Lately, the letter 'W' has been quite prominent in my life. From wondering, to worrying to wishing and waiting, I am glad I have not stepped into the arena of weeping. Even if the circumstances were hard on me, I guess that is something I would not be able to do.
For every decision, the outcomes could be several. Most of the times, we are so worried about the results of events, rather say outcome of an event that we forget to focus on carrying out an event. We tend to be so much result oriented, we forget to focus on how to go about things. For instance, many working in corporates these days are so worried about promotions and pay hikes that they forget how they get it. They say that at the end of the day they have the hike. I ask, at what cost? Answer for that is something they are not dare enough to admit. It is during these instances that I understand that people are worried about outcomes more than anything.
It would be hypocrisy on my part if I would say that I have not been as such. I was. But not for long enough. Once I realized that the journey to the destination was more of prominence than the destination itself, my whole perception changed. I guess this happened in 2006. Too many events later occurred in 2007 and 2008, thus strengthening my perception. When I actually think about this, my recent posts have been about how my new found love has changed me as a person and to a large extent, it has made me a whole different person.
Let alone accepting the love in me that I perceived as a challenge, but also expressing it was a greater one. Now that those have been accomplished, what now lies ahead is a long period of wait. Over two months of waiting is done and have no clue how long would the waiting last. Somehow, as against the popular myth that waiting weakens a person, in my case, it actually has strengthened me. To know what life would be as a result of her absence in my life, has in-turn made me very strong. I now know how it feels, I now know what the pain is like, I now know how vulnerable I can get. Of it all, I now know how I need to be prepared.
The more the days pass by in silence, the more stronger as a person I am becoming, There are good days and then there are bad days. The ratio of them has been less to more respectively. However, I am glad that bad days do come along often, for they always manage to let me know how weak and vulnerable I can get, thereby making me focus on my weakness and work on it. In a way more than one, the more time I wait, the more I think. The more I think, the more areas I cover. The more areas I cover, the better prepared I can be. However, in the context of being prepared and trying to predict what might happen, almost always we end up not being prepared for the unpredictable. I guess, that is the precise reason why I have been in situations where I felt that I was not prepared at all.
Somehow, life is filled with such events, not one, not two, but all of them have been turning points in my life. If anyone said that a person would have just one turning point in a life, he/she needs a punch on his/her face. If there is something that I can tell with utmost certainty, it is the fact that life comprises of too many turning points, and all of them change the course of our life, to a whole new level. I never knew I would be a Project Lead, but here I am, with over two years of experience in it. I never knew I would love again, but here I am, with over seven months in it. I never knew that I could be so patient and so willing waiting, but here I am, waiting for her response.
Every word that goes unspoken, is what I manage to write in my posts. Every deed undone, is what I manage to express in my posts. There are several thousands of words to talk and say and mean, but somehow, that is just not happening now. If something does happen, I manage to express them here. May be, after all, this year has been the year of wanting, wondering, wishing, worrying.
Monday 7 December 2009
Monday 30 November 2009
Distance
Most of the times we underestimate the power of what distance can accomplish. We are blinded by the fear that distance usually narrows things down and often disrupts thinking. Somehow, the phrase out of sight out of mind does not hold good for me for I have realized the importance of distance.
Two ways open up whenever there is distance between two beings. Either they distance them so much that they never get back or they yearn for togetherness, so much so that when they meet up, they bond stronger than before. Few of my best friends are in other countries, but somehow, we became more close when they were far. I guess the greater the distance grew, we longed for the friendship and we tried to hold on to it. IN the event, we became nourishing the bond, which grew from strengths to strengths. In addition to that, with the advent of internet, no one is really that far, I guess, web 2.0 is indeed a boon.
While that was my friendship, something similar has happened with regards to love in my life. I guess, friendship and love play a very vital role in everyone's being. May be she and I are several thousands of miles apart, but somehow, she stays very near to me. Every time speak to her and realize that she is not alright, the urge to dissolve the distance grows exponentially. The more days that get spent without seeing her, the more deeper the need to meet. The more days spent without talking, the stronger the need. Most importantly, life is as though she is right here, no, I am not hallucinating, but the feeling never gets old.
With distance, in my case, life has just begun. Tonight, I really felt like being there, for tonight, I have begun worrying all the more.
Two ways open up whenever there is distance between two beings. Either they distance them so much that they never get back or they yearn for togetherness, so much so that when they meet up, they bond stronger than before. Few of my best friends are in other countries, but somehow, we became more close when they were far. I guess the greater the distance grew, we longed for the friendship and we tried to hold on to it. IN the event, we became nourishing the bond, which grew from strengths to strengths. In addition to that, with the advent of internet, no one is really that far, I guess, web 2.0 is indeed a boon.
While that was my friendship, something similar has happened with regards to love in my life. I guess, friendship and love play a very vital role in everyone's being. May be she and I are several thousands of miles apart, but somehow, she stays very near to me. Every time speak to her and realize that she is not alright, the urge to dissolve the distance grows exponentially. The more days that get spent without seeing her, the more deeper the need to meet. The more days spent without talking, the stronger the need. Most importantly, life is as though she is right here, no, I am not hallucinating, but the feeling never gets old.
With distance, in my case, life has just begun. Tonight, I really felt like being there, for tonight, I have begun worrying all the more.
Expressions
To some, what I write appears to be emotional
To some, what I write appears to be a take on reality.
To some, what I write comes across as sharing of my experiences
To some, what I write is like a warning of what might happen to them.
To some, what I write appears to be more of imaginary content.
However, the truth remains the same, irrespective of various interpretations. What I write is what I want to express, say or sometimes even do. Everything that I write is a way of me telling the things that are suppressed/resented within me. On more than one instance, I happen to resent what I want to say. More than that, I also happen to not do what I really want to.
From times of playing pranks on each other to casual conversations, from times of the most silly gossips to serious talks, if there is one thing that moved from strengths to strengths, it was the bond that was between us. For that matter, I guess this would be a common thing for anyone who is close to any other one. More so, we tend to call this as friendship, beyond any bonds. However, sometimes, the demarcation between friendship and love becomes fuzzy and in certain instances, the person does not realize of crossing over to the other side.
