, some juice centers. There was a wine store too.
Just as I saw these things, I was in awe. I turned back to see if Sunaina and Rocky had come up. They had. They were shocked to see all these. I looked at them and noticed their jaws had dropped in surprise. I turned back to look at the shops and few people that were there. I flashed.
I was holding the camera and clicking the pictures of various people around me. Sometimes singles, sometimes couples, sometimes people in group. I was literally a camera man. Before every picture was taken, I would say something that would make them smile. Sometimes I said "Let me see how dirty your teeth were" and sometimes I said "Show them, show those worms in your mouth". They would instantly smile. Sometimes I said "You are looking so hot, let the picture melt" and sometimes I said "Trust me, you are really cool. I am freezing right now." One after the other, pictures were being taken. I realized I had the camera in my hand that was my own. But something was missing. She. I was unable to find her. My eyes began wandering amidst the crowd. I was just unable to find her. As my usual habit of capturing moments to cherish and remember people such that I would never forget, I went and posed few pictures with the shopkeepers. With almost all of them, I took pictures. Sometimes it was the guy who sold fruits, and sometimes it was the woman in the flower shop. I posed it with almost all of them. Moments are made to be cherished and there I was, capturing them forever. Just as I began looking at the pictures that were taken, I blinked and I saw the same shopkeepers looking at me and smiling at me. It was as if they knew me. Rocky and Sunaina was busy shopping. Women, they seem to shop everything they can see and and are ready and filled with energy the moment they see something shining. Ah the women.
I walked to Rocky and finally dared to ask the question, "Hey Rocky, have we come to this place before?"
With perplexed face, he replied, "Not even in my dreams. Dude, is everything alright with you? I have been noticing you. Ever since we began walking on the bridge till now, you have been acting weird."
I replied, "Nothing to be worried about. Its just that this place seems very familiar. I somehow am able to relate to this place. These shops, that mansion, the bridge, that wonderful waterfall we saw down there, the people here. Something is not adding up. I sense that I have been here, but I am pretty sure that I was not here."
Rocky replied,"Dude, I know you and I am pretty sure that this is another prank of yours to sound spooky. I am not cooperating with you on this one. Before Sunaina shouts at me, let me get to her."
I just looked at him and wondered what marriage had done to him. Ignoring his remarks and continuing with my activities, I decided to go meet some shopkeeper and talk to them.
I needed to drink water badly but before that I had to wash myself. I walked towards the tap near by, turned it on and began washing my face arms and legs. Finally, the mud that lay on me was gone. I was free from it. I felt energized. Truly, there is something in water. Perhaps, I guess, there is life in it.
With a feeling of being fresh, with too many thoughts meaning the same, with one thought, to figure out what this place was, I decided to meet some shop keepers. As I approached the shop with groceries to get myself a bottle of water, the shopkeeper walked out of the shop. He middle aged man, around 5 feet 6 inch tall, dark complexion. He wore blue jeans that was a local made, I guess. On it, he wore a white shirt, with sandals covering his foot. He had several bracelets in this right hand and left had had a watch that was of shining gold. I wonder if it was real gold. His face was lit with joy as if he was meeting his very dear friend or someone who had treated his specially.
He walked to me and said, “Mithun sir, you have come back so soon. Looks like you missed this place a lot.”
To be continued..
When I saw Her - Part 2
As I was looking at the river, Sunaina and Rocky joined me. We saw a bridge, a build bridge, an unused one. It led to the other side. But we could not see the other side as few huge rocks covered the sight, followed by few dense trees. we were certain that the bridge led to the other side. The question we had at that time was whether to start walking to the other side or wait for a while, freshen up and move to other side. We three looked at each other, looked at the bridge. Neither of us knew what was on the other side. We looked at each other again, looked that bridge again. This time, we looked at the bridge for little longer.
Rocky said, "Guys.. I think.."
Sunaina interrupted him, "Shut up Rocky, I think we should.."
I interrupted her and said, "I think we should stop thinking, stop looking at the bridge and just go cross onto the other side." I looked at them, they both looked at me, and looked at the bridge again. A fear may be.
