Over a year ago, at Goa, more precisely, at a pond near Arambol beach, I almost drowned, trying to save a friend of mine from drowning. In those almost dying moments, when water seeped into my lungs, and pain began growing, something happened. I began going under. On one side, I saw light. The rays piercing water. This was at a distance, say 10 meters from me. I turned to my right. I saw darkness. Greenish black. In my feet, I felt the plants, plants that grew deep within the water. The moment was very creepy. So there I was, all out of energy, with lungs getting heavier, eyes beginning to feel fuzzy. I see towards the light rays on my left and look into the deep darkness on my right. It is said that in the dying moments, the truth emerges out of an individual, their deepest desires, wishes, dreams. How true. In those moments, of pain and feeling closer to death, of all that I knew, of all that I had ever seen, I saw her. Only her. Her prudent face. The one that shone in the darkness. The smile. The one that filled me with an energy. The look in the eyes. The one that filled me with courage to fight back my way to the shore.
Its been over a year. Here I am, writing this post. I fought back. I fought my way back from the clutches of death. The only thing that I had ringing in my mind all the while I fought my way back upwards, mustering all the courage and energy that I had left in me was a hope. One little hope, that I could spend time with her, that would fuel me for a life time. To this day, when I think of that moment, 31 December 2009, as much as goose bumps I get on my skin, my heart rejoices a victory, making me smile in rejoice.
That very moment of victory was the turning point of my life, a moment of transformation as an individual. It brought winds of change in my life. My life took a whole new direction after that. I decided never to be what I earlier was. I decided to renew myself, my identity, my personality, outer as well as my inner appearance. Everything that I did after that, every moment that I lived, and will live, was and is going to be a moment that I would live for that one thing and one thing, for I know that seeing her there, in those almost dying moments meant something.
So as it goes, Year 2010 was a year of Transformation, Restoration and Reconciliation. I believe that I have transformed into a better individual. Self belief, faith in God was restored and I reconciled with everything that I earlier tried going away from. Lot of struggles, lot of pain, lot of tears that were shed, lot of efforts that were put in, lot of loneliness, lot of depression and a lot many to add. All in all, despite of hitting rock bottom in life moments, 2010 actually has made me stronger. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and in every possible realm. Regardless of all these, as much as I wished these did not happen, somewhere within me, I am glad they did, for I have become stronger.
At this point in my life, I pray that the dark clouds hovering over me go away and I get to see the silver lining, that moment when light shines over darkness. I want to see the light of the day and I know I surely will. For over a decade, I have felt that 2011 is going to be the best year of my life and for all it takes, I am going to ensure it is. Sun that sets, has to rise again, darkness that comes has to go away at the first ray of light. So will it be in me as well.
So here I am, my dear, the one that I have so loved, wanting to say few things, though already said, still are unsaid.
Like someone said, Love is what you see on my face when I see you. Love is what shines in my eyes when I see you. Love is everything that happens in my life when you are present in it. Love is that immaculate energy, the light, that drives away every smallest fear out of my life. Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love. For me, it is you.
Knowing a person like you, has made me happy in a million ways and if ever I have to let you go, I would find a million reasons to make you stay. You may be out of my sight but not out of my heart. You may be out of my reach but not out of my mind. I don't know where my life is headed, but you'll always be special to me. Maybe one day in your life, you'll look back and say "This is where it all went wrong.." May be one day you will. And with every thing that I have, I will pray that you would never say that.
Everything that I have done, it has all been for you. Everything that I am doing, it is all for you.
Everything, is for you, for I have realized that when you really love someone, you give up everything, but you won't ever give up on love because that is never an option, never was never will.
For I know, that all that have been done until now, will not go without a result. All will weigh in true just in His justice. For I know that He knows what I have gone through and am going through and for I believe that he will do what is right for you and for me. Yes, he knows.
God Knows.
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