Sometimes all that you want to do when you wake up after a night's sleep is to see the one whom you love so much lying next to you. If that is not going to happen, to ensure that you see their lovely face, you make sure that either you have their lovely face captured in a picture, or in a frame or as a wallpaper in your phone. Sometimes you also tend to think about them every single moment when you get to think. Over a period of time, I have learned that when we tend to love someone increasingly with every single moment, you tend to successfully print their memories in the subconscious mind. Perhaps, this might be the reason as to why we associate the dreams we have, to them. Perhaps that is another form of an expression.
When one of my dreams was analyzed by an interpreter, she told me "Most do not remember conversations in dreams, definitely not the words spoken and if they do it's usually just a few. You are seeking direction and understanding. How you reach there will be a traditional way and will take longer than other ways. But it's the jouney and not the destination that is most important for you. Along the way you will discover life itself and wisdom if you pay attention and then you will find love. It may be an actual love like you see in the dream, but more than likely it is finding love in yourself of the purest kind and then other forms of love will be found around you and therefore leading to the beautiful girl." When I think of this, somehow, I almost all the time, manage to remember my dreams in detail. May be, that is just another form of expressing myself.
Just then, sometimes, there are instances where in, no matter what you do, you would just be unable to express. Lately, there have been many such instances. So many things that I wish to say go unsaid, not because of fear, but because I am not really sure if the time is apt. Last 8 months have been very different and in last 8 months, I have realized that Love is a feeling of totally bliss and happiness, and with time and patience it grows into a true blessing of beauty!,
To some, expressing anger is easy, for they are prone to do so.
To some, expressing hatred is easy for they love remembering their grudges.
To some, expressing honesty is easy for they love being honest.
To some, expressing sadness is easy for they cannot really see happiness in anything.
To some, expressing love is the most important thing, for expressing love is most challenging of all.
And yes, I love challenges.
To some, what I write appears to be a take on reality.
To some, what I write comes across as sharing of my experiences
To some, what I write is like a warning of what might happen to them.
To some, what I write appears to be more of imaginary content.
However, the truth remains the same, irrespective of various interpretations. What I write is what I want to express, say or sometimes even do. Everything that I write is a way of me telling the things that are suppressed/resented within me. On more than one instance, I happen to resent what I want to say. More than that, I also happen to not do what I really want to.
From times of playing pranks on each other to casual conversations, from times of the most silly gossips to serious talks, if there is one thing that moved from strengths to strengths, it was the bond that was between us. For that matter, I guess this would be a common thing for anyone who is close to any other one. More so, we tend to call this as friendship, beyond any bonds. However, sometimes, the demarcation between friendship and love becomes fuzzy and in certain instances, the person does not realize of crossing over to the other side.
Sometimes all that you want to do when you wake up after a night's sleep is to see the one whom you love so much lying next to you. If that is not going to happen, to ensure that you see their lovely face, you make sure that either you have their lovely face captured in a picture, or in a frame or as a wallpaper in your phone. Sometimes you also tend to think about them every single moment when you get to think. Over a period of time, I have learned that when we tend to love someone increasingly with every single moment, you tend to successfully print their memories in the subconscious mind. Perhaps, this might be the reason as to why we associate the dreams we have, to them. Perhaps that is another form of an expression.
When one of my dreams was analyzed by an interpreter, she told me "Most do not remember conversations in dreams, definitely not the words spoken and if they do it's usually just a few. You are seeking direction and understanding. How you reach there will be a traditional way and will take longer than other ways. But it's the jouney and not the destination that is most important for you. Along the way you will discover life itself and wisdom if you pay attention and then you will find love. It may be an actual love like you see in the dream, but more than likely it is finding love in yourself of the purest kind and then other forms of love will be found around you and therefore leading to the beautiful girl." When I think of this, somehow, I almost all the time, manage to remember my dreams in detail. May be, that is just another form of expressing myself.
Just then, sometimes, there are instances where in, no matter what you do, you would just be unable to express. Lately, there have been many such instances. So many things that I wish to say go unsaid, not because of fear, but because I am not really sure if the time is apt. Last 8 months have been very different and in last 8 months, I have realized that Love is a feeling of totally bliss and happiness, and with time and patience it grows into a true blessing of beauty!,
To some, expressing anger is easy, for they are prone to do so.
To some, expressing hatred is easy for they love remembering their grudges.
To some, expressing honesty is easy for they love being honest.
To some, expressing sadness is easy for they cannot really see happiness in anything.
To some, expressing love is the most important thing, for expressing love is most challenging of all.
And yes, I love challenges.
Monday 23 November 2009
When I saw Her - Part 3
Instead of looking at her and find out who she was, I saw the steps that lead upwards and saw people walking and I was the last one to get up. This time, I noticed that she had worn cotton trousers, a trendy but contemporary T shirt with those girly sneakers. I said, "Yes, its time to go up there."
Just as I began looking at her, I flashed. I saw Rocky and Sunaina, and they said, "We heard it the first time you said." I wonder why they said that.
We noticed that we had to climb around 400-500 steps to reach up there. We began climbing one by one. Just as I was thinking about the flashes, Sunaina popped a question to me.
"So Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Of all questions available to the mankind, this was the last I expected to be asked in a forest. I was short of words.
Rocky continued where Sunaina left and asked, "Yeah Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Without a second thought, I replied, "Let me figure out whats happening with me and I will think of getting married later."
Sunaina instantly asked, "Figure out what? Mithun dont you think that you have been single for a long time now? May be you should consider of settling down."
Rocky interrupted her, and I guess for the first time after they were married, he did a good thing. He said, "Baby, leave it upto him to decide. He should be comfortable. He is trying to figure out something, let him do that."
I said to myself, "Yes indeed. I am trying to figure out what these flashes are, who is that girl and off all, why am I seeing them now?"
I replied to them, "Look guys, I know what I am doing. Being single has its advantages. I am happy being single. I can live this way and no regrets whatsoever. For now, lets climb up there shall we?"
