It has been over a month since I wrote a post on my beloved blog. Oh I miss it. Very much actually. Off late I have been busy writing a book. So far so good, the book is going well. As much as I am immersed in writing the book, so many emotions in me are going unheard, possibly due to a fact that I have not had the chance to vent them out.
Speaking of which, I thought, I better do it now. And that is the reason for me to blog again.
2009 so far has been a tremendous year. With first quarter coming to end in few more days, so many things have already happened, and so many things have been triggered for a real roller coaster of a year ahead. The road blocks that I see now, will surely turn out into a major hurdle in soon to come near future.
January 2009, was a month which was filled with happiness, joy, merry, achievement, plans, parties, meetings, laughter and almost anything that I could imagine loving. I had the best new year celebration, on the beach, with champagne. Now that was fun. I got myself a new Sony Playstation Portal aka PSP. Killzone Liberation is a game worth playing anytime, any number of times. So I finally broke the spell of not purchasing a gadget for over 2 years. very long time, I agree. Work life was good too. Things finally started falling in the right places and it was nice to see that happen. Although I must say, the work etiquettes dont really astonish me, for honesty and hard work is almost dead everywhere.
February 2009, the so called month of love, which everyone say, continued to make me wonder why it is called so. I always thought and I for one know that December is the month of Love. Definitely not February. But when it comes for Love, i am totally different. may be because of things that I have gone through and continue to go through that has made me this way, which I have absolutely no regrets at all. I still wonder why people express love only on valentine's day and worship that day as though miracles happen only on that one day. Losers. Just losers.
This feb 26, I turned 26. Twenty six years. I cannot believe I have grown this old and when I look back to realize what i had achieved, nothing really comes in my mind. Ofcourse, this is with regards to worldly pleasures and needs. But when it comes to my personal needs, the needs that make my soul rejoice, I have been lucky. I did not celebrate my birthday, was upset the whole day, felt like I was no one, and the first time I decided to celebrate my birthday since last 8 years, everything went against as I had planned and wished for, which is when I realized that celebrating birthday was not my portion.
On a closing note, writing the book has made me get back to those moments that I had alienated myself completely. Things can only get better from now and I see it happening already.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
Mother..
No one could ever define the true meaning of mother for every definition falls short of the real meaning of Mother. Wikipedia says mother is a female parent of an offspring. But we all know that a mother is much more than that. The gestation period of various animals have various periods but for humans, it is of 9 months. The amount of time a baby is in a mother's womb, is what determines how intelligent the offspring turns out to be.
For me, a mother is a source of inspiration. A symbol of life and god for in mythology God could give life, but in reality, a mother gives life to a new born baby. She cares with all her mind body and soul and never once wishes ill for the offspring. She nurtures, teaches, inculcates values into a person. If it werent for the mother, there would be no socialized life for manners are learnt by the lessons a mother teaches.
Mother, sweet mother, what will we be, if it were not for the hard work and labour you went through during our infancy. In Hindus, there is a saying that if you get a chance to donate your blood to your Mother in times of need, you would be the most luckiest person on the earth for you would be able to clear of your gratitude, but I would feel that giving every organ for her life would still be insufficient.
GOD made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
For me, a mother is a source of inspiration. A symbol of life and god for in mythology God could give life, but in reality, a mother gives life to a new born baby. She cares with all her mind body and soul and never once wishes ill for the offspring. She nurtures, teaches, inculcates values into a person. If it werent for the mother, there would be no socialized life for manners are learnt by the lessons a mother teaches.
Mother, sweet mother, what will we be, if it were not for the hard work and labour you went through during our infancy. In Hindus, there is a saying that if you get a chance to donate your blood to your Mother in times of need, you would be the most luckiest person on the earth for you would be able to clear of your gratitude, but I would feel that giving every organ for her life would still be insufficient.
GOD made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
Monday, 19 January 2009
Note sure what I should name this post.
I wake up as early as I can and as one of the resolutions I made up for this year, I workout as there is so much of weight I need to get rid off. I read the newspaper, watch news for a while, listen to some songs, have a shower, get ready to go to work, travel to work, work, come from work, refresh myself, have dinner, and begin writing before I go unconscious.
Yeah, that pretty much sums up my day. I have been trying to understand when my schedule can be as hectic as I said ( I am sure most of us have the same kind of schedule), how do I get crowded with thoughts that I cannot control. In midst of people and friends, I am lonely. While I am alone, I am amidst thousands of thoughts.
