Dear Lord, I know you are over there, up above in the sky, watching me praying this, yet another time. Every time, I spend these minutes talking to you, you know that I have said the same things already. I know you are looking at me, smiling and saying, "My child, when the time is right, you will get what you need. I am taking care of you."
**The person Smiles**
Lord, dear God, you know exactly how I feel at this very moment. With no blocks in vision, you surely can see what I am going through. Everybody who believes that you exist, knows that no one can hide anything from you and despite the fact that I have hid my feelings and emotions from the world, I know that you know them all.
I sit here, on my knees, with clasped wrists, and head held towards the sky with my eyes closed, and heart thumping faster and faster. You know why I am having this talk with you. It is you to whom I can say anything and fear not being judged. It is you who knows me better than I know myself or anybody that knows me.
**Suppresses the closed eyes**
God, you know how much I love you and you also know how much I love her. I do not know where this life of mine is headed, you very well do. I know you have a plan for me, and you will always do the best for me. In you I lay my trust, my belief and my faith. As I have told this to you earlier, I say this unto you yet again.
**A tear takes form in each of the eyes**
Dear Lord, take away all her sadness, negative emotions, disappointments from her life, give them to me. Give my happiness, my joy to her. Keep her away from strife, let happiness fill her life. God, she is very special, not just as a person, but special to me too. More than me, you know it, and I am pretty sure that you will concur to this too. I have never been thankful to you as much as this, for you made someone this special, who had the power to change me completely. You work miracles and wonders in miraculous and wonderful ways. God, the very thought of she not being happy, makes my world turn upside down. Please take care of her.
**That which were formed earlier, now roll down the cheeks, like an unstoppable force**
My last thought before I fall asleep and my first thought when I wake up is my prayerful wish to you, to keep her happy and healthy. Death will come to me someday for sure, I do not know when. But Lord, without her by my side, you know I will die every single day. Give me strength to be strong, to pray this same thing over and over again. God, in the end, let your will be done.
Amen.
**Wipes the wet cheeks off, says to himself, "She will be fine." **
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Painful moments are actually the strengthening ones
Disappointments are the milestones in life. They are one of a kind. They run paralleled with the achievements, which are also the milestones, again, one of a kind.
If one looks back into life, and finds more disappointments, it actually means there have been more number of attempts, so what if the success has been less? I am pretty sure that those milestones of achievements were far more sweet than what they could have been if the disappointments were less. Somehow, always, the achievements that we have after a lot of painful struggles, failures, hardships, hurt, after all those tough moments, somehow, this achievement, be it a thing a person of a moment of happiness, is very cherishing. Perhaps, this is the reason we had 'Try and try again until you succeed' lesson in our school days. The classic tale of the spider trying to get back to its web, somehow, its that web is what matters.
If we all got what we wanted, there would be anarchy and chaos in the world, and may be, just be, that is why we do not always get what we want. However, when the clock strikes the right time, we tend to get what we need the most.
Sometimes my soul feels as though it's withering, sere as desert plants too long deprived of liquid. However, writing is like my hydrotherapy, only the right writing will plump and buoy that wispy intangible portal to life. I can see, hear, feel, breathe, sigh, sit, settled in an old comfort, a familiar rut. I recognize this in my
bones, my heart, chest, lungs. I breathe deeply, returning home at last. Aah the love.. I now realize I have uncovered, discovered, recovered enough to feel safe enough to reveal myself to someone else, and how. It will soon be a year since I quit smoking, and the determination to quit is my dedication of new life to the only one who is worth of it.
For everything that has been, that is, and that will be, in all manner, at all times,
Cloudy carnivores of souls,
saintly demons rise from mist like unpolished butterflies.
Saintly demons have transparent employment to misguide me.
Profound distance kept me hidden from myself and unreachable.
The resentments while on one hand made me stronger,
on the other made me question my very strength.