And I continued climbing the steps. This time, I was more passionate, as if something had charged me up. May be a thought of the the next flash showing me who she was. I was excited. More excited than Sunaina when she went through the great fall. Both of them were asking me to relax and climb slowly. but I ignored them.
As I approached the top, I heard various sounds. It was as though the place was inhabited by people. For a sudden moment I thought I was flashing again, I paused, Looked back, I saw both of them climbing. I knew I was not flashing. I continued walking.
I reached the top. What I saw there, struck me by surprise. Something that I did not expect in a place where we were. I stood and looked in awe. I saw a huge, I mean a real huge mansion on my left side. It was covered by huge trees. A huge gate. It was more like a palace than a mansion. It was on my left. I walked past it and was even surprised to see what stood in front of me. I saw a huge waterfall. This time, i was standing at the bottom of the waterfall. there were shops next to it. A bangle store, a fish market, some clothes, some jewelry. There were some small restaurants, some juice centers. There was a wine store too.
Just as I saw these things, I was in awe. I turned back to see if Sunaina and Rocky had come up. They had. They were shocked to see all these. I looked at them and noticed their jaws had dropped in surprise. I turned back to look at the shops and few people that were there. I flashed.
I was holding the camera and clicking the pictures of various people around me. Sometimes singles, sometimes couples, sometimes people in group. I was literally a camera man. Before every picture was taken, I would say something that would make them smile. Sometimes I said "Let me see how dirty your teeth were" and sometimes I said "Show them, show those worms in your mouth". They would instantly smile. Sometimes I said "You are looking so hot, let the picture melt" and sometimes I said "Trust me, you are really cool. I am freezing right now." One after the other, pictures were being taken. I realized I had the camera in my hand that was my own. But something was missing. She. I was unable to find her. My eyes began wandering amidst the crowd. I was just unable to find her. As my usual habit of capturing moments to cherish and remember people such that I would never forget, I went and posed few pictures with the shopkeepers. With almost all of them, I took pictures. Sometimes it was the guy who sold fruits, and sometimes it was the woman in the flower shop. I posed it with almost all of them. Moments are made to be cherished and there I was, capturing them forever. Just as I began looking at the pictures that were taken, I blinked and I saw the same shopkeepers looking at me and smiling at me. It was as if they knew me. Rocky and Sunaina was busy shopping. Women, they seem to shop everything they can see and and are ready and filled with energy the moment they see something shining. Ah the women.
I walked to Rocky and finally dared to ask the question, "Hey Rocky, have we come to this place before?"
With perplexed face, he replied, "Not even in my dreams. Dude, is everything alright with you? I have been noticing you. Ever since we began walking on the bridge till now, you have been acting weird."
I replied, "Nothing to be worried about. Its just that this place seems very familiar. I somehow am able to relate to this place. These shops, that mansion, the bridge, that wonderful waterfall we saw down there, the people here. Something is not adding up. I sense that I have been here, but I am pretty sure that I was not here."
Rocky replied,"Dude, I know you and I am pretty sure that this is another prank of yours to sound spooky. I am not cooperating with you on this one. Before Sunaina shouts at me, let me get to her."
I just looked at him and wondered what marriage had done to him. Ignoring his remarks and continuing with my activities, I decided to go meet some shopkeeper and talk to them.
I needed to drink water badly but before that I had to wash myself. I walked towards the tap near by, turned it on and began washing my face arms and legs. Finally, the mud that lay on me was gone. I was free from it. I felt energized. Truly, there is something in water. Perhaps, I guess, there is life in it.
With a feeling of being fresh, with too many thoughts meaning the same, with one thought, to figure out what this place was, I decided to meet some shop keepers. As I approached the shop with groceries to get myself a bottle of water, the shopkeeper walked out of the shop. He middle aged man, around 5 feet 6 inch tall, dark complexion. He wore blue jeans that was a local made, I guess. On it, he wore a white shirt, with sandals covering his foot. He had several bracelets in this right hand and left had had a watch that was of shining gold. I wonder if it was real gold. His face was lit with joy as if he was meeting his very dear friend or someone who had treated his specially.
He walked to me and said, “Mithun sir, you have come back so soon. Looks like you missed this place a lot.”
To be continued..
Just as I began looking at her, I flashed. I saw Rocky and Sunaina, and they said, "We heard it the first time you said." I wonder why they said that.
We noticed that we had to climb around 400-500 steps to reach up there. We began climbing one by one. Just as I was thinking about the flashes, Sunaina popped a question to me.
"So Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Of all questions available to the mankind, this was the last I expected to be asked in a forest. I was short of words.
Rocky continued where Sunaina left and asked, "Yeah Mithun, when are you planning on getting married?"
Without a second thought, I replied, "Let me figure out whats happening with me and I will think of getting married later."
Sunaina instantly asked, "Figure out what? Mithun dont you think that you have been single for a long time now? May be you should consider of settling down."
Rocky interrupted her, and I guess for the first time after they were married, he did a good thing. He said, "Baby, leave it upto him to decide. He should be comfortable. He is trying to figure out something, let him do that."
I said to myself, "Yes indeed. I am trying to figure out what these flashes are, who is that girl and off all, why am I seeing them now?"
I replied to them, "Look guys, I know what I am doing. Being single has its advantages. I am happy being single. I can live this way and no regrets whatsoever. For now, lets climb up there shall we?"
And I continued climbing the steps. This time, I was more passionate, as if something had charged me up. May be a thought of the the next flash showing me who she was. I was excited. More excited than Sunaina when she went through the great fall. Both of them were asking me to relax and climb slowly. but I ignored them.
As I approached the top, I heard various sounds. It was as though the place was inhabited by people. For a sudden moment I thought I was flashing again, I paused, Looked back, I saw both of them climbing. I knew I was not flashing. I continued walking.
I reached the top. What I saw there, struck me by surprise. Something that I did not expect in a place where we were. I stood and looked in awe. I saw a huge, I mean a real huge mansion on my left side. It was covered by huge trees. A huge gate. It was more like a palace than a mansion. It was on my left. I walked past it and was even surprised to see what stood in front of me. I saw a huge waterfall. This time, i was standing at the bottom of the waterfall. there were shops next to it. A bangle store, a fish market, some clothes, some jewelry. There were some small restaurants, some juice centers. There was a wine store too.