I said, "Lets go.."
Both of them, in an unplanned chorus shouted "Other side it is !!!"
I said, "Fucking couple.."
We put our backpacks on and began walking towards the bridge. As we walked, there was some known feeling. As if I was at this place before. I ignored it.
We began walking on the bridge. As I took my first step, something in me was beginning to try and tell me something. I began seeing flashes. As if something here was very dear to me. Something, Some unknown thing to me. I walked few yards on the bridge. I looked at my feet. White socked turned brown due to the great fall, red shoes with mud on it. Shorts with mud and a wrist band on my right hand that was equally dirty. I walked a few yards, and I saw at my feet again. Something flashed at me again. This time, everything was clean. White socks, red shoes, blue wrist band, I was in my Jeans. No backpack. I closed my eyes and opened it again, I saw Rocky and Sunaina. Back to the dirty attire. I began wondering what just happened.
I said, "Guys are you noticing something weird here?"
Both of them, again in a couple chorus, said "What now Mithun?"
I said, "Uhmm nothing unique but just that it feels as if I have come here before."
Sunaina with her ignoring gesture said, "Its always weird with you. Actually you are entirely weird, in every possible manner."
Rocky interrupted her and said "Baby leave him alone. He is weird indeed. Look, walk carefully This bridge is weird like Mithun too" and both of them began laughing. I just wonder whats with the joke and why they both laugh like that. The couple chorus, even in laughter?
Ignoring them, while they continued walking, I was looking at the water. The flow of water, gushing in full speed. Just as I looked at the water, I had another flash. This time around, I saw many people walking in front of me. It was like an outing. I would say that there were atleast 30 of them. Boys and girls. It was more like a trip from office. I looked at the crowd. Girls were laughing, some were scared to walk on the bridge, some were walking anyways. Some were in arms of their beloved, probably by now they were with some other beloved. They were walking, This time I was the last one and all were quite ahead. I looked at them, blinked my eyes and say Sunaina and Rocky. Something was not right with the place. Or, something was not right with me.
As I continued to walk on the bridge, I began observing the bridge, the river, the huge rocks and the dense trees. The river appeared to be almost half a mile in its width. Pretty huge river. As we walked, I noticed the huge rock. It split the river in the middle. The bridge passed right beside the rock, in a curvy fashion turning towards our right. I noticed that the right turn was towards the east as the sun would set in few hours on my left. As we took the curvy right turn on the bridge, we noticed something spectacular. As we took the right turn, the bridge gave way to a breathtaking wonderful sight on the left. A huge water fall, the cause for the great gushing sound. We were almost 200 meters into the bridge. The water fall was almost 150 feet deep. We could see almost the entire forest from where we stood. As I saw the view, I again flashed. I blinked and saw all those girls, guys, couples again. This time I was with someone, She was holding my right wrist, tightly. I looked at the view and we both, in the couple chorus said "What a wonderful view."
Just as I said those words and turned to my right to see who she was, I blinked and I saw Rocky and Sunaina, smiling, holding each other, looking at the view, they replied, "Yes Mithun, it indeed is wonderful view."
I was surprised that I had actually uttered the words. What the hell was this place. What are the flashes that I am seeing. Something is seriously wrong with this place or something is seriously wrong as I am unable to remember anything.
We continued walking, After few hundred more meters we entered the dense trees. The bridge continued into the trees. We could still hear the gushing sound. What really surprised me was the fact that few huge dense trees were right before the huge waterfall, standing tall, as dense as they could possibly be. We began walking amidst the trees. The sunlight began growing dimmer and dimmer. Water continued flowing underneath us. It was as though we were walking in a cave, with some echoing sound at a little distance away from us. And just few tens of meters away we began seeing light again. All three of us were very happy. We began walking briskly. As we reached the end of the bridge, we noticed that it did not lead to an open ground, but instead lead to steps. Rocky steps. We looked at each other and wondered what it was. By now, the water flow beneath the bridge was not that great. Something was totally weird about this place.
I said, "Guys, you have a choice, Climb those steps and find out whats up there, or go back. I have decided to find out what is up there. You decide. Now."