Speaking of that, its story time (its been a while since a story appeared on my blog):
A story tells of a merchant in a small town who had identical twin sons. The boys worked for their father in the department store he owned and, when he died, they took over the store.
Everything went well until the day a dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with a customer. When he returned, the money was gone.
He asked his brother, "Did you see that dollar bill on the cash register?" His brother replied that he had not.
But the young man kept probing and questioning. He would not let it alone. "Dollar bills just don't get up and walk away! Surely you must have seen it!"
There was subtle accusation in his voice. Tempers began to rise. Resentment set in. Before long, a deep and bitter chasm divided the young men. They refused to speak. They finally decided they could no longer work together and a dividing wall was built down the center of the store. For twenty years hostility and bitterness grew, spreading to their families and to the community.
Then one day a man in an automobile licensed in another state stopped in front of the store. He walked in and asked the clerk, "How long have you been here?"
The clerk replied that he'd been there all his life. The customer said, "I must share something with you. Twenty years ago I was "riding the rails" and came into this town in a boxcar. I hadn't eaten for three days. I came into this store from the back door and saw a dollar bill on the cash register. I put it in my pocket and walked out. All these years I haven't been able to forget that. I know it wasn't much money, but I had to come back and ask your forgiveness."
The stranger was amazed to see tears well up in the eyes of this middle-aged man. "Would you please go next door and tell that same story to the man in the store?" he said. Then the man was even more amazed to see two middle-aged men, who looked very much alike, embracing each other and weeping together in the front of the store.
After twenty years, the brokenness was mended. The wall of resentment that divided them came down.
It is so often the little things that finally divide people- words spoken in haste; criticisms; accusations; resentments. And once divided, they may never come together again.
The solution, of course, is to let it go. There is really nothing particularly profound about learning to let go of little resentments. But for fulfilling and lasting relationships, letting them go is a must. Refuse to carry around bitterness and you may be surprised at how much energy you have left for building bonds with those you love.
If one looks back into life, and finds more disappointments, it actually means there have been more number of attempts, so what if the success has been less? I am pretty sure that those milestones of achievements were far more sweet than what they could have been if the disappointments were less. Somehow, always, the achievements that we have after a lot of painful struggles, failures, hardships, hurt, after all those tough moments, somehow, this achievement, be it a thing a person of a moment of happiness, is very cherishing. Perhaps, this is the reason we had 'Try and try again until you succeed' lesson in our school days. The classic tale of the spider trying to get back to its web, somehow, its that web is what matters.
If we all got what we wanted, there would be anarchy and chaos in the world, and may be, just be, that is why we do not always get what we want. However, when the clock strikes the right time, we tend to get what we need the most.
Sometimes my soul feels as though it's withering, sere as desert plants too long deprived of liquid. However, writing is like my hydrotherapy, only the right writing will plump and buoy that wispy intangible portal to life. I can see, hear, feel, breathe, sigh, sit, settled in an old comfort, a familiar rut. I recognize this in my
bones, my heart, chest, lungs. I breathe deeply, returning home at last. Aah the love.. I now realize I have uncovered, discovered, recovered enough to feel safe enough to reveal myself to someone else, and how. It will soon be a year since I quit smoking, and the determination to quit is my dedication of new life to the only one who is worth of it.
For everything that has been, that is, and that will be, in all manner, at all times,
Cloudy carnivores of souls,
saintly demons rise from mist like unpolished butterflies.
Saintly demons have transparent employment to misguide me.
Profound distance kept me hidden from myself and unreachable.
The resentments while on one hand made me stronger,
on the other made me question my very strength.
Speaking of that, its story time (its been a while since a story appeared on my blog):
A story tells of a merchant in a small town who had identical twin sons. The boys worked for their father in the department store he owned and, when he died, they took over the store.
Everything went well until the day a dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with a customer. When he returned, the money was gone.
He asked his brother, "Did you see that dollar bill on the cash register?" His brother replied that he had not.
But the young man kept probing and questioning. He would not let it alone. "Dollar bills just don't get up and walk away! Surely you must have seen it!"