Just as I saw these things, I was in awe. I turned back to see if Sunaina and Rocky had come up. They had. They were shocked to see all these. I looked at them and noticed their jaws had dropped in surprise. I turned back to look at the shops and few people that were there. I flashed.
I was holding the camera and clicking the pictures of various people around me. Sometimes singles, sometimes couples, sometimes people in group. I was literally a camera man. Before every picture was taken, I would say something that would make them smile. Sometimes I said "Let me see how dirty your teeth were" and sometimes I said "Show them, show those worms in your mouth". They would instantly smile. Sometimes I said "You are looking so hot, let the picture melt" and sometimes I said "Trust me, you are really cool. I am freezing right now." One after the other, pictures were being taken. I realized I had the camera in my hand that was my own. But something was missing. She. I was unable to find her. My eyes began wandering amidst the crowd. I was just unable to find her. As my usual habit of capturing moments to cherish and remember people such that I would never forget, I went and posed few pictures with the shopkeepers. With almost all of them, I took pictures. Sometimes it was the guy who sold fruits, and sometimes it was the woman in the flower shop. I posed it with almost all of them. Moments are made to be cherished and there I was, capturing them forever. Just as I began looking at the pictures that were taken, I blinked and I saw the same shopkeepers looking at me and smiling at me. It was as if they knew me. Rocky and Sunaina was busy shopping. Women, they seem to shop everything they can see and and are ready and filled with energy the moment they see something shining. Ah the women.
I walked to Rocky and finally dared to ask the question, "Hey Rocky, have we come to this place before?"
With perplexed face, he replied, "Not even in my dreams. Dude, is everything alright with you? I have been noticing you. Ever since we began walking on the bridge till now, you have been acting weird."
I replied, "Nothing to be worried about. Its just that this place seems very familiar. I somehow am able to relate to this place. These shops, that mansion, the bridge, that wonderful waterfall we saw down there, the people here. Something is not adding up. I sense that I have been here, but I am pretty sure that I was not here."
Rocky replied,"Dude, I know you and I am pretty sure that this is another prank of yours to sound spooky. I am not cooperating with you on this one. Before Sunaina shouts at me, let me get to her."
I just looked at him and wondered what marriage had done to him. Ignoring his remarks and continuing with my activities, I decided to go meet some shopkeeper and talk to them.
I needed to drink water badly but before that I had to wash myself. I walked towards the tap near by, turned it on and began washing my face arms and legs. Finally, the mud that lay on me was gone. I was free from it. I felt energized. Truly, there is something in water. Perhaps, I guess, there is life in it.
With a feeling of being fresh, with too many thoughts meaning the same, with one thought, to figure out what this place was, I decided to meet some shop keepers. As I approached the shop with groceries to get myself a bottle of water, the shopkeeper walked out of the shop. He middle aged man, around 5 feet 6 inch tall, dark complexion. He wore blue jeans that was a local made, I guess. On it, he wore a white shirt, with sandals covering his foot. He had several bracelets in this right hand and left had had a watch that was of shining gold. I wonder if it was real gold. His face was lit with joy as if he was meeting his very dear friend or someone who had treated his specially.
He walked to me and said, “Mithun sir, you have come back so soon. Looks like you missed this place a lot.”
To be continued..
When I saw Her - Part 2
As I was looking at the river, Sunaina and Rocky joined me. We saw a bridge, a build bridge, an unused one. It led to the other side. But we could not see the other side as few huge rocks covered the sight, followed by few dense trees. we were certain that the bridge led to the other side. The question we had at that time was whether to start walking to the other side or wait for a while, freshen up and move to other side. We three looked at each other, looked at the bridge. Neither of us knew what was on the other side. We looked at each other again, looked that bridge again. This time, we looked at the bridge for little longer.
Rocky said, "Guys.. I think.."
Sunaina interrupted him, "Shut up Rocky, I think we should.."
I interrupted her and said, "I think we should stop thinking, stop looking at the bridge and just go cross onto the other side." I looked at them, they both looked at me, and looked at the bridge again. A fear may be.
I said, "Lets go.."
Both of them, in an unplanned chorus shouted "Other side it is !!!"
I said, "Fucking couple.."
We put our backpacks on and began walking towards the bridge. As we walked, there was some known feeling. As if I was at this place before. I ignored it.
We began walking on the bridge. As I took my first step, something in me was beginning to try and tell me something. I began seeing flashes. As if something here was very dear to me. Something, Some unknown thing to me. I walked few yards on the bridge. I looked at my feet. White socked turned brown due to the great fall, red shoes with mud on it. Shorts with mud and a wrist band on my right hand that was equally dirty. I walked a few yards, and I saw at my feet again. Something flashed at me again. This time, everything was clean. White socks, red shoes, blue wrist band, I was in my Jeans. No backpack. I closed my eyes and opened it again, I saw Rocky and Sunaina. Back to the dirty attire. I began wondering what just happened.
I said, "Guys are you noticing something weird here?"
Both of them, again in a couple chorus, said "What now Mithun?"
I said, "Uhmm nothing unique but just that it feels as if I have come here before."
Sunaina with her ignoring gesture said, "Its always weird with you. Actually you are entirely weird, in every possible manner."
Rocky interrupted her and said "Baby leave him alone. He is weird indeed. Look, walk carefully This bridge is weird like Mithun too" and both of them began laughing. I just wonder whats with the joke and why they both laugh like that. The couple chorus, even in laughter?
Ignoring them, while they continued walking, I was looking at the water. The flow of water, gushing in full speed. Just as I looked at the water, I had another flash. This time around, I saw many people walking in front of me. It was like an outing. I would say that there were atleast 30 of them. Boys and girls. It was more like a trip from office. I looked at the crowd. Girls were laughing, some were scared to walk on the bridge, some were walking anyways. Some were in arms of their beloved, probably by now they were with some other beloved. They were walking, This time I was the last one and all were quite ahead. I looked at them, blinked my eyes and say Sunaina and Rocky. Something was not right with the place. Or, something was not right with me.