To begin with, I cannot be egoistic person for ego is something that does not fit in my skill set. As a result, most of my friends tell me that I dont have an attitude. I mean, do I really need to have an attitude of what people expect of me or do I need to have an attitude that I am comfortable having? For long, I have been quite in not knowing what I should say, but I guess, I now know the answer. I dont want anyone else make decisions for me for I want to make my own luck.
People have a feeling of insecurity and they either do not want to lose or give up for what they are insecure of is what they probably love the most. I have the same as well. I have seen most of the people take random decisions or panic or destroy what they have earned in their life. I mean, come on.. Why would you want to destroy what you have struggled to achieve? Why panic just because some unforeseen situation came which caught you unprepared? i ask this question because I did the same and now I wonder if it is a human trait to be so. I thought a lot about this and I made up my mind. Come what may, if ever I stand in another situation of insecurity, I can either take it up and fight it and overcome it or I can divert my mind into something else. I choose the former of the options for I am comfortable talking about my weakness and learning to overcome it.
Yeah, that pretty much sums up my day. I have been trying to understand when my schedule can be as hectic as I said ( I am sure most of us have the same kind of schedule), how do I get crowded with thoughts that I cannot control. In midst of people and friends, I am lonely. While I am alone, I am amidst thousands of thoughts.
To begin with, I cannot be egoistic person for ego is something that does not fit in my skill set. As a result, most of my friends tell me that I dont have an attitude. I mean, do I really need to have an attitude of what people expect of me or do I need to have an attitude that I am comfortable having? For long, I have been quite in not knowing what I should say, but I guess, I now know the answer. I dont want anyone else make decisions for me for I want to make my own luck.
People have a feeling of insecurity and they either do not want to lose or give up for what they are insecure of is what they probably love the most. I have the same as well. I have seen most of the people take random decisions or panic or destroy what they have earned in their life. I mean, come on.. Why would you want to destroy what you have struggled to achieve? Why panic just because some unforeseen situation came which caught you unprepared? i ask this question because I did the same and now I wonder if it is a human trait to be so. I thought a lot about this and I made up my mind. Come what may, if ever I stand in another situation of insecurity, I can either take it up and fight it and overcome it or I can divert my mind into something else. I choose the former of the options for I am comfortable talking about my weakness and learning to overcome it.
Friday, 2 January 2009
2009 begins..
I sit to write things down.. Things that happened, continue to happen. In last few days, many memories were made, to cherish for rest of my life. Many things were done, many places visited. It has been a great vacation so far, and there are hardly few things to complain about.
Koushik's visit to Bangalore did create new memories.. Indeed, it was a refreshing experience so far. Dumma was excited to see us in Chennai and we had a great time celebrating the New Year's eve on a beach. With champagne and lots of alcohol, my friends did have a great time. I must say, I did not miss alcohol at all. I am glad I have stopped having it for over a year now.
As I woke up to a terrifying dream, my first reaction was to call. But somehow, something in me, made me resent it. As I began to refresh myself, the dream kept haunting me. It kept my heart pounding and wanting to feel relaxed.
Like two faces of a coin, on one hand, I am very ambitious and caring and optimisitc and good hearted guy, but on the other, I am now quite an insecure person with too many thoughts and unwanted ocnclusions for the same concept.
In year 2009, I want to change everything in me. This is where I start this year.
Koushik's visit to Bangalore did create new memories.. Indeed, it was a refreshing experience so far. Dumma was excited to see us in Chennai and we had a great time celebrating the New Year's eve on a beach. With champagne and lots of alcohol, my friends did have a great time. I must say, I did not miss alcohol at all. I am glad I have stopped having it for over a year now.
As I woke up to a terrifying dream, my first reaction was to call. But somehow, something in me, made me resent it. As I began to refresh myself, the dream kept haunting me. It kept my heart pounding and wanting to feel relaxed.
Like two faces of a coin, on one hand, I am very ambitious and caring and optimisitc and good hearted guy, but on the other, I am now quite an insecure person with too many thoughts and unwanted ocnclusions for the same concept.
In year 2009, I want to change everything in me. This is where I start this year.
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Year 2008, you were a fantastic year in my life.
It is said, quite often, and I must agree, is totally true. Only two things can motivate a person to achieve what he is set out to do. Love and Vengeance. Sometimes, not quite often, both of these play equal role in achieving something that is vital.
Today, sitting at my desk, I look back at the year so far and how it has treated me. I look at all those 11.5 months and possibly over 1.5 thousand things that this year has taught me. I must say, LEARNING has been the essence of this year. A lot learnt..