There was subtle accusation in his voice. Tempers began to rise. Resentment set in. Before long, a deep and bitter chasm divided the young men. They refused to speak. They finally decided they could no longer work together and a dividing wall was built down the center of the store. For twenty years hostility and bitterness grew, spreading to their families and to the community.
Then one day a man in an automobile licensed in another state stopped in front of the store. He walked in and asked the clerk, "How long have you been here?"
The clerk replied that he'd been there all his life. The customer said, "I must share something with you. Twenty years ago I was "riding the rails" and came into this town in a boxcar. I hadn't eaten for three days. I came into this store from the back door and saw a dollar bill on the cash register. I put it in my pocket and walked out. All these years I haven't been able to forget that. I know it wasn't much money, but I had to come back and ask your forgiveness."
The stranger was amazed to see tears well up in the eyes of this middle-aged man. "Would you please go next door and tell that same story to the man in the store?" he said. Then the man was even more amazed to see two middle-aged men, who looked very much alike, embracing each other and weeping together in the front of the store.
After twenty years, the brokenness was mended. The wall of resentment that divided them came down.
It is so often the little things that finally divide people- words spoken in haste; criticisms; accusations; resentments. And once divided, they may never come together again.
The solution, of course, is to let it go. There is really nothing particularly profound about learning to let go of little resentments. But for fulfilling and lasting relationships, letting them go is a must. Refuse to carry around bitterness and you may be surprised at how much energy you have left for building bonds with those you love.
Those days, these days, all the days..
They say (not sure who, but someone someday surely did say such a thing) that even the greatest journey begins with a single step. Well, lets modify that to suit our needs. Greatest storm also starts by little rain drops, much like the little drizzles. Greatest earth quakes are also preceded by mild tremors in the ground. Going further, the tsunami, true, even the tsunami, a huge monstrous wave, also begins with a small ripple in the waves caused by mild tremors. I mean, look at it. Its all right there. Anything and everything that we need answers for, are actually hidden in the nature, in some mystical, magical and in a magnanimous manner, so unimaginable that if you were not looking at the right place, you would definitely miss them. These few examples that I just quoted, are things that have enormous outcomes, I mean, really enormous.
With that said, what should also be considered is the fact that the times during these happen, are the times that challenge the most. These challenging times are very tough and when I speak of that, I begin to wonder. Tough times do not last, tough people do. But if tough times keep coming back, would people continue to be as tough as they were? Would they become tough enough to face the recurring tough situations? Or, worse as it may be, would the tough ones give into the tough situations? Sometimes, I just ponder over this no matter how many times I know the answer for this, which again, is my perception.
Life as it has, brought in too many such situations. if at all there is something that I have got to learn out of life so far, its that the most important lessons are taught to us in the most cruelest way, during which one often tends to lose focus on reality. As a matter of fact, the permanent temptation of life is to confuse dreams with reality, but the permanent defeat of life is when dreams gets surrendered to reality.
We dream, we chase them to make them a reality, we face tough challenges, we lose confidence, we still continue the quest, never give up, still go on, we begin doubting our own abilities, our destiny, and yet, continue chasing that dream, for we badly want that to be a reality. Every time we begin to give up, almost like a buzzer, much like an instant alarm, we hear an inner voice saying 'You held on this long, why give up?' and then you say to yourself, 'Yes, why should I give up?'.
At this very moment, I cannot recollect where I read this, it went something like this:
--- The worst in life is "attachment ", it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is " loneliness " because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything. ---
(how true !)
With that said, what should also be considered is the fact that the times during these happen, are the times that challenge the most. These challenging times are very tough and when I speak of that, I begin to wonder. Tough times do not last, tough people do. But if tough times keep coming back, would people continue to be as tough as they were? Would they become tough enough to face the recurring tough situations? Or, worse as it may be, would the tough ones give into the tough situations? Sometimes, I just ponder over this no matter how many times I know the answer for this, which again, is my perception.