They both had a worried face. Just as i expected, it followed the worried silence. The couple chorus. "Lets go and find out."
We got out of the bridge, stepped onto the first step, Sat on the second one for a while, relaxed for few moments. I was the first one to get up. I said, "Its time to go up there."
Just as I said that, I flashed again. This time around, I heard her say this. The one who held my wrist while we saw the amazing sight at the waterfall. She said, "Its time to go up there."
To be continued..
Rocky said, "Guys.. I think.."
Sunaina interrupted him, "Shut up Rocky, I think we should.."
I interrupted her and said, "I think we should stop thinking, stop looking at the bridge and just go cross onto the other side." I looked at them, they both looked at me, and looked at the bridge again. A fear may be.
I said, "Lets go.."
Both of them, in an unplanned chorus shouted "Other side it is !!!"
I said, "Fucking couple.."
We put our backpacks on and began walking towards the bridge. As we walked, there was some known feeling. As if I was at this place before. I ignored it.
We began walking on the bridge. As I took my first step, something in me was beginning to try and tell me something. I began seeing flashes. As if something here was very dear to me. Something, Some unknown thing to me. I walked few yards on the bridge. I looked at my feet. White socked turned brown due to the great fall, red shoes with mud on it. Shorts with mud and a wrist band on my right hand that was equally dirty. I walked a few yards, and I saw at my feet again. Something flashed at me again. This time, everything was clean. White socks, red shoes, blue wrist band, I was in my Jeans. No backpack. I closed my eyes and opened it again, I saw Rocky and Sunaina. Back to the dirty attire. I began wondering what just happened.
I said, "Guys are you noticing something weird here?"
Both of them, again in a couple chorus, said "What now Mithun?"
I said, "Uhmm nothing unique but just that it feels as if I have come here before."
Sunaina with her ignoring gesture said, "Its always weird with you. Actually you are entirely weird, in every possible manner."
Rocky interrupted her and said "Baby leave him alone. He is weird indeed. Look, walk carefully This bridge is weird like Mithun too" and both of them began laughing. I just wonder whats with the joke and why they both laugh like that. The couple chorus, even in laughter?
Ignoring them, while they continued walking, I was looking at the water. The flow of water, gushing in full speed. Just as I looked at the water, I had another flash. This time around, I saw many people walking in front of me. It was like an outing. I would say that there were atleast 30 of them. Boys and girls. It was more like a trip from office. I looked at the crowd. Girls were laughing, some were scared to walk on the bridge, some were walking anyways. Some were in arms of their beloved, probably by now they were with some other beloved. They were walking, This time I was the last one and all were quite ahead. I looked at them, blinked my eyes and say Sunaina and Rocky. Something was not right with the place. Or, something was not right with me.
As I continued to walk on the bridge, I began observing the bridge, the river, the huge rocks and the dense trees. The river appeared to be almost half a mile in its width. Pretty huge river. As we walked, I noticed the huge rock. It split the river in the middle. The bridge passed right beside the rock, in a curvy fashion turning towards our right. I noticed that the right turn was towards the east as the sun would set in few hours on my left. As we took the curvy right turn on the bridge, we noticed something spectacular. As we took the right turn, the bridge gave way to a breathtaking wonderful sight on the left. A huge water fall, the cause for the great gushing sound. We were almost 200 meters into the bridge. The water fall was almost 150 feet deep. We could see almost the entire forest from where we stood. As I saw the view, I again flashed. I blinked and saw all those girls, guys, couples again. This time I was with someone, She was holding my right wrist, tightly. I looked at the view and we both, in the couple chorus said "What a wonderful view."
Just as I said those words and turned to my right to see who she was, I blinked and I saw Rocky and Sunaina, smiling, holding each other, looking at the view, they replied, "Yes Mithun, it indeed is wonderful view."
I was surprised that I had actually uttered the words. What the hell was this place. What are the flashes that I am seeing. Something is seriously wrong with this place or something is seriously wrong as I am unable to remember anything.
