Dealing with incompetent immature people has motivated me!

Yes, I mean by what I have written as the title of this post. To many this might come as a shock, and trust me, I am not surprised.

So here I am, sitting at my yet another new desk at work. Oh by the way, I do not have a dedicated seat at work. I guess that is a result of improper planning, but anyways, it has only turned out to be good. If I dont like the conversations of people sitting around me, I dont have to worry. I just get up and go to another place. You see, not all changes are bad, some are good too.

Speaking of which, I am not a big fan of venting out my frustration of my work life on net, not because I am scared of someone prying into my blog to lick someone's ass, hell with that, I dont really care about that. But because this blog I write, I write it to motivate myself when I am down. So may be, in future, when I am down, I will read this and I will tell myself that I can handle things much better than how I did it in the past. So this in a way is my lessons learnt session which teach me to move on.

Everywhere these days, work life is diversified, all the types of work are being globalized. Oh by the way, by globalization, I mean outsourced to asian countries. Apparently thats the essence of the word globalization. When such is the confusion, it is very evident to come across people who are even more confused, which by the way, I deal with every single day. Be it my fellow colleagues in my cab who do not care about time or be it my colleagues who prefer being a kid though they get certain pay cheques. Irony of life at work.

Having said that, I stare at the screen of my laptop wondering what I must do. And at every such instance, I get to take a decision amidst a dilemma between two kind of choices. Once taken, I dont worry about what would have happened if I had taken the other choice. When all those imcompetent people make untolerable noise, or when people at work talk their fucking regional languages, or for that matter when subordinates dry lick the ass of their respective bosses, I could possibly shout at them or go ahead and tell them that I am ashamed of their existence, I always think again. These incompetent people make me feel that I am much better a person. Never have I cheated anyone, nor have I dry licked someone to climb up the ladder. I am what I am because of how I have chosen to be what I am.

The immaturity among people around me motivates me that I can handle things in a much better way. But let me tell you, it does not make me proud nor does it make me arrogant. I mean come on, when you are at work, how can you possibly behave as if you were in the bathroom of your house? Dejected with immaturity and unprofessionalism, I see a light in me that fills me with confidence that I am and will continue to be different. In short, like I said in the title, dealing with incompetent and immature people has always motivated me.

My feelings.. something that I can relate to..

I have feelings of love for the girl I see.
Does she love me too, what does she think of me?

I wish I could tell her she makes me whole, but I'm afraid to say
what's deep in my soul.

I don't want to lose her, for I would be alone,
and some days I just can't wait to hear her voice on the phone.

She does certain things to make me feel loved,
some days she wants to be alone and my heart is shoved.

I want to feel as though I am her safeguard,
the one she can come to when things get hard.

I will always be there to help her along,
and before we met I wasn't as strong.

I wish I could tell her what I feel inside,
but I'm afraid of what she'll say, how she'll act on the outside.

Sasha

I was very tired that night. It was a hectic week at work. Very challenging tasks were completed. There was a sense of achievement and at the same time fatigue was taking control of me. I really needed rest and some refreshment. With too many thoughts crowding my mind, I decided it was in the best interest I go to sleep.

With laziness in every part of my huge body, I somehow managed to drag myself into the room to cleanse myself up. The shower was such a pleasure, I almost came back to my normal self. At times, the body just gives up as it needs complete rest and this was one of those times. Eyes as dark as that of a beast, face as pale as that of a skinny patient suffering to live but anticipating death anytime, voice shaken up as if a wind pipe was just taken out from my throat, I crash on my bed. This is when it all began.

As I enter the realm of my thoughts, the world I had constructed for myself, my run for safety, the place that gave me all my pleasures, filled me with happiness and where all my wishes came true, I began thinking of the one whom I loved and continue to love unconditionally. I suddenly saw a lovely garden with lawn spread for quite a distance. I saw green plants, none artificial whatsoever. As breeze struck my face, I felt and told myself "This is the place to be." My eyes were closed, experiencing the exhilarating atmosphere and lovely energy that was surrounding me. I see a little girl, in her very light blue coloured t shirt and a denim jean. She was around 3 years old. Her face was so calming that my heart began throbbing. Who was this little angel? I turned around to see if someone was around, and there I was, standing in the garden of a lovely house. A house that I always dreamed about.

I continue looking at the house, and I realize the hard hitting truth. It was my house. And the little girl, oh dear, she was my daughter. With a tinge of shock, I turn around to look at her. Not sure how, why and what, but I called her "Sasha.."