Life as it has, brought in too many such situations. if at all there is something that I have got to learn out of life so far, its that the most important lessons are taught to us in the most cruelest way, during which one often tends to lose focus on reality. As a matter of fact, the permanent temptation of life is to confuse dreams with reality, but the permanent defeat of life is when dreams gets surrendered to reality.
We dream, we chase them to make them a reality, we face tough challenges, we lose confidence, we still continue the quest, never give up, still go on, we begin doubting our own abilities, our destiny, and yet, continue chasing that dream, for we badly want that to be a reality. Every time we begin to give up, almost like a buzzer, much like an instant alarm, we hear an inner voice saying 'You held on this long, why give up?' and then you say to yourself, 'Yes, why should I give up?'.
At this very moment, I cannot recollect where I read this, it went something like this:
--- The worst in life is "attachment ", it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is " loneliness " because it teaches you everything and, when you lose it, you get everything. ---
(how true !)
Thursday, 8 July 2010
When I thought about you, there were things I wanted to tell you..
Oh girl with beautiful eyes and beautiful face,
Be gentle, what you're holding is actually my heart..
The mistress of my eyes, Alone in pristine skies,
How can I tell you what I feel for you?
When I think of you my feelings twist inside.
You're the sun in my sky,
The wind that takes me where I want to go,
The sweet incense that makes me feel so high
That loving you seems all I need to know.
Every day I find I'm thinking of you,
Which makes me hope we walk in the same way.
Some night, perhaps, we'll go hang out somewhere;
I will reach for you, and you'll be there.
My mood is like a cloudy noon
Waiting for the sun,
I fidget in my emptiness,
Not knowing where to run;
The days I spent with you are like a tape;
I play, rewind, play, rewind, and play.
Your eyes won't let my thoughts go back to sleep;
Although I look for you in every doorway.
Life's become too average,
I'm lost in the normality,
Without you by my side, such has become my reality.
No matter what our troubles, I still love you,
As though a part of me were also you.
Life isn't easy, but I know without you
There will be bitterness in all I do.
Be gentle, what you're holding is actually my heart..
The mistress of my eyes, Alone in pristine skies,
How can I tell you what I feel for you?
When I think of you my feelings twist inside.
You're the sun in my sky,
The wind that takes me where I want to go,
The sweet incense that makes me feel so high
That loving you seems all I need to know.
Every day I find I'm thinking of you,
Which makes me hope we walk in the same way.
Some night, perhaps, we'll go hang out somewhere;
I will reach for you, and you'll be there.
My mood is like a cloudy noon
Waiting for the sun,
I fidget in my emptiness,
Not knowing where to run;
The days I spent with you are like a tape;
I play, rewind, play, rewind, and play.
Your eyes won't let my thoughts go back to sleep;
Although I look for you in every doorway.
Life's become too average,
I'm lost in the normality,
Without you by my side, such has become my reality.
No matter what our troubles, I still love you,
As though a part of me were also you.
Life isn't easy, but I know without you
There will be bitterness in all I do.
Movies Music and Emotions
There is a reason we all love movies and there is a reason the movie makers are such a good money makers. Sometimes, there are certain moments in my life, which when happened, I wished some lovely music played in the background, just the way it happens in the movies.
Like for example, when I am angry on someone, or pissed off at someone, I would like the Beethoven music to be playing in the background. While I walk in the dark, when no one is around, I would like for some haunting music to be played, at least that way I would get to know if a ghost really exists in life. And at times, during those instances, the ones that make love overflow in eyes, I wish certain romantic songs played too. Not to forget, during those highly entertaining and joyful periods, I wish Nakka Mukka played automatically too.
Actually, when you think about it, if you happen to notice, almost for all the kind of emotions we could possibly go through, there has been a song made about it. Thanks to India cinema, the music makes the soul rejoice in those moments, be it the loving ones or the dreaded ones, soul kinda resonates to the music. Strange, but true.
