Today, sitting at my desk, I look back at the year so far and how it has treated me. I look at all those 11.5 months and possibly over 1.5 thousand things that this year has taught me. I must say, LEARNING has been the essence of this year. A lot learnt..
Though 2007 ended on a very low note, roguh pathces in personal life, year 2008 really took off to a flyer. The vacation of ten days at the year end made me a different person. I re-analyzed my position, stability, ability, skills and everything I had then. That analysis made me make out some important points:
- Become emotionally independant
- Mature mentally
- Change thinking
- Love unceasingly and unconditionally
- Put more efforts both professionally and in personal life to better things
- Close all credit cards :o)
Lets rewind 16 months to the day when I wrote my first post ever which I wrote with tears in my eyes. I do agree that I was still a child in handling emotions for I let them out very easily. I do agree that I could not and did not have any control on my emotions and feelings. I wept all night and kept shedding tears for next few months. Today, after 16 months, I have resented all those emotions, and now, as a result of resentment, am able to control my emotions, feelings and tears. On that fateful day, it was not just me who wet the cheeks, even she did, which is why, I will never forget that day ever. Over these 16 months, I managed to learn, it was important to value and respect emotions of others than sell my own. It was important to help others to come out of their pain, for they need someone to share the burden, just as I felt once upon a time. Here I am, helping all, making them forget their pain, helping them make a new beginning, to change their ending, suppressing all that I ever want to say. Though it is painful not to tell what I want to, there is a joy in it, which makes me proud that I dont waste someone's time spreading sadness.
This change was gradual and it took almost a year for me to get back to normal. I had to change everything in me. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I am a hardcore atheist, but I do value my soul. Soul. That is a nice word. I never really felt it before. Never experienced its presence. It is said, when you meet the person whom you love whole heartedly and sincerely and moreover honestly, your soul resonates. And if you are lucky, the other soul also resonates and love takes its birth mutually. In my case, it was the day I realized that I am in love, when I found out that I have a soul too. The only way I could fulfill its desires was to keep it happy and only way I could keep it happy was by keeping her happy. I had to change. Today, looking past at his year, I can again, proudly say, I have done it.
I have seen this. If a guy proposes a gal, an she refuses, it hardly takes few months for the guy to get over it. Reason is very simple. Humans' thirst and hunger is for love. They get pulled towards a field where love is given to them. May be, that is why, guys find it easy to get over a breakup or a rejection. But not all. I have learnt that Love is not about loving. It is not even about asking. Its all about giving. How much you can give without asking is what determines how much you actually love. By asking, I mean about expectations we keep. By giving, I mean, loving unconditionally.
It is said, if you love someone because of external appearance, love disappears when the external beauty fades. If you love someone because of their money and materialistic status, love vanishes when the riches turn into ash. If you love someone just because they fulfilled a certain condition of yours. love disappears and has no value when that condition exists no more. But, if you love just because you know it is love and do not associate it with anything else, that love never fades. It can never be quantified, never measured, never put a price to, never weighed, never compared. Such a love, just grows exponentially. and it can happen only when we stop expecting. I am glad I pursued love as love and not as business worrying about return of investment. I am glad I Loved, and am continuing to love.
Well that was my personal life. Professionally, this year could not have got better. What a year this was. Everything that I wanted to achieve, I achieved. Every goal I set out to reach, I reached. I became more responsible, more alert, more professional, earned respect of my colleagues, worked on over 47 projects, completed them all, developed new skills, mastered art of hard work with honesty. Rewards reaped were great. First sppreciation that I ever recieved at IBM was from my clients, which by far, has been the most enriching experience. In the process, I did lose the laughter and fun times I used to have with my colleagues, which now make no sense to me as they are all baseless fun. I now look at things in a much realistic way and logical way than the emotional one. Excellent year work wise and not a single complaint on how it went.
Credit cards. Real pain, in every part of the body. 3 years back when I started to work, I was easily mesmerized and carried awy with the glitter of the luxury credit cards offered. Parties, purchases, trips, booze, smokes, what not.. Did them all. Spent more than what I could afford paying back. 25% was for me and remaining 75% was for my friends. I never let them feel that they ever earned less than me. Just as glitter of the luxury began to fade, I fell flat on my face and fractured all my facial bones. Disfigured, hurt, broken, I stepped into year 2008. I had managed to close 2 of 6 cards before stepping onto 2008. This year, I closed 2 more. Though it has been 2 years since I stopped ising the credit cards, I stil have to close 2 more. I will close them because I want to keep my hard earned money for me and not for the banks. My suggestion, never get acredit card.
Sacrificed all my weekends, spent them at home, worked on my skill sets, developed my self. Keeping this in my kitty, I not step onto the next year. I will again work on my resolutions which is why I have taken off from 24 Dec 2008 to 05 Jan 2009. I will come back strongly to live up and complete the challenges I give myself.
Year 2008. You were a fantastic year in my life. Till my last breath, you will never be forgotten. You taught me so many things. Made me learn things I always refused to learn. You made me realize that I am a soldier in the battle of life, who is required to fight boldy till last ounce of strenght is left in me. All the happiness, sadness, joy, pain, sorrow, love, everything that you gave me, I will always be having gratitude for it. Year 2008, you were a fantastic year in my life.