Though 2007 ended on a very low note, roguh pathces in personal life, year 2008 really took off to a flyer. The vacation of ten days at the year end made me a different person. I re-analyzed my position, stability, ability, skills and everything I had then. That analysis made me make out some important points:
Lets rewind 16 months to the day when I wrote my first post ever which I wrote with tears in my eyes. I do agree that I was still a child in handling emotions for I let them out very easily. I do agree that I could not and did not have any control on my emotions and feelings. I wept all night and kept shedding tears for next few months. Today, after 16 months, I have resented all those emotions, and now, as a result of resentment, am able to control my emotions, feelings and tears. On that fateful day, it was not just me who wet the cheeks, even she did, which is why, I will never forget that day ever. Over these 16 months, I managed to learn, it was important to value and respect emotions of others than sell my own. It was important to help others to come out of their pain, for they need someone to share the burden, just as I felt once upon a time. Here I am, helping all, making them forget their pain, helping them make a new beginning, to change their ending, suppressing all that I ever want to say. Though it is painful not to tell what I want to, there is a joy in it, which makes me proud that I dont waste someone's time spreading sadness.
This change was gradual and it took almost a year for me to get back to normal. I had to change everything in me. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I am a hardcore atheist, but I do value my soul. Soul. That is a nice word. I never really felt it before. Never experienced its presence. It is said, when you meet the person whom you love whole heartedly and sincerely and moreover honestly, your soul resonates. And if you are lucky, the other soul also resonates and love takes its birth mutually. In my case, it was the day I realized that I am in love, when I found out that I have a soul too. The only way I could fulfill its desires was to keep it happy and only way I could keep it happy was by keeping her happy. I had to change. Today, looking past at his year, I can again, proudly say, I have done it.
I have seen this. If a guy proposes a gal, an she refuses, it hardly takes few months for the guy to get over it. Reason is very simple. Humans' thirst and hunger is for love. They get pulled towards a field where love is given to them. May be, that is why, guys find it easy to get over a breakup or a rejection. But not all. I have learnt that Love is not about loving. It is not even about asking. Its all about giving. How much you can give without asking is what determines how much you actually love. By asking, I mean about expectations we keep. By giving, I mean, loving unconditionally.
It is said, if you love someone because of external appearance, love disappears when the external beauty fades. If you love someone because of their money and materialistic status, love vanishes when the riches turn into ash. If you love someone just because they fulfilled a certain condition of yours. love disappears and has no value when that condition exists no more. But, if you love just because you know it is love and do not associate it with anything else, that love never fades. It can never be quantified, never measured, never put a price to, never weighed, never compared. Such a love, just grows exponentially. and it can happen only when we stop expecting. I am glad I pursued love as love and not as business worrying about return of investment. I am glad I Loved, and am continuing to love.
Well that was my personal life. Professionally, this year could not have got better. What a year this was. Everything that I wanted to achieve, I achieved. Every goal I set out to reach, I reached. I became more responsible, more alert, more professional, earned respect of my colleagues, worked on over 47 projects, completed them all, developed new skills, mastered art of hard work with honesty. Rewards reaped were great. First sppreciation that I ever recieved at IBM was from my clients, which by far, has been the most enriching experience. In the process, I did lose the laughter and fun times I used to have with my colleagues, which now make no sense to me as they are all baseless fun. I now look at things in a much realistic way and logical way than the emotional one. Excellent year work wise and not a single complaint on how it went.
Credit cards. Real pain, in every part of the body. 3 years back when I started to work, I was easily mesmerized and carried awy with the glitter of the luxury credit cards offered. Parties, purchases, trips, booze, smokes, what not.. Did them all. Spent more than what I could afford paying back. 25% was for me and remaining 75% was for my friends. I never let them feel that they ever earned less than me. Just as glitter of the luxury began to fade, I fell flat on my face and fractured all my facial bones. Disfigured, hurt, broken, I stepped into year 2008. I had managed to close 2 of 6 cards before stepping onto 2008. This year, I closed 2 more. Though it has been 2 years since I stopped ising the credit cards, I stil have to close 2 more. I will close them because I want to keep my hard earned money for me and not for the banks. My suggestion, never get acredit card.
Sacrificed all my weekends, spent them at home, worked on my skill sets, developed my self. Keeping this in my kitty, I not step onto the next year. I will again work on my resolutions which is why I have taken off from 24 Dec 2008 to 05 Jan 2009. I will come back strongly to live up and complete the challenges I give myself.