Half way through writing this post, I almost forgot the intention of me wanting to write this post. I guess that was the after effect of of listening to the music while I was writing the post. Sometimes, we tend to, actually, all the time, we tend to listen to wild songs when we are wanting to be adventurous, guys like me listen to hard rock music or real heavy metal or super fast dance track numbers from apun ka Bollywood. Now that is exactly the reason I have specific playlists on my ipod. At the start of the day, I listen to fast music, trying to set a pace for the day and as I get back to home, I listen to soothing songs, trying to calm my mechanic mind.
It is just amazing how our mind finds the song to suit our mood. I wish there was a picture on how mind finds the song, I am sure it is that gland that's present in the skull. Few hours back, I was going through some thoughts that kind of made me emotionally unstable, yepp, I was emotionally unstable and all of a sudden, I remembered the song and searched for it in my ipod. Could not find it and I began growing restless. I knew it was there on it. I wondered how come I could not find it. Just to cross check, I checked my mobile and see if it was there on the memory card and to be elated joy, I found it. Five minutes later, I was all relaxed. Now I wish I could say what the song was, but if I did, then there would be no joy.
Not really sure how others are but somehow, I have gotten used to music to calm the storm within me under certain circumstances.
Aah music, you are one of the very vital parts of my existence.
Like for example, when I am angry on someone, or pissed off at someone, I would like the Beethoven music to be playing in the background. While I walk in the dark, when no one is around, I would like for some haunting music to be played, at least that way I would get to know if a ghost really exists in life. And at times, during those instances, the ones that make love overflow in eyes, I wish certain romantic songs played too. Not to forget, during those highly entertaining and joyful periods, I wish Nakka Mukka played automatically too.
Actually, when you think about it, if you happen to notice, almost for all the kind of emotions we could possibly go through, there has been a song made about it. Thanks to India cinema, the music makes the soul rejoice in those moments, be it the loving ones or the dreaded ones, soul kinda resonates to the music. Strange, but true.
Half way through writing this post, I almost forgot the intention of me wanting to write this post. I guess that was the after effect of of listening to the music while I was writing the post. Sometimes, we tend to, actually, all the time, we tend to listen to wild songs when we are wanting to be adventurous, guys like me listen to hard rock music or real heavy metal or super fast dance track numbers from apun ka Bollywood. Now that is exactly the reason I have specific playlists on my ipod. At the start of the day, I listen to fast music, trying to set a pace for the day and as I get back to home, I listen to soothing songs, trying to calm my mechanic mind.
It is just amazing how our mind finds the song to suit our mood. I wish there was a picture on how mind finds the song, I am sure it is that gland that's present in the skull. Few hours back, I was going through some thoughts that kind of made me emotionally unstable, yepp, I was emotionally unstable and all of a sudden, I remembered the song and searched for it in my ipod. Could not find it and I began growing restless. I knew it was there on it. I wondered how come I could not find it. Just to cross check, I checked my mobile and see if it was there on the memory card and to be elated joy, I found it. Five minutes later, I was all relaxed. Now I wish I could say what the song was, but if I did, then there would be no joy.
Not really sure how others are but somehow, I have gotten used to music to calm the storm within me under certain circumstances.
Aah music, you are one of the very vital parts of my existence.
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Moments of love
I was standing there. Wind was blowing with a gushing sound in my ears, accompanied by the soothing sound of the waves hitting the shore. It was dark, very dark. All I could see was the moon, the distant moon. I fold my arms, stand firm, trying to hold my ground, and fighting a battle of unspoken kind with the wind. I look into the ocean. There was something in it. The darkness of the ocean at night, with the waves hitting the shore. I continue looking into the ocean. Thoughts come crashing on me. Several of them. I look at the moon. Full moon. It reminded me of something. That thought dug many more, and as I continue to think, a drop rolled out of my eye. Controlling a tempest within, staying calm on the outer surface, heart began pounding. And I continued living in my thoughts.