I could not believe it. I have a daughter. Her name is Sasha. I have a huge house with a garden I have gardened. A lawn that I am not sure who many times I used the lawn machine on. A walkway that was like a path amidst clouds. I realize another important thing. A ring on my right hand ring finger. Oh God. I am married. I take the mobile out of my Jean pocket and see the wallpaper. I see her with Sasha. Could something be better than this dream? I definitely do not think so. I again look at the wallpaper on my mobile. Holding it in my right palm,I use my thumb to clean the screen as I continue to look at the picture. I smile. A sense of being with the one with whom I have always wanted to be. Added, I now have a lovely daughter too.

"Dada, I like playing here" and she laughed. Seeing the joy and happiness in Sasha, I smiled with happiness too.

As she was running on the lawn, she slipped and fell.. She was rubbing her elbow. I said, "Be careful my little girl while you play on the ground.."

All that she did was just look at me, with a little bit of upset in her face, she continued to rub the elbow.As much as I wanted to go and help her out, I knew that this is just one of those many problems she will come across in future and stood by her to see what she would do. She smiled and continued playing.

After a while of running around, playing with her favourite barbie doll, she came to me. She asked,

"Dada, where is Mumma?"

"She has gone out to get some chocolates for my little princess.." I smiled and started tickling her. She laughed. Her laughter filled me with unconditional joy.

"Dada stop it. please stop it.." with continuous giggles was her reply. She kissed me on my cheek and went back to the lawn and continued to play.

I saw Sasha engrossed in her play, which she loved to do. As I continued to see her play, I felt someone was walking towards me. I saw her. The one. Only one actually. She came upto me, gave me a hug, something that was so special, filled with warmth, something that I always yearned for. I smiled again.

Little did I know that I was still smiling and I woke up from the one of the best dreams I ever had. Probably I might never read this one out to my daughter for I know I will not marry, but God forbid my intentions and If I end up having a lovely daughter, I will make it a point to read this one to her when she grows up. This one is not just for her, but this one is also for the lovely lady who brought her to life in my dream.

"I remember a time not that far in the past,
A time one would only wish to last.
A time filled with laughter,love and peace,
when things all moved in a harmonious pace.

From cheek to cheek the sun did rise,
Sneaking around like mischievous mice.
The dew of joy that came from the sun,
As fathers call abode their sons.

In rows and columns they sit to hear,
On floors, yards or grounds with no fear.
The sweet smell of nature's flowers,
Lil mice know it's almost that hour.

Times like these I wish I were back,
But my troubles all do stack.
Like lights years I wish I would but beam,
To solace, a hermit with no dreams.

But I know that my day will come,
When my life will be free from this eucalyptus gum.
Back to the days of childhood innocence,
When all will be pure and innocent.

So here I am, looking at my daughter
A girl who appeared more prudent than her laughter
With dreams of building a secure future for Sasha in my mind,
I enjoyed the journey of a Father, for its the best journey of its kind.

With face as shining as the early sun ray,
and laughter as cute as that of a lovely toy.
In her eyes I saw pure happiness,
For in her eyes love glittered and showed the joy.

I called her "Sasha" and she replied "what dada?"
"Be careful my little girl while you play on the ground",
with no words and only an expression was her reply
All that she wanted to do was just play, play and play.

As I saw her play, I stepped into a dream world
A world where all I could think of was many more dreams that began to unfold,
For her very sight filled me with a passion,
To make her life as great as a story of a princess that never was told.

With those tiny fingers as fragile and soft as a crystal
skin that glow brighter than snow,
she pointed to the bowl of chocolates that her mumma had kept on the table,
so cute was she that life all of a sudden had become a lovely parable.

All these thoughts arise and fall,
for my world had become more than just small.
She brought a promise with her into our world, and she conveyed,
I am here for my mumma n dada, and they are important to me than all. "

I miss blogging

It has been over a month since I wrote a post on my beloved blog. Oh I miss it. Very much actually. Off late I have been busy writing a book. So far so good, the book is going well. As much as I am immersed in writing the book, so many emotions in me are going unheard, possibly due to a fact that I have not had the chance to vent them out.

Speaking of which, I thought, I better do it now. And that is the reason for me to blog again.

2009 so far has been a tremendous year. With first quarter coming to end in few more days, so many things have already happened, and so many things have been triggered for a real roller coaster of a year ahead. The road blocks that I see now, will surely turn out into a major hurdle in soon to come near future.

January 2009, was a month which was filled with happiness, joy, merry, achievement, plans, parties, meetings, laughter and almost anything that I could imagine loving. I had the best new year celebration, on the beach, with champagne. Now that was fun. I got myself a new Sony Playstation Portal aka PSP. Killzone Liberation is a game worth playing anytime, any number of times. So I finally broke the spell of not purchasing a gadget for over 2 years. very long time, I agree. Work life was good too. Things finally started falling in the right places and it was nice to see that happen. Although I must say, the work etiquettes dont really astonish me, for honesty and hard work is almost dead everywhere.