We continued walking, After few hundred more meters we entered the dense trees. The bridge continued into the trees. We could still hear the gushing sound. What really surprised me was the fact that few huge dense trees were right before the huge waterfall, standing tall, as dense as they could possibly be. We began walking amidst the trees. The sunlight began growing dimmer and dimmer. Water continued flowing underneath us. It was as though we were walking in a cave, with some echoing sound at a little distance away from us. And just few tens of meters away we began seeing light again. All three of us were very happy. We began walking briskly. As we reached the end of the bridge, we noticed that it did not lead to an open ground, but instead lead to steps. Rocky steps. We looked at each other and wondered what it was. By now, the water flow beneath the bridge was not that great. Something was totally weird about this place.
I said, "Guys, you have a choice, Climb those steps and find out whats up there, or go back. I have decided to find out what is up there. You decide. Now."
They both had a worried face. Just as i expected, it followed the worried silence. The couple chorus. "Lets go and find out."
We got out of the bridge, stepped onto the first step, Sat on the second one for a while, relaxed for few moments. I was the first one to get up. I said, "Its time to go up there."
Just as I said that, I flashed again. This time around, I heard her say this. The one who held my wrist while we saw the amazing sight at the waterfall. She said, "Its time to go up there."
To be continued..
When I saw Her - Part 1
There are several things in a dream that you would expect to see and very few that you would not want to see. The few things that you do not want to see, when seen, often makes us feel that we just had a nightmare. Well, in my case, I am not really sure what I saw. I am still wondering whether it was a dream or if it was a nightmare. There was a smile on my face when I woke up and yet I was not completely content.
Lately, I have not been having adequate sleep. Let alone that, I have not been having any kind of soothing sleep at all. Perhaps this is what happens when anxiousness creeps in and restlessness overpowers you. So there I was, trying to sleep, forcing myself to close my eyes and trying to dream. Not really sure how long it took me to fall asleep but when I did, I saw myself walking in a forest.
With lush green leaves all around me, the pure oxygen that I inhaled made me feel fresh all through the walk. I looked around to see if I was alone or if someone was there with me, I saw two of them. A girl and a guy. Had never seen them before. Sudden reaction was to try and figure out who they were and most importantly, where we were. As I was sweating, I reached the pocket in my shorts to fetch the hand kerchief. I felt a paper in the pocket. Took it out and read. It turned out to be a letter to the forest department that I had written, which in turn was approved. In it I saw the names of the two who were with me. Sunaina, Rocky, Mithun. I began wondering who these two were. For a moment I thought if I was dreaming, But I knew I was not, They were walking behind me, I was leading them and we were walking in the jungle. A stick in each of our right hand, trying to move the branches of the 5-6 feet bushes. The greenness of the leaves around us made the forest a breathtaking place to be in. I could hear birds chirping, crickets making their weird yet soothing sound. I must say, in the forest, the crickets can both be creepy and cute to hear.
So as we walked, I asked,
"So Rocky, what are the plans now. I am starving. Dont know where we are going. So start speaking.."
Rocky replied, "Are you kidding me?"
I replied, "Excuse me?"
Sunaina interrupted, "Mithun, you definitely ought to be kidding me. Dint you tell us that you knew the path to the water falls ? The same one that you did some research online before we stepped in here?"
I gulped, wondering what I was about to say. Firstly I was not sure why I was in the forest, now she says that I promised them to take them to a waterfall. What in the world was happening? While a part of me was telling me that everything that was happening around me was not supposed to, something in me told me to continue going. To lighten the mood, I said,
"Aah you guys will never learn how to be humorous. I was kidding. I was checking if you guys are still excited to go there or if you both were tired."
Sunaina punched me on my back and said "You and your stupid pranks!"
I laughed and kept moving. Just as we moving, Rocky said, "Dude, trust me, I am going to punch you someday for sure."
I replied, "I am tired of people saying that man, No one does. So many have told me that they hate me and they want to kill me, but no one does.." I looked at him and smiled.
Rocky replied, "Once a bugger always a bugger"
I chuckled.
With that, I began thinking of how the hell am I supposed to guide these two to a place that I myself was not sure of. I had no idea where the waterfall was or how to get there. But I knew one thing. This is something that I had to do, go there. Push these two off it. I smiled.