In that darkness of the ocean, the sky, and few glittering stars and a moon, many flashes occur. Instant flashes. All that has happened in my life that has changed th course of my life, several turning points. As I begin to think about them, I begin to feel lonely. Standing alone in the dark night was never scary but that night, I was lonely.
I remember the moment when I was going to office. I was sitting in the front seat of the office cab, and watched a couple going in front of our vehicle. They were on a two wheeler, I guess they were married. She was sitting at the back, and held on to the arm of her husband. She had an arm to hold onto. He had someone to protect. There was an unspoken but yet a visible bond between both of them. I smiled at them as my cab went pass them, an acknowledgment to a bond that they had and I was yet to have. As I continue to think about that moment, all of a sudden, I think of another thing. A friend of mine loved a girl a lot, and he was upset that she never loved him back the same way as he did. I remembered telling him
"You have to let her be. Even if it hurts. Because, true love hurts. If you love her, you gotta support her no matter what because the strength in your love must overcome your pain. Just like that story of a boy and the caterpillar he raised. When the caterpillar turned into a butterfly and yearned for the world outside, the boy had to let it go despite the pain. Because he knows that if the butterfly truly loves him back, it will surely come back. Love is about forgetting oneself and thinking of that special someone. Wait for her if you still love her. If she does not... then let it be and let time heal the wounds... but always know that forgiveness is the key to healing the scars., "
All of a sudden, if not similar situation, I find myself in that place, where all that I can do is wait. It is great a thing, for it lets me to connect with myself. A year back, I used to smoke a pack of 20 cigarettes in a day and have alcohol every weekend. A year back I was an addict to junk food and was not serious about life. But now, a year later, I have successfully quit smoking, haven't had alcohol for over 6 months and have become serious about my health. This I did, only for her. Some people ridicule me saying how can you do all this, I said, she never asked me to. I did it willingly. It is my way of expressing how important she is to me and what I am willing to do to keep her happy.
It is this thought that reminds me of talking to a friend of mine and telling him how I feel.. To him, I said, " I begin my day looking at her, and wishing and praying that her day goes well and end my day hoping that her had had gone well and she sleeps without a problem. Every time I look at her, I live a lifetime of happiness. Every time I wish and pray for her, I live a lifetime of content. Every time I hope for her, I live a lifetime of smile on my face. I love her just by looking at her. I love her just by looking at her."
Random thoughts continue to pop up, frozen moments begin to melt. Tempests begin within and yet, I remain standing there, looking at the ocean, It is at this time that I remember what I once read, which I felt is the right thing to say..
Because of you
my world is now whole,
Because of you
love lives in my soul.
Because of you
I have laughter in my eyes,
Because of you
I am no longer afraid of good-byes.
You are my pillar
my stone of strength,
With me through all seasons
and great times of length.
My love for you is pure
boundless through space and time,
it grows stronger everyday
with the knowledge that you'll always be mine.
At the altar
I will joyously say 'I do',
for I have it all now
and it's all because of you."
In that darkness of the ocean, the sky, and few glittering stars and a moon, many flashes occur. Instant flashes. All that has happened in my life that has changed th course of my life, several turning points. As I begin to think about them, I begin to feel lonely. Standing alone in the dark night was never scary but that night, I was lonely.