Year 2008. You were a fantastic year in my life. Till my last breath, you will never be forgotten. You taught me so many things. Made me learn things I always refused to learn. You made me realize that I am a soldier in the battle of life, who is required to fight boldy till last ounce of strenght is left in me. All the happiness, sadness, joy, pain, sorrow, love, everything that you gave me, I will always be having gratitude for it. Year 2008, you were a fantastic year in my life.
Today, sitting at my desk, I look back at the year so far and how it has treated me. I look at all those 11.5 months and possibly over 1.5 thousand things that this year has taught me. I must say, LEARNING has been the essence of this year. A lot learnt..
Though 2007 ended on a very low note, roguh pathces in personal life, year 2008 really took off to a flyer. The vacation of ten days at the year end made me a different person. I re-analyzed my position, stability, ability, skills and everything I had then. That analysis made me make out some important points:
- Become emotionally independant
- Mature mentally
- Change thinking
- Love unceasingly and unconditionally
- Put more efforts both professionally and in personal life to better things
- Close all credit cards :o)
Lets rewind 16 months to the day when I wrote my first post ever which I wrote with tears in my eyes. I do agree that I was still a child in handling emotions for I let them out very easily. I do agree that I could not and did not have any control on my emotions and feelings. I wept all night and kept shedding tears for next few months. Today, after 16 months, I have resented all those emotions, and now, as a result of resentment, am able to control my emotions, feelings and tears. On that fateful day, it was not just me who wet the cheeks, even she did, which is why, I will never forget that day ever. Over these 16 months, I managed to learn, it was important to value and respect emotions of others than sell my own. It was important to help others to come out of their pain, for they need someone to share the burden, just as I felt once upon a time. Here I am, helping all, making them forget their pain, helping them make a new beginning, to change their ending, suppressing all that I ever want to say. Though it is painful not to tell what I want to, there is a joy in it, which makes me proud that I dont waste someone's time spreading sadness.
This change was gradual and it took almost a year for me to get back to normal. I had to change everything in me. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I am a hardcore atheist, but I do value my soul. Soul. That is a nice word. I never really felt it before. Never experienced its presence. It is said, when you meet the person whom you love whole heartedly and sincerely and moreover honestly, your soul resonates. And if you are lucky, the other soul also resonates and love takes its birth mutually. In my case, it was the day I realized that I am in love, when I found out that I have a soul too. The only way I could fulfill its desires was to keep it happy and only way I could keep it happy was by keeping her happy. I had to change. Today, looking past at his year, I can again, proudly say, I have done it.
I have seen this. If a guy proposes a gal, an she refuses, it hardly takes few months for the guy to get over it. Reason is very simple. Humans' thirst and hunger is for love. They get pulled towards a field where love is given to them. May be, that is why, guys find it easy to get over a breakup or a rejection. But not all. I have learnt that Love is not about loving. It is not even about asking. Its all about giving. How much you can give without asking is what determines how much you actually love. By asking, I mean about expectations we keep. By giving, I mean, loving unconditionally.
It is said, if you love someone because of external appearance, love disappears when the external beauty fades. If you love someone because of their money and materialistic status, love vanishes when the riches turn into ash. If you love someone just because they fulfilled a certain condition of yours. love disappears and has no value when that condition exists no more. But, if you love just because you know it is love and do not associate it with anything else, that love never fades. It can never be quantified, never measured, never put a price to, never weighed, never compared. Such a love, just grows exponentially. and it can happen only when we stop expecting. I am glad I pursued love as love and not as business worrying about return of investment. I am glad I Loved, and am continuing to love.
Well that was my personal life. Professionally, this year could not have got better. What a year this was. Everything that I wanted to achieve, I achieved. Every goal I set out to reach, I reached. I became more responsible, more alert, more professional, earned respect of my colleagues, worked on over 47 projects, completed them all, developed new skills, mastered art of hard work with honesty. Rewards reaped were great. First sppreciation that I ever recieved at IBM was from my clients, which by far, has been the most enriching experience. In the process, I did lose the laughter and fun times I used to have with my colleagues, which now make no sense to me as they are all baseless fun. I now look at things in a much realistic way and logical way than the emotional one. Excellent year work wise and not a single complaint on how it went.