While we continued walking, we saw several birds, some snakes too. We saw flowers that were really colorful and were so pleasing to eyes. Just we were seeing one of the beautiful big flower, we saw a small bird flying over to the flower and sitting on it. Within few seconds of that, the flower trapped the bird. Sunaina screamed with shock. I was stunned. Insectivorous plants. Always heard of them. Had never seen them.
"Survival instinct. Thats an insectivorous plant. For its survival, it eats other organisms to get its nutrients that is not in the soil around it. Lets keep moving."
We conitnued walking. For quite few moments that followed, all three of us were thinking of what we saw. Just as we continued walking, we heard a huge gushing sound of the water. We knew instantly that we reached the waterfall. In excitement, we hurried. Steps became faster, time began flying, hearts began thumping. We were so excited, we did not see what was there ahead. Sunaina was so excited, two boys could not control one girl. Girls Well, I wonder if they can even control themselves for that matter.
She began running towards the sound and just as she ran, few yards ahead of me, she slipped with a thud, began rolling down like a crazy ball thrown into a slope. Rocky and I were so stunned, we had not anticipated the fall, let alone the fall, we had not anticipated the fall of a girl. Both of us jumped the slope to save her. There we were. One girl was the reason for the fall of two guys. That instantly put Eve to shame for she had only Adam fall for her. I was so furious, I began screaming while we rolled down the slope.
"Sunaina, trust me, when I get you, I am going to get you back up there and push you down this slope as hard as I possibly can, You dumb woman!!"
Rocky screamed, "Dude fuck you. Forget about the prank, think of saving her."
I said, "Oh you bet, I am going to save her, and I am going to get the shit out of her. Dumb moron Sunaina Mittal." I was shocked that I instantly remembered her last name.
All this while, like a screwed up siren of a factory, Sunaina kept on screaming "Help ! Help ! Help !"
Luckily, for us, the slope ended up on a plain, few hundred feet from the river. Sunaina rolled out like a ball and hit the plain ground with a foot tall grass, wet grass actually. She was covered with mud. Following her great landing, Rocky and I, equally covered with mud hit the wet grass. I gathered my legs and stood up and began walking towards Sunaina, with almost an anger to go hit her. I hurried with fast steps and she tried to step backwards slowly, scared, completely scared of me. Rocky came running towards me, to stop me from what was about to happen, He help m right arm and tried to stop me. I got off him, with a serious tone I said,
"Rocky, just wait. Just wait., Dont interrupt me. Just dont, This dumb moron, you just wait."
I walked to her, took a heavy breath, in a stepping back action, as if I was going to slap her real hard, too my right hand semi circle away from me and was about to hit her. She closed her eyes. I held her left arm and asked,
"Are you alright Sunaina?"
Surprise was on Rocky and Sunaina's face. What a sight that was. Sunaina was confused and so was Rocky.
"You both thought I would shout and hit you right? Well, there is no fun in doing something that expect me to. With me, expect the unexpected." I smiled.
They both stared a glance and each other, the one in which both would not know what to do. I instantly knew what was about to happen next. Both of them began beating me up. Things that I end up doing for myself.
We sat there, laughing at what just happened. Rested for few minutes. The sky was clear. As blue as it could possibly be. Birds flew over us, and water was flowing next to us. There is something fascinating about the gushing water in a river. The moment I see such a scene, happiness fills me. The water does not stay at one place. Keeps moving. From one terrain to the other, forgetting about the previous terrain it was in. Associating that to my life, I realize that I should keep moving ahead regardless of how the past has been. The water hits so many rocks, gets shattered, but once the rocks are passed, the water gathers back up, and continues flowing as if nothing ever happened. I again realize that same things happen in life as well. Tough situations come, we get shattered, but if we move on from then on, we gather ourself and continue flowing like the water in the river. Gushing water in the river, always makes me happy.
To be continued..