I remember the moment when I was going to office. I was sitting in the front seat of the office cab, and watched a couple going in front of our vehicle. They were on a two wheeler, I guess they were married. She was sitting at the back, and held on to the arm of her husband. She had an arm to hold onto. He had someone to protect. There was an unspoken but yet a visible bond between both of them. I smiled at them as my cab went pass them, an acknowledgment to a bond that they had and I was yet to have. As I continue to think about that moment, all of a sudden, I think of another thing. A friend of mine loved a girl a lot, and he was upset that she never loved him back the same way as he did. I remembered telling him
"You have to let her be. Even if it hurts. Because, true love hurts. If you love her, you gotta support her no matter what because the strength in your love must overcome your pain. Just like that story of a boy and the caterpillar he raised. When the caterpillar turned into a butterfly and yearned for the world outside, the boy had to let it go despite the pain. Because he knows that if the butterfly truly loves him back, it will surely come back. Love is about forgetting oneself and thinking of that special someone. Wait for her if you still love her. If she does not... then let it be and let time heal the wounds... but always know that forgiveness is the key to healing the scars., "
All of a sudden, if not similar situation, I find myself in that place, where all that I can do is wait. It is great a thing, for it lets me to connect with myself. A year back, I used to smoke a pack of 20 cigarettes in a day and have alcohol every weekend. A year back I was an addict to junk food and was not serious about life. But now, a year later, I have successfully quit smoking, haven't had alcohol for over 6 months and have become serious about my health. This I did, only for her. Some people ridicule me saying how can you do all this, I said, she never asked me to. I did it willingly. It is my way of expressing how important she is to me and what I am willing to do to keep her happy.
It is this thought that reminds me of talking to a friend of mine and telling him how I feel.. To him, I said, " I begin my day looking at her, and wishing and praying that her day goes well and end my day hoping that her had had gone well and she sleeps without a problem. Every time I look at her, I live a lifetime of happiness. Every time I wish and pray for her, I live a lifetime of content. Every time I hope for her, I live a lifetime of smile on my face. I love her just by looking at her. I love her just by looking at her."
Random thoughts continue to pop up, frozen moments begin to melt. Tempests begin within and yet, I remain standing there, looking at the ocean, It is at this time that I remember what I once read, which I felt is the right thing to say..
Because of you
my world is now whole,
Because of you
love lives in my soul.
Because of you
I have laughter in my eyes,
Because of you
I am no longer afraid of good-byes.
You are my pillar
my stone of strength,
With me through all seasons
and great times of length.
My love for you is pure
boundless through space and time,
it grows stronger everyday
with the knowledge that you'll always be mine.
At the altar
I will joyously say 'I do',
for I have it all now
and it's all because of you."
Monday, 12 April 2010
The 100th post
For a real long time, I have been wondering as to what is it that I should write about to make my one hundredth post as a really memorable one. People often say that everything looks fuzzy when one is in love, but I will definitely differ on that one. Everything is clearer when you are in love. So much so that even dreams that you have dreamed several months back would still be clearer to the most tiniest aspect in it. As a result, I now will write on one such dream, a dream that now has become a kind of ritual, for I continue to dream the same dream more often than usual.
Beautiful white sand and cool turquoise bluish green water, on the shore, on the boundaries of the shore were the lovely trees. Set amidst this were several seats. As my eyes begin grazing all over the place, I see people coming in. I blink again and I now see too many of them. I wonder where I am. I realize, I was at a wedding on a beach. I look at the people closely only to realize that they were all the people I know. I wonder what is happening. As I look to the groom, I see myself standing there. I am surprised. Just plainly and bluntly surprised. I look at myself, wondering if I would look back at myself in return. I blink again and this time, I am now standing there.
I see there, standing and waiting for you. In my crisp suit, with my tie well tied around my neck. I see cough-lings well placed and a good watch. But most importantly, I see myself. Happiness and joy is literally oozing out of my body and love is overflowing in my eyes. I smile endlessly. I look to my left, and to my right, and all those who have been there and have been wishing well for us, are in their respective places.
Just as I see them, I hear your arrival. With eagerness, I look up to the door. I wait. I wait to see you walk towards me. I am waiting eagerly, patience now growing out, heart beating faster than ever. My hand begins to itch for it wants to hold yours. In those few moments, I suddenly dream of you standing next to me and taking the vows, accepting me as yours. Those very moments. Aah the bliss.
