3 Quarters....

I completely admit that this is definitely not a good way to come back and blog, especially after not being able to blog for over a month.

Last 2 months have been unfortunately too busy and very energy consuming. I cannot list out things that I have missed out. I cannot possibly write down thousands of emotions that I have gone through. Everything from love and happiness to anger and sadness. Everything from over enthusiastic to total dull nature. All things that I could possibly feel, was what I felt in last 2 months. Even from being loved most, to feeling not having someone beside who would love me unconditionally. Man, what a tiring couple of months it has been.

Last week when I was preparing a presentation that outlined the work done for the year 2008, I suddenly realized how workaholic I have been. I mean, what kind of a person would have handled over 38 projects in a single year having initiated 7 most crucial ones!!!! No wonder I am going through a "I-want-a-vacation-right-now" syndrome.

Its over 3 quarters into 2008 and in few weeks, new year is on the cards. Scary a thought isnt it? I mean, who the fuck knew that this year would pass like a lightning? It was as though we were in a journey, riding on a lightning striking thunders here and there. Sometimes bright and catastrophic, and sometimes mild, hardly noticed. What a whopping journey it has been so far.

Having said that, I now want to vent out my real frustrations for I cant talk about them to anyone. Not because I dont trust anyone. Thats total false crap. I trust so many. I cant talk to anyone because, everyone already have their share of problems and with mine, their shoulder bone might actually crack!! So I thought, I thought a lot and finally chose my favourite blog to talk it all.

Life has been slow overall to me, though 2008 is flying like a speedster. In order to fulfill the wishes the one and the only one that I love, I have taken my extremes to new limits. Having been so busy at work, I have not given my family their share of happiness. I had set out 2008 with a determined goal. And 3 quarters down the line, I am back at square one.

Square one.. Ah.. I remember that. How can I ever forget that? Everything in my life goes around and comes back completely around. So, though I started at square one, after 9 months, I am back at square one. I am still an individual entity, one is what I mean.

There are times when a person usually tells to himself, I think actually fools himself, "I can achieve this, I can do this, I can find this, I can manage this, I can get over this, I can get this, I can, I will, I should, I have.. what not.. " Rebound is what happens in its total form.

No matter how many you are with, No matter how many are with you, No matter who you are with, No matter who you are with anyone, in the end, the trust still haunts you. In your innerself, you have a voice that haunts you like a tormenting ghost from some 1970s movie. This haunts you so much, that you literally fight a tempest within you. Something like that is what I have been doing all the while.

Tonight is one such moment when the tempest won and I lost. Distant memories, flashed like the waves touched the shore. I suddenly realized that though I grew a year old, my very heart is still there, the same place where it was an year ago.

I had read an article somewhere, not sure where. It goes like ".... being alone is the best thing. Being lonely is worse. In being alone, you find yourself. Your true you. You know how weak you are, how much you need to improve. Your true identity reflects when you feel you are alone. But being lonely is worse. It brings a thought in you that you are let alone by others and you compare the happiness in others' life and find yourself sad. Being lonely is what brings out the fear in you, because this state makes you feel that you are worth nothing. This makes you feel you the pessimism to its heights(ofcourse in the negative way!)