Lately, I have not been having adequate sleep. Let alone that, I have not been having any kind of soothing sleep at all. Perhaps this is what happens when anxiousness creeps in and restlessness overpowers you. So there I was, trying to sleep, forcing myself to close my eyes and trying to dream. Not really sure how long it took me to fall asleep but when I did, I saw myself walking in a forest.
With lush green leaves all around me, the pure oxygen that I inhaled made me feel fresh all through the walk. I looked around to see if I was alone or if someone was there with me, I saw two of them. A girl and a guy. Had never seen them before. Sudden reaction was to try and figure out who they were and most importantly, where we were. As I was sweating, I reached the pocket in my shorts to fetch the hand kerchief. I felt a paper in the pocket. Took it out and read. It turned out to be a letter to the forest department that I had written, which in turn was approved. In it I saw the names of the two who were with me. Sunaina, Rocky, Mithun. I began wondering who these two were. For a moment I thought if I was dreaming, But I knew I was not, They were walking behind me, I was leading them and we were walking in the jungle. A stick in each of our right hand, trying to move the branches of the 5-6 feet bushes. The greenness of the leaves around us made the forest a breathtaking place to be in. I could hear birds chirping, crickets making their weird yet soothing sound. I must say, in the forest, the crickets can both be creepy and cute to hear.
So as we walked, I asked,
"So Rocky, what are the plans now. I am starving. Dont know where we are going. So start speaking.."
Rocky replied, "Are you kidding me?"
I replied, "Excuse me?"
Sunaina interrupted, "Mithun, you definitely ought to be kidding me. Dint you tell us that you knew the path to the water falls ? The same one that you did some research online before we stepped in here?"
I gulped, wondering what I was about to say. Firstly I was not sure why I was in the forest, now she says that I promised them to take them to a waterfall. What in the world was happening? While a part of me was telling me that everything that was happening around me was not supposed to, something in me told me to continue going. To lighten the mood, I said,
"Aah you guys will never learn how to be humorous. I was kidding. I was checking if you guys are still excited to go there or if you both were tired."
Sunaina punched me on my back and said "You and your stupid pranks!"
I laughed and kept moving. Just as we moving, Rocky said, "Dude, trust me, I am going to punch you someday for sure."
I replied, "I am tired of people saying that man, No one does. So many have told me that they hate me and they want to kill me, but no one does.." I looked at him and smiled.
Rocky replied, "Once a bugger always a bugger"
I chuckled.
With that, I began thinking of how the hell am I supposed to guide these two to a place that I myself was not sure of. I had no idea where the waterfall was or how to get there. But I knew one thing. This is something that I had to do, go there. Push these two off it. I smiled.
While we continued walking, we saw several birds, some snakes too. We saw flowers that were really colorful and were so pleasing to eyes. Just we were seeing one of the beautiful big flower, we saw a small bird flying over to the flower and sitting on it. Within few seconds of that, the flower trapped the bird. Sunaina screamed with shock. I was stunned. Insectivorous plants. Always heard of them. Had never seen them.
"Survival instinct. Thats an insectivorous plant. For its survival, it eats other organisms to get its nutrients that is not in the soil around it. Lets keep moving."
We conitnued walking. For quite few moments that followed, all three of us were thinking of what we saw. Just as we continued walking, we heard a huge gushing sound of the water. We knew instantly that we reached the waterfall. In excitement, we hurried. Steps became faster, time began flying, hearts began thumping. We were so excited, we did not see what was there ahead. Sunaina was so excited, two boys could not control one girl. Girls Well, I wonder if they can even control themselves for that matter.
She began running towards the sound and just as she ran, few yards ahead of me, she slipped with a thud, began rolling down like a crazy ball thrown into a slope. Rocky and I were so stunned, we had not anticipated the fall, let alone the fall, we had not anticipated the fall of a girl. Both of us jumped the slope to save her. There we were. One girl was the reason for the fall of two guys. That instantly put Eve to shame for she had only Adam fall for her. I was so furious, I began screaming while we rolled down the slope.
"Sunaina, trust me, when I get you, I am going to get you back up there and push you down this slope as hard as I possibly can, You dumb woman!!"
Rocky screamed, "Dude fuck you. Forget about the prank, think of saving her."
