Old habits die hard. While I travel, I usually write a lot. Lets just say, I use the time in a productive way that I could be proud about. As my history goes, this time around, I did the same. Due to an emergency work, I had to go to Raichur, and this is what I wrote while I was travelling in the train.
Location: Train, Sleeper Coach, Side Lower berth
Date: 21 October 2009
Time: 0030 AM
Here we go..
It is now 0030am. On my way to Raichur, just crossed Gauribidanur. A place not that far from Bangalore. Its been almost two hours since the train departed from Bangalore. While most of the people in the sleeper coach have slept, I am wide awake, typing and writing down my thoughts.
Everytime an inhabited area is passed, darkness glooms, until another inhabited area comes around. It has been happening for quite few times tonight and as the journey goes ahead, there might be some durations of darkness that might appear to be longer than expected. As I set next to a window and look into the darkness, I see flashes. The flashes remind me of great times in my life and they also bring forth the darkest times in my life too. For some strange reason, everytime I see darkness, yes, you read it right, for everytime I see darkness, something in me lights up, more like a bio-luminiscence object within me, perhaps my soul.
While most of the people prefer sleeping in the darkness for they fear what darkness might bring unto them, I stay wide awake, looking right into the eyes of the darkness. Looking into the darkness makes me look into void, a void that otherwsie I would not have looked into. This darkness that continues to elude me for my life time has indeed taught me plenty of things. The dimly lit lights in the bogie throw up a faint light on the ground beside the path of the tracks. As I see the ground moving, I see several stones, some shrubs, a brdige did pass by, river water, sound of the water played in melancholy with that of the rails. As I continued to look into these, I decided to look upwards. What a sight that was.. Cloudless sky, filled with countless stars. Constellations after constellations, twinkles after twinkles, from one end to the other, as far as the horizon goes, the stars shone.
With stars shining in the sky, I began associating the stars to good things that happened in my life with those that I did to the others around me and the darkness between each stars were then associated to the tough times I had between two good things. As i continued doing so, I realized one thing. If you want to make out a pattern, you will make it out. If you look out for a meaning, you will find one. If you just sit an stare, you will just sit and stare. As I continued my exercise for the night, I was glad to see the picture. On more than one occassion, lately, it is the same picture that I have been seeing. Somehow, it reappears over and over again.
The wind continued to blow on my face with a gushing sound. I could feel the sound even as I continued listening to music as loud as I possibly could. Over a period of time, the wind became cooler and cooler and cooler. Was I going into oblivion? Not sure. Was I going into a realm of cold thoughts? Not sure. Was I going into more deeper world where everything was dark and thoughts would continue flashing? Not sure. As I kept thinking on this. I closed my eyes, fell asleep. When I woke up, I was looking at the platform in one of the stations, checked my ipod, music was still on, saw a look on my fellow passengers, kinda anger for keeping the windows open, oops..
As I saw the picture again, I said to myself. This picture makes me smile when world around me is not with me. Being in love was never this soothing..
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