Credit cards. Real pain, in every part of the body. 3 years back when I started to work, I was easily mesmerized and carried awy with the glitter of the luxury credit cards offered. Parties, purchases, trips, booze, smokes, what not.. Did them all. Spent more than what I could afford paying back. 25% was for me and remaining 75% was for my friends. I never let them feel that they ever earned less than me. Just as glitter of the luxury began to fade, I fell flat on my face and fractured all my facial bones. Disfigured, hurt, broken, I stepped into year 2008. I had managed to close 2 of 6 cards before stepping onto 2008. This year, I closed 2 more. Though it has been 2 years since I stopped ising the credit cards, I stil have to close 2 more. I will close them because I want to keep my hard earned money for me and not for the banks. My suggestion, never get acredit card.
Sacrificed all my weekends, spent them at home, worked on my skill sets, developed my self. Keeping this in my kitty, I not step onto the next year. I will again work on my resolutions which is why I have taken off from 24 Dec 2008 to 05 Jan 2009. I will come back strongly to live up and complete the challenges I give myself.
Year 2008. You were a fantastic year in my life. Till my last breath, you will never be forgotten. You taught me so many things. Made me learn things I always refused to learn. You made me realize that I am a soldier in the battle of life, who is required to fight boldy till last ounce of strenght is left in me. All the happiness, sadness, joy, pain, sorrow, love, everything that you gave me, I will always be having gratitude for it. Year 2008, you were a fantastic year in my life.
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Mundhinam parthen lyrics : Vaaranam aayiram
Mun dhinam paarthaenae , Paarthathum thotraenae
Saladai kannaga Nenjamum punnaanathae….
Ithanai Naalaga unnai Naan paaramal
Enguthaan ponenu, Naatkalum veenanathae
Vaanathil nee vennilaa Ekkathil Naan theivathaa
Ippothae Ennodu vanthaal enna
Oor Paarka Ondraaga sendraal enna
Ippothae Ennodu vanthaal enna
Oor Paarka Ondraaga sendraal enna
Mun dhinam paarthaenae , Paarthathum thotraenae
Saladai kannaga Nenjamum punnaanathae
Ithanai Naalaga unnai Naan paaramal
Enguthaan ponenu, Naatkalum veenanathae….
Kaathalaee…….
Swasamae……
Thula thotil unnai vaithu, nigar seiya ponnai vaithaal
Thula Baaram thorkaatho PerAzhagae
Mugam paarthu pesum unnai, Muthal Kaathal sindhum kannai
Adikkaamal poveno Aaruyirae
ohh…Nizhal pola vidamal unnai thodarvenadi
Pugazhal pola padaamal pattu Nagarvenadi
Vinaa nooru kaanavum Nooru Vidai solladai
Mun dhinam paarthaenae , Paarthathum thotraenae
Saladai kannaga Ullamum punnaanathae
Ithanai Naalaga unnai Naan paaramal
Enguthaan ponenu, Naatkalum veenanathae……
Kadal Neelam mungum neram, Alai vanthu theendum thooram
Manam sendru moozhgathoo Eerathilae
Thalai saaika thollum thanthai, viral korthu pakkam vanthai,
ithazh matum innum En thoorathilae
paghal neram kanaakal kandaen urangaamalaye,
uyirendum urraiya kanden Nerungaamale
unnai andri ennaku ethu Ethirkaalamae
Mun dhinam paarthaenae , Paarthathum thotraenae
Saladai kannaga Nenjamum punnaanathae
Ithanai Naalaga unnai Naan paaramal
Enguthaan ponenu, Naatkalum veenanathae
Vaanathil nee vennilaa Ekkathil Naan theivathaa
Ippothae ennodu vanthaal enna
Oor Paarka ondraaga sendraal enna
Ippothae ennodu vanthaal enna
Oor Paarka ondraaga sendraal enna
Vennilaaa….
Vennilaaa….
Vennilaaa….
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
What I feel about you.. How can I tell you..
When
every time I think of you my body shakes
every time I see you my knees grow weak and
every time I’m with you I don’t want the time to end.
When
every time I look into your eyes, I wish I was there
every time I see you smile my heart melts and
every night before I go to sleep I pray we don’t end.
I’ve tried somehow to say:
you’re the sun that lights up my sky
the wind that keeps me cool on a hot summer day
and sweet incense that keeps me on a natural high
I want so much to tell you
that without you with me each day my day isn’t complete
that since day one I’ve always wanted to be with you
that no matter what’s going on in my life
you’re the reason there’s a smile on my face
and that loving you seems to be all I need to know.
But every time I want to
the words just wont come out
to you it may sound mushy or too cute
you may not believe it so it’s better I keep my mouth closed
Then to try to tell you exactly whats on my mind
yet I wish to tell you that I’m beginning to
love you more with each passing of the day
and that I want to be with you
come whatever may.
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