I said, "Oh you bet, I am going to save her, and I am going to get the shit out of her. Dumb moron Sunaina Mittal." I was shocked that I instantly remembered her last name.
All this while, like a screwed up siren of a factory, Sunaina kept on screaming "Help ! Help ! Help !"
Luckily, for us, the slope ended up on a plain, few hundred feet from the river. Sunaina rolled out like a ball and hit the plain ground with a foot tall grass, wet grass actually. She was covered with mud. Following her great landing, Rocky and I, equally covered with mud hit the wet grass. I gathered my legs and stood up and began walking towards Sunaina, with almost an anger to go hit her. I hurried with fast steps and she tried to step backwards slowly, scared, completely scared of me. Rocky came running towards me, to stop me from what was about to happen, He help m right arm and tried to stop me. I got off him, with a serious tone I said,
"Rocky, just wait. Just wait., Dont interrupt me. Just dont, This dumb moron, you just wait."
I walked to her, took a heavy breath, in a stepping back action, as if I was going to slap her real hard, too my right hand semi circle away from me and was about to hit her. She closed her eyes. I held her left arm and asked,
"Are you alright Sunaina?"
Surprise was on Rocky and Sunaina's face. What a sight that was. Sunaina was confused and so was Rocky.
"You both thought I would shout and hit you right? Well, there is no fun in doing something that expect me to. With me, expect the unexpected." I smiled.
They both stared a glance and each other, the one in which both would not know what to do. I instantly knew what was about to happen next. Both of them began beating me up. Things that I end up doing for myself.
We sat there, laughing at what just happened. Rested for few minutes. The sky was clear. As blue as it could possibly be. Birds flew over us, and water was flowing next to us. There is something fascinating about the gushing water in a river. The moment I see such a scene, happiness fills me. The water does not stay at one place. Keeps moving. From one terrain to the other, forgetting about the previous terrain it was in. Associating that to my life, I realize that I should keep moving ahead regardless of how the past has been. The water hits so many rocks, gets shattered, but once the rocks are passed, the water gathers back up, and continues flowing as if nothing ever happened. I again realize that same things happen in life as well. Tough situations come, we get shattered, but if we move on from then on, we gather ourself and continue flowing like the water in the river. Gushing water in the river, always makes me happy.
To be continued..
Sunday, 22 November 2009
My First Tattoo
For a long time I have been thinking of getting a tattoo done. But the urge to get a tattoo done became more prominent when I watched a television show named Prison Break. It was during this tv show that I realized how much committed one has to be to get a tattoo done. Something that is of prominence in a person's life, that he/she can get it on their skin and live with it for rest of their lives. I think added to that, the person has to be quite courageous. Humans as we are, we tend to walk away from the slightest possible pain.
Several years passed with a thought of getting a tattoo done on me. Seven months back when I realized I was in love, I was quite carried away in it. No regrets whatsoever. I still love the same way. Its more like jumping with both the feet in it. I wanted to get her name tattoed on my arm. The urge was such huge one that I almost ended up getting a tattoo done. But as days passed by, I began realizing that it was not in her best interest for me to get a tattoo done, for I had no idea as to how she would react to this. A part of me was wanting me to give her a surprise by letting her see a tattoo on me that had her name in it. As much romantic as this thought could possibly be, it also involved a possible way of jeopardizing everything that was there between her and me.
I guess, we all need friends for they can really knock your head and bring you back on track. When I had decided to get her name tattooed on my arm, I had a chat with my best friend, Koushik. Him and I share a very unique friendship. Somehow, we both manage to pop up a solution when the mind of the other is filled with questions. Something similar happened. On the day of getting a tattoo done, I had a chat with him and told him about my decision. He plainly denied and rejected my decision and insisted on not doing so. While he had valid reasons, I still was not clear of it. For me, expressing what I feel is very important. After having learnt to suppress it, I have realized that expressing feelings is much honest thing to do. I love her and I wanted to express it in an unconditional manner, hence my decision to get her name tattooed. As much as this thought was good, the essence of my chat with Koushik made me realize something that was beyond my understanding that that point in time.