While I exit from those instant minute dreams, I see you coming. Radiant, poised, joyful, happy. In your white dress, as white as the morning snow and as pure as the milk, I see the happiness on you and love in your eyes. I see you walking towards me. An event of my life that I have waited for a real long time. I see you, so close and yet so far and with each step towards me, you come so nearer and nearer. As you came closer, I began looking at your bridal wear. I had always heard that the rhinestones on a wedding dress makes it look heavenly and gives the angel feel. I could not agree more to it when I saw you walking with the same. The dress looked extremely beautiful with the fabric and the embroidery stunningly unfathomable. The bodice covered with the rhinestone embroidery and also the gold just added to the visual extravaganza. The tiara on you was just made for you.
The more closer you come to me, the more clearer you become. The more closer you come to me, the more brightness you begin to shower upon me. The more closer you come to me, the more happier I am getting to be. The more closer you come to me, I began counting the little steps you took towards me. My heart began pounding, faster and faster. Surprisingly, when she stood next to me, the pounding heart slowly began calming down. In an instant, it now began pounding in rejoice. I looked at her, straight into her eyes. Her smile just made me smile, and I said to her "Between us, we will always share and have a love that is more than love." We both continued to share that glance with a joyful smile.
As I blinked, I woke up, with a smile on my face, and your smile glittering in my eyes. For now, I have lost the count as to how many times I have seen this, but each time, it starts the same way and I wake up the same manner.
Beautiful white sand and cool turquoise bluish green water, on the shore, on the boundaries of the shore were the lovely trees. Set amidst this were several seats. As my eyes begin grazing all over the place, I see people coming in. I blink again and I now see too many of them. I wonder where I am. I realize, I was at a wedding on a beach. I look at the people closely only to realize that they were all the people I know. I wonder what is happening. As I look to the groom, I see myself standing there. I am surprised. Just plainly and bluntly surprised. I look at myself, wondering if I would look back at myself in return. I blink again and this time, I am now standing there.
I see there, standing and waiting for you. In my crisp suit, with my tie well tied around my neck. I see cough-lings well placed and a good watch. But most importantly, I see myself. Happiness and joy is literally oozing out of my body and love is overflowing in my eyes. I smile endlessly. I look to my left, and to my right, and all those who have been there and have been wishing well for us, are in their respective places.
Just as I see them, I hear your arrival. With eagerness, I look up to the door. I wait. I wait to see you walk towards me. I am waiting eagerly, patience now growing out, heart beating faster than ever. My hand begins to itch for it wants to hold yours. In those few moments, I suddenly dream of you standing next to me and taking the vows, accepting me as yours. Those very moments. Aah the bliss.
While I exit from those instant minute dreams, I see you coming. Radiant, poised, joyful, happy. In your white dress, as white as the morning snow and as pure as the milk, I see the happiness on you and love in your eyes. I see you walking towards me. An event of my life that I have waited for a real long time. I see you, so close and yet so far and with each step towards me, you come so nearer and nearer. As you came closer, I began looking at your bridal wear. I had always heard that the rhinestones on a wedding dress makes it look heavenly and gives the angel feel. I could not agree more to it when I saw you walking with the same. The dress looked extremely beautiful with the fabric and the embroidery stunningly unfathomable. The bodice covered with the rhinestone embroidery and also the gold just added to the visual extravaganza. The tiara on you was just made for you.
The more closer you come to me, the more clearer you become. The more closer you come to me, the more brightness you begin to shower upon me. The more closer you come to me, the more happier I am getting to be. The more closer you come to me, I began counting the little steps you took towards me. My heart began pounding, faster and faster. Surprisingly, when she stood next to me, the pounding heart slowly began calming down. In an instant, it now began pounding in rejoice. I looked at her, straight into her eyes. Her smile just made me smile, and I said to her "Between us, we will always share and have a love that is more than love." We both continued to share that glance with a joyful smile.
As I blinked, I woke up, with a smile on my face, and your smile glittering in my eyes. For now, I have lost the count as to how many times I have seen this, but each time, it starts the same way and I wake up the same manner.
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