February 2009, the so called month of love, which everyone say, continued to make me wonder why it is called so. I always thought and I for one know that December is the month of Love. Definitely not February. But when it comes for Love, i am totally different. may be because of things that I have gone through and continue to go through that has made me this way, which I have absolutely no regrets at all. I still wonder why people express love only on valentine's day and worship that day as though miracles happen only on that one day. Losers. Just losers.

This feb 26, I turned 26. Twenty six years. I cannot believe I have grown this old and when I look back to realize what i had achieved, nothing really comes in my mind. Ofcourse, this is with regards to worldly pleasures and needs. But when it comes to my personal needs, the needs that make my soul rejoice, I have been lucky. I did not celebrate my birthday, was upset the whole day, felt like I was no one, and the first time I decided to celebrate my birthday since last 8 years, everything went against as I had planned and wished for, which is when I realized that celebrating birthday was not my portion.

On a closing note, writing the book has made me get back to those moments that I had alienated myself completely. Things can only get better from now and I see it happening already.

Mother..

No one could ever define the true meaning of mother for every definition falls short of the real meaning of Mother. Wikipedia says mother is a female parent of an offspring. But we all know that a mother is much more than that. The gestation period of various animals have various periods but for humans, it is of 9 months. The amount of time a baby is in a mother's womb, is what determines how intelligent the offspring turns out to be.

For me, a mother is a source of inspiration. A symbol of life and god for in mythology God could give life, but in reality, a mother gives life to a new born baby. She cares with all her mind body and soul and never once wishes ill for the offspring. She nurtures, teaches, inculcates values into a person. If it werent for the mother, there would be no socialized life for manners are learnt by the lessons a mother teaches.

Mother, sweet mother, what will we be, if it were not for the hard work and labour you went through during our infancy. In Hindus, there is a saying that if you get a chance to donate your blood to your Mother in times of need, you would be the most luckiest person on the earth for you would be able to clear of your gratitude, but I would feel that giving every organ for her life would still be insufficient.

GOD made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.

Note sure what I should name this post.

I wake up as early as I can and as one of the resolutions I made up for this year, I workout as there is so much of weight I need to get rid off. I read the newspaper, watch news for a while, listen to some songs, have a shower, get ready to go to work, travel to work, work, come from work, refresh myself, have dinner, and begin writing before I go unconscious.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up my day. I have been trying to understand when my schedule can be as hectic as I said ( I am sure most of us have the same kind of schedule), how do I get crowded with thoughts that I cannot control. In midst of people and friends, I am lonely. While I am alone, I am amidst thousands of thoughts.

To begin with, I cannot be egoistic person for ego is something that does not fit in my skill set. As a result, most of my friends tell me that I dont have an attitude. I mean, do I really need to have an attitude of what people expect of me or do I need to have an attitude that I am comfortable having? For long, I have been quite in not knowing what I should say, but I guess, I now know the answer. I dont want anyone else make decisions for me for I want to make my own luck.

People have a feeling of insecurity and they either do not want to lose or give up for what they are insecure of is what they probably love the most. I have the same as well. I have seen most of the people take random decisions or panic or destroy what they have earned in their life. I mean, come on.. Why would you want to destroy what you have struggled to achieve? Why panic just because some unforeseen situation came which caught you unprepared? i ask this question because I did the same and now I wonder if it is a human trait to be so. I thought a lot about this and I made up my mind. Come what may, if ever I stand in another situation of insecurity, I can either take it up and fight it and overcome it or I can divert my mind into something else. I choose the former of the options for I am comfortable talking about my weakness and learning to overcome it.

2009 begins..

I sit to write things down.. Things that happened, continue to happen. In last few days, many memories were made, to cherish for rest of my life. Many things were done, many places visited. It has been a great vacation so far, and there are hardly few things to complain about.

Koushik's visit to Bangalore did create new memories.. Indeed, it was a refreshing experience so far. Dumma was excited to see us in Chennai and we had a great time celebrating the New Year's eve on a beach. With champagne and lots of alcohol, my friends did have a great time. I must say, I did not miss alcohol at all. I am glad I have stopped having it for over a year now.

As I woke up to a terrifying dream, my first reaction was to call. But somehow, something in me, made me resent it. As I began to refresh myself, the dream kept haunting me. It kept my heart pounding and wanting to feel relaxed.

Like two faces of a coin, on one hand, I am very ambitious and caring and optimisitc and good hearted guy, but on the other, I am now quite an insecure person with too many thoughts and unwanted ocnclusions for the same concept.

In year 2009, I want to change everything in me. This is where I start this year.