To get tattooed in any design or a name of the person we love is very easy thing to do. From my point of view, anyone can get a tattoo done. But I realized that there are ways in which a tattoo can be meaningful. Symbols that had some meaning to it, or on a much deeper note, symbols to which both of us could relate to. If there is something that I have learnt to value as much as she does, it is the existence of the supreme entity aka God. So I searched for symbols describing God or for that matter any possible similar symbols. As I searched, I stumbled upon a collection of symbols called as the "Adinkra-symbols". The moment I saw the symbols and came across a symbol for "Supremacy of God", I knew that it was the kind of art I was looking for. However, I wanted to keep my options open. So when I visited the tattoo artist, I saw various books on tattooes in his room, but none impressed me. So I stuck to the one that I liked the most.
It took less than 20 minutes for me to get my tattoo done. Pain was nothing. I guess pain is in the mind and in my mind, there is no pain of any kind. So the pricking of the needle gave me no pain. Infact, I was amazed at the way the tattoo machines work. The way ink is put on the skin, the way the machine pricks. It was a treat to watch my skin penetrated multiple times by the needle, and with every penetration, certain amount of ink was deposited. The experience of getting the tattoo done was indeed good one.
All said and done, I have no regrets of this. Every time I see the tattoo, it instills certain ounce of confidence in me. It makes me happy. More like a connection with supreme entity. I am happy with it.
Several years passed with a thought of getting a tattoo done on me. Seven months back when I realized I was in love, I was quite carried away in it. No regrets whatsoever. I still love the same way. Its more like jumping with both the feet in it. I wanted to get her name tattoed on my arm. The urge was such huge one that I almost ended up getting a tattoo done. But as days passed by, I began realizing that it was not in her best interest for me to get a tattoo done, for I had no idea as to how she would react to this. A part of me was wanting me to give her a surprise by letting her see a tattoo on me that had her name in it. As much romantic as this thought could possibly be, it also involved a possible way of jeopardizing everything that was there between her and me.
I guess, we all need friends for they can really knock your head and bring you back on track. When I had decided to get her name tattooed on my arm, I had a chat with my best friend, Koushik. Him and I share a very unique friendship. Somehow, we both manage to pop up a solution when the mind of the other is filled with questions. Something similar happened. On the day of getting a tattoo done, I had a chat with him and told him about my decision. He plainly denied and rejected my decision and insisted on not doing so. While he had valid reasons, I still was not clear of it. For me, expressing what I feel is very important. After having learnt to suppress it, I have realized that expressing feelings is much honest thing to do. I love her and I wanted to express it in an unconditional manner, hence my decision to get her name tattooed. As much as this thought was good, the essence of my chat with Koushik made me realize something that was beyond my understanding that that point in time.
To get tattooed in any design or a name of the person we love is very easy thing to do. From my point of view, anyone can get a tattoo done. But I realized that there are ways in which a tattoo can be meaningful. Symbols that had some meaning to it, or on a much deeper note, symbols to which both of us could relate to. If there is something that I have learnt to value as much as she does, it is the existence of the supreme entity aka God. So I searched for symbols describing God or for that matter any possible similar symbols. As I searched, I stumbled upon a collection of symbols called as the "Adinkra-symbols". The moment I saw the symbols and came across a symbol for "Supremacy of God", I knew that it was the kind of art I was looking for. However, I wanted to keep my options open. So when I visited the tattoo artist, I saw various books on tattooes in his room, but none impressed me. So I stuck to the one that I liked the most.
It took less than 20 minutes for me to get my tattoo done. Pain was nothing. I guess pain is in the mind and in my mind, there is no pain of any kind. So the pricking of the needle gave me no pain. Infact, I was amazed at the way the tattoo machines work. The way ink is put on the skin, the way the machine pricks. It was a treat to watch my skin penetrated multiple times by the needle, and with every penetration, certain amount of ink was deposited. The experience of getting the tattoo done was indeed good one.
All said and done, I have no regrets of this. Every time I see the tattoo, it instills certain ounce of confidence in me. It makes me happy. More like a connection with supreme entity. I am happy with it.
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