As I continued to walk on the bridge, I began observing the bridge, the river, the huge rocks and the dense trees. The river appeared to be almost half a mile in its width. Pretty huge river. As we walked, I noticed the huge rock. It split the river in the middle. The bridge passed right beside the rock, in a curvy fashion turning towards our right. I noticed that the right turn was towards the east as the sun would set in few hours on my left. As we took the curvy right turn on the bridge, we noticed something spectacular. As we took the right turn, the bridge gave way to a breathtaking wonderful sight on the left. A huge water fall, the cause for the great gushing sound. We were almost 200 meters into the bridge. The water fall was almost 150 feet deep. We could see almost the entire forest from where we stood. As I saw the view, I again flashed. I blinked and saw all those girls, guys, couples again. This time I was with someone, She was holding my right wrist, tightly. I looked at the view and we both, in the couple chorus said "What a wonderful view."
Just as I said those words and turned to my right to see who she was, I blinked and I saw Rocky and Sunaina, smiling, holding each other, looking at the view, they replied, "Yes Mithun, it indeed is wonderful view."
I was surprised that I had actually uttered the words. What the hell was this place. What are the flashes that I am seeing. Something is seriously wrong with this place or something is seriously wrong as I am unable to remember anything.
We continued walking, After few hundred more meters we entered the dense trees. The bridge continued into the trees. We could still hear the gushing sound. What really surprised me was the fact that few huge dense trees were right before the huge waterfall, standing tall, as dense as they could possibly be. We began walking amidst the trees. The sunlight began growing dimmer and dimmer. Water continued flowing underneath us. It was as though we were walking in a cave, with some echoing sound at a little distance away from us. And just few tens of meters away we began seeing light again. All three of us were very happy. We began walking briskly. As we reached the end of the bridge, we noticed that it did not lead to an open ground, but instead lead to steps. Rocky steps. We looked at each other and wondered what it was. By now, the water flow beneath the bridge was not that great. Something was totally weird about this place.
I said, "Guys, you have a choice, Climb those steps and find out whats up there, or go back. I have decided to find out what is up there. You decide. Now."
They both had a worried face. Just as i expected, it followed the worried silence. The couple chorus. "Lets go and find out."
We got out of the bridge, stepped onto the first step, Sat on the second one for a while, relaxed for few moments. I was the first one to get up. I said, "Its time to go up there."
Just as I said that, I flashed again. This time around, I heard her say this. The one who held my wrist while we saw the amazing sight at the waterfall. She said, "Its time to go up there."
To be continued..
Rocky said, "Guys.. I think.."
Sunaina interrupted him, "Shut up Rocky, I think we should.."
I interrupted her and said, "I think we should stop thinking, stop looking at the bridge and just go cross onto the other side." I looked at them, they both looked at me, and looked at the bridge again. A fear may be.
I said, "Lets go.."
Both of them, in an unplanned chorus shouted "Other side it is !!!"
I said, "Fucking couple.."
We put our backpacks on and began walking towards the bridge. As we walked, there was some known feeling. As if I was at this place before. I ignored it.
We began walking on the bridge. As I took my first step, something in me was beginning to try and tell me something. I began seeing flashes. As if something here was very dear to me. Something, Some unknown thing to me. I walked few yards on the bridge. I looked at my feet. White socked turned brown due to the great fall, red shoes with mud on it. Shorts with mud and a wrist band on my right hand that was equally dirty. I walked a few yards, and I saw at my feet again. Something flashed at me again. This time, everything was clean. White socks, red shoes, blue wrist band, I was in my Jeans. No backpack. I closed my eyes and opened it again, I saw Rocky and Sunaina. Back to the dirty attire. I began wondering what just happened.
I said, "Guys are you noticing something weird here?"
Both of them, again in a couple chorus, said "What now Mithun?"
I said, "Uhmm nothing unique but just that it feels as if I have come here before."
Sunaina with her ignoring gesture said, "Its always weird with you. Actually you are entirely weird, in every possible manner."
Rocky interrupted her and said "Baby leave him alone. He is weird indeed. Look, walk carefully This bridge is weird like Mithun too" and both of them began laughing. I just wonder whats with the joke and why they both laugh like that. The couple chorus, even in laughter?
Ignoring them, while they continued walking, I was looking at the water. The flow of water, gushing in full speed. Just as I looked at the water, I had another flash. This time around, I saw many people walking in front of me. It was like an outing. I would say that there were atleast 30 of them. Boys and girls. It was more like a trip from office. I looked at the crowd. Girls were laughing, some were scared to walk on the bridge, some were walking anyways. Some were in arms of their beloved, probably by now they were with some other beloved. They were walking, This time I was the last one and all were quite ahead. I looked at them, blinked my eyes and say Sunaina and Rocky. Something was not right with the place. Or, something was not right with me.
As I continued to walk on the bridge, I began observing the bridge, the river, the huge rocks and the dense trees. The river appeared to be almost half a mile in its width. Pretty huge river. As we walked, I noticed the huge rock. It split the river in the middle. The bridge passed right beside the rock, in a curvy fashion turning towards our right. I noticed that the right turn was towards the east as the sun would set in few hours on my left. As we took the curvy right turn on the bridge, we noticed something spectacular. As we took the right turn, the bridge gave way to a breathtaking wonderful sight on the left. A huge water fall, the cause for the great gushing sound. We were almost 200 meters into the bridge. The water fall was almost 150 feet deep. We could see almost the entire forest from where we stood. As I saw the view, I again flashed. I blinked and saw all those girls, guys, couples again. This time I was with someone, She was holding my right wrist, tightly. I looked at the view and we both, in the couple chorus said "What a wonderful view."
Just as I said those words and turned to my right to see who she was, I blinked and I saw Rocky and Sunaina, smiling, holding each other, looking at the view, they replied, "Yes Mithun, it indeed is wonderful view."
I was surprised that I had actually uttered the words. What the hell was this place. What are the flashes that I am seeing. Something is seriously wrong with this place or something is seriously wrong as I am unable to remember anything.
We continued walking, After few hundred more meters we entered the dense trees. The bridge continued into the trees. We could still hear the gushing sound. What really surprised me was the fact that few huge dense trees were right before the huge waterfall, standing tall, as dense as they could possibly be. We began walking amidst the trees. The sunlight began growing dimmer and dimmer. Water continued flowing underneath us. It was as though we were walking in a cave, with some echoing sound at a little distance away from us. And just few tens of meters away we began seeing light again. All three of us were very happy. We began walking briskly. As we reached the end of the bridge, we noticed that it did not lead to an open ground, but instead lead to steps. Rocky steps. We looked at each other and wondered what it was. By now, the water flow beneath the bridge was not that great. Something was totally weird about this place.
I said, "Guys, you have a choice, Climb those steps and find out whats up there, or go back. I have decided to find out what is up there. You decide. Now."
They both had a worried face. Just as i expected, it followed the worried silence. The couple chorus. "Lets go and find out."
We got out of the bridge, stepped onto the first step, Sat on the second one for a while, relaxed for few moments. I was the first one to get up. I said, "Its time to go up there."
Just as I said that, I flashed again. This time around, I heard her say this. The one who held my wrist while we saw the amazing sight at the waterfall. She said, "Its time to go up there."
To be continued..
When I saw Her - Part 1
There are several things in a dream that you would expect to see and very few that you would not want to see. The few things that you do not want to see, when seen, often makes us feel that we just had a nightmare. Well, in my case, I am not really sure what I saw. I am still wondering whether it was a dream or if it was a nightmare. There was a smile on my face when I woke up and yet I was not completely content.
Lately, I have not been having adequate sleep. Let alone that, I have not been having any kind of soothing sleep at all. Perhaps this is what happens when anxiousness creeps in and restlessness overpowers you. So there I was, trying to sleep, forcing myself to close my eyes and trying to dream. Not really sure how long it took me to fall asleep but when I did, I saw myself walking in a forest.
With lush green leaves all around me, the pure oxygen that I inhaled made me feel fresh all through the walk. I looked around to see if I was alone or if someone was there with me, I saw two of them. A girl and a guy. Had never seen them before. Sudden reaction was to try and figure out who they were and most importantly, where we were. As I was sweating, I reached the pocket in my shorts to fetch the hand kerchief. I felt a paper in the pocket. Took it out and read. It turned out to be a letter to the forest department that I had written, which in turn was approved. In it I saw the names of the two who were with me. Sunaina, Rocky, Mithun. I began wondering who these two were. For a moment I thought if I was dreaming, But I knew I was not, They were walking behind me, I was leading them and we were walking in the jungle. A stick in each of our right hand, trying to move the branches of the 5-6 feet bushes. The greenness of the leaves around us made the forest a breathtaking place to be in. I could hear birds chirping, crickets making their weird yet soothing sound. I must say, in the forest, the crickets can both be creepy and cute to hear.
So as we walked, I asked,
"So Rocky, what are the plans now. I am starving. Dont know where we are going. So start speaking.."
Rocky replied, "Are you kidding me?"
I replied, "Excuse me?"
Sunaina interrupted, "Mithun, you definitely ought to be kidding me. Dint you tell us that you knew the path to the water falls ? The same one that you did some research online before we stepped in here?"
I gulped, wondering what I was about to say. Firstly I was not sure why I was in the forest, now she says that I promised them to take them to a waterfall. What in the world was happening? While a part of me was telling me that everything that was happening around me was not supposed to, something in me told me to continue going. To lighten the mood, I said,
"Aah you guys will never learn how to be humorous. I was kidding. I was checking if you guys are still excited to go there or if you both were tired."
Sunaina punched me on my back and said "You and your stupid pranks!"
I laughed and kept moving. Just as we moving, Rocky said, "Dude, trust me, I am going to punch you someday for sure."
I replied, "I am tired of people saying that man, No one does. So many have told me that they hate me and they want to kill me, but no one does.." I looked at him and smiled.
Rocky replied, "Once a bugger always a bugger"
I chuckled.
With that, I began thinking of how the hell am I supposed to guide these two to a place that I myself was not sure of. I had no idea where the waterfall was or how to get there. But I knew one thing. This is something that I had to do, go there. Push these two off it. I smiled.
While we continued walking, we saw several birds, some snakes too. We saw flowers that were really colorful and were so pleasing to eyes. Just we were seeing one of the beautiful big flower, we saw a small bird flying over to the flower and sitting on it. Within few seconds of that, the flower trapped the bird. Sunaina screamed with shock. I was stunned. Insectivorous plants. Always heard of them. Had never seen them.
"Survival instinct. Thats an insectivorous plant. For its survival, it eats other organisms to get its nutrients that is not in the soil around it. Lets keep moving."
We conitnued walking. For quite few moments that followed, all three of us were thinking of what we saw. Just as we continued walking, we heard a huge gushing sound of the water. We knew instantly that we reached the waterfall. In excitement, we hurried. Steps became faster, time began flying, hearts began thumping. We were so excited, we did not see what was there ahead. Sunaina was so excited, two boys could not control one girl. Girls Well, I wonder if they can even control themselves for that matter.
She began running towards the sound and just as she ran, few yards ahead of me, she slipped with a thud, began rolling down like a crazy ball thrown into a slope. Rocky and I were so stunned, we had not anticipated the fall, let alone the fall, we had not anticipated the fall of a girl. Both of us jumped the slope to save her. There we were. One girl was the reason for the fall of two guys. That instantly put Eve to shame for she had only Adam fall for her. I was so furious, I began screaming while we rolled down the slope.
"Sunaina, trust me, when I get you, I am going to get you back up there and push you down this slope as hard as I possibly can, You dumb woman!!"
Rocky screamed, "Dude fuck you. Forget about the prank, think of saving her."
I said, "Oh you bet, I am going to save her, and I am going to get the shit out of her. Dumb moron Sunaina Mittal." I was shocked that I instantly remembered her last name.
All this while, like a screwed up siren of a factory, Sunaina kept on screaming "Help ! Help ! Help !"
Luckily, for us, the slope ended up on a plain, few hundred feet from the river. Sunaina rolled out like a ball and hit the plain ground with a foot tall grass, wet grass actually. She was covered with mud. Following her great landing, Rocky and I, equally covered with mud hit the wet grass. I gathered my legs and stood up and began walking towards Sunaina, with almost an anger to go hit her. I hurried with fast steps and she tried to step backwards slowly, scared, completely scared of me. Rocky came running towards me, to stop me from what was about to happen, He help m right arm and tried to stop me. I got off him, with a serious tone I said,
"Rocky, just wait. Just wait., Dont interrupt me. Just dont, This dumb moron, you just wait."
I walked to her, took a heavy breath, in a stepping back action, as if I was going to slap her real hard, too my right hand semi circle away from me and was about to hit her. She closed her eyes. I held her left arm and asked,
"Are you alright Sunaina?"
Surprise was on Rocky and Sunaina's face. What a sight that was. Sunaina was confused and so was Rocky.
"You both thought I would shout and hit you right? Well, there is no fun in doing something that expect me to. With me, expect the unexpected." I smiled.
They both stared a glance and each other, the one in which both would not know what to do. I instantly knew what was about to happen next. Both of them began beating me up. Things that I end up doing for myself.
We sat there, laughing at what just happened. Rested for few minutes. The sky was clear. As blue as it could possibly be. Birds flew over us, and water was flowing next to us. There is something fascinating about the gushing water in a river. The moment I see such a scene, happiness fills me. The water does not stay at one place. Keeps moving. From one terrain to the other, forgetting about the previous terrain it was in. Associating that to my life, I realize that I should keep moving ahead regardless of how the past has been. The water hits so many rocks, gets shattered, but once the rocks are passed, the water gathers back up, and continues flowing as if nothing ever happened. I again realize that same things happen in life as well. Tough situations come, we get shattered, but if we move on from then on, we gather ourself and continue flowing like the water in the river. Gushing water in the river, always makes me happy.
To be continued..
Lately, I have not been having adequate sleep. Let alone that, I have not been having any kind of soothing sleep at all. Perhaps this is what happens when anxiousness creeps in and restlessness overpowers you. So there I was, trying to sleep, forcing myself to close my eyes and trying to dream. Not really sure how long it took me to fall asleep but when I did, I saw myself walking in a forest.
With lush green leaves all around me, the pure oxygen that I inhaled made me feel fresh all through the walk. I looked around to see if I was alone or if someone was there with me, I saw two of them. A girl and a guy. Had never seen them before. Sudden reaction was to try and figure out who they were and most importantly, where we were. As I was sweating, I reached the pocket in my shorts to fetch the hand kerchief. I felt a paper in the pocket. Took it out and read. It turned out to be a letter to the forest department that I had written, which in turn was approved. In it I saw the names of the two who were with me. Sunaina, Rocky, Mithun. I began wondering who these two were. For a moment I thought if I was dreaming, But I knew I was not, They were walking behind me, I was leading them and we were walking in the jungle. A stick in each of our right hand, trying to move the branches of the 5-6 feet bushes. The greenness of the leaves around us made the forest a breathtaking place to be in. I could hear birds chirping, crickets making their weird yet soothing sound. I must say, in the forest, the crickets can both be creepy and cute to hear.
So as we walked, I asked,
"So Rocky, what are the plans now. I am starving. Dont know where we are going. So start speaking.."
Rocky replied, "Are you kidding me?"
I replied, "Excuse me?"
Sunaina interrupted, "Mithun, you definitely ought to be kidding me. Dint you tell us that you knew the path to the water falls ? The same one that you did some research online before we stepped in here?"
I gulped, wondering what I was about to say. Firstly I was not sure why I was in the forest, now she says that I promised them to take them to a waterfall. What in the world was happening? While a part of me was telling me that everything that was happening around me was not supposed to, something in me told me to continue going. To lighten the mood, I said,
"Aah you guys will never learn how to be humorous. I was kidding. I was checking if you guys are still excited to go there or if you both were tired."
Sunaina punched me on my back and said "You and your stupid pranks!"
I laughed and kept moving. Just as we moving, Rocky said, "Dude, trust me, I am going to punch you someday for sure."
I replied, "I am tired of people saying that man, No one does. So many have told me that they hate me and they want to kill me, but no one does.." I looked at him and smiled.
Rocky replied, "Once a bugger always a bugger"
I chuckled.
With that, I began thinking of how the hell am I supposed to guide these two to a place that I myself was not sure of. I had no idea where the waterfall was or how to get there. But I knew one thing. This is something that I had to do, go there. Push these two off it. I smiled.
While we continued walking, we saw several birds, some snakes too. We saw flowers that were really colorful and were so pleasing to eyes. Just we were seeing one of the beautiful big flower, we saw a small bird flying over to the flower and sitting on it. Within few seconds of that, the flower trapped the bird. Sunaina screamed with shock. I was stunned. Insectivorous plants. Always heard of them. Had never seen them.
"Survival instinct. Thats an insectivorous plant. For its survival, it eats other organisms to get its nutrients that is not in the soil around it. Lets keep moving."
We conitnued walking. For quite few moments that followed, all three of us were thinking of what we saw. Just as we continued walking, we heard a huge gushing sound of the water. We knew instantly that we reached the waterfall. In excitement, we hurried. Steps became faster, time began flying, hearts began thumping. We were so excited, we did not see what was there ahead. Sunaina was so excited, two boys could not control one girl. Girls Well, I wonder if they can even control themselves for that matter.
She began running towards the sound and just as she ran, few yards ahead of me, she slipped with a thud, began rolling down like a crazy ball thrown into a slope. Rocky and I were so stunned, we had not anticipated the fall, let alone the fall, we had not anticipated the fall of a girl. Both of us jumped the slope to save her. There we were. One girl was the reason for the fall of two guys. That instantly put Eve to shame for she had only Adam fall for her. I was so furious, I began screaming while we rolled down the slope.
"Sunaina, trust me, when I get you, I am going to get you back up there and push you down this slope as hard as I possibly can, You dumb woman!!"
Rocky screamed, "Dude fuck you. Forget about the prank, think of saving her."
I said, "Oh you bet, I am going to save her, and I am going to get the shit out of her. Dumb moron Sunaina Mittal." I was shocked that I instantly remembered her last name.
All this while, like a screwed up siren of a factory, Sunaina kept on screaming "Help ! Help ! Help !"
Luckily, for us, the slope ended up on a plain, few hundred feet from the river. Sunaina rolled out like a ball and hit the plain ground with a foot tall grass, wet grass actually. She was covered with mud. Following her great landing, Rocky and I, equally covered with mud hit the wet grass. I gathered my legs and stood up and began walking towards Sunaina, with almost an anger to go hit her. I hurried with fast steps and she tried to step backwards slowly, scared, completely scared of me. Rocky came running towards me, to stop me from what was about to happen, He help m right arm and tried to stop me. I got off him, with a serious tone I said,
"Rocky, just wait. Just wait., Dont interrupt me. Just dont, This dumb moron, you just wait."
I walked to her, took a heavy breath, in a stepping back action, as if I was going to slap her real hard, too my right hand semi circle away from me and was about to hit her. She closed her eyes. I held her left arm and asked,
"Are you alright Sunaina?"
Surprise was on Rocky and Sunaina's face. What a sight that was. Sunaina was confused and so was Rocky.
"You both thought I would shout and hit you right? Well, there is no fun in doing something that expect me to. With me, expect the unexpected." I smiled.
They both stared a glance and each other, the one in which both would not know what to do. I instantly knew what was about to happen next. Both of them began beating me up. Things that I end up doing for myself.
We sat there, laughing at what just happened. Rested for few minutes. The sky was clear. As blue as it could possibly be. Birds flew over us, and water was flowing next to us. There is something fascinating about the gushing water in a river. The moment I see such a scene, happiness fills me. The water does not stay at one place. Keeps moving. From one terrain to the other, forgetting about the previous terrain it was in. Associating that to my life, I realize that I should keep moving ahead regardless of how the past has been. The water hits so many rocks, gets shattered, but once the rocks are passed, the water gathers back up, and continues flowing as if nothing ever happened. I again realize that same things happen in life as well. Tough situations come, we get shattered, but if we move on from then on, we gather ourself and continue flowing like the water in the river. Gushing water in the river, always makes me happy.
To be continued..
Sunday 22 November 2009
My First Tattoo
For a long time I have been thinking of getting a tattoo done. But the urge to get a tattoo done became more prominent when I watched a television show named Prison Break. It was during this tv show that I realized how much committed one has to be to get a tattoo done. Something that is of prominence in a person's life, that he/she can get it on their skin and live with it for rest of their lives. I think added to that, the person has to be quite courageous. Humans as we are, we tend to walk away from the slightest possible pain.
Several years passed with a thought of getting a tattoo done on me. Seven months back when I realized I was in love, I was quite carried away in it. No regrets whatsoever. I still love the same way. Its more like jumping with both the feet in it. I wanted to get her name tattoed on my arm. The urge was such huge one that I almost ended up getting a tattoo done. But as days passed by, I began realizing that it was not in her best interest for me to get a tattoo done, for I had no idea as to how she would react to this. A part of me was wanting me to give her a surprise by letting her see a tattoo on me that had her name in it. As much romantic as this thought could possibly be, it also involved a possible way of jeopardizing everything that was there between her and me.
I guess, we all need friends for they can really knock your head and bring you back on track. When I had decided to get her name tattooed on my arm, I had a chat with my best friend, Koushik. Him and I share a very unique friendship. Somehow, we both manage to pop up a solution when the mind of the other is filled with questions. Something similar happened. On the day of getting a tattoo done, I had a chat with him and told him about my decision. He plainly denied and rejected my decision and insisted on not doing so. While he had valid reasons, I still was not clear of it. For me, expressing what I feel is very important. After having learnt to suppress it, I have realized that expressing feelings is much honest thing to do. I love her and I wanted to express it in an unconditional manner, hence my decision to get her name tattooed. As much as this thought was good, the essence of my chat with Koushik made me realize something that was beyond my understanding that that point in time.
To get tattooed in any design or a name of the person we love is very easy thing to do. From my point of view, anyone can get a tattoo done. But I realized that there are ways in which a tattoo can be meaningful. Symbols that had some meaning to it, or on a much deeper note, symbols to which both of us could relate to. If there is something that I have learnt to value as much as she does, it is the existence of the supreme entity aka God. So I searched for symbols describing God or for that matter any possible similar symbols. As I searched, I stumbled upon a collection of symbols called as the "Adinkra-symbols". The moment I saw the symbols and came across a symbol for "Supremacy of God", I knew that it was the kind of art I was looking for. However, I wanted to keep my options open. So when I visited the tattoo artist, I saw various books on tattooes in his room, but none impressed me. So I stuck to the one that I liked the most.
It took less than 20 minutes for me to get my tattoo done. Pain was nothing. I guess pain is in the mind and in my mind, there is no pain of any kind. So the pricking of the needle gave me no pain. Infact, I was amazed at the way the tattoo machines work. The way ink is put on the skin, the way the machine pricks. It was a treat to watch my skin penetrated multiple times by the needle, and with every penetration, certain amount of ink was deposited. The experience of getting the tattoo done was indeed good one.
All said and done, I have no regrets of this. Every time I see the tattoo, it instills certain ounce of confidence in me. It makes me happy. More like a connection with supreme entity. I am happy with it.
Several years passed with a thought of getting a tattoo done on me. Seven months back when I realized I was in love, I was quite carried away in it. No regrets whatsoever. I still love the same way. Its more like jumping with both the feet in it. I wanted to get her name tattoed on my arm. The urge was such huge one that I almost ended up getting a tattoo done. But as days passed by, I began realizing that it was not in her best interest for me to get a tattoo done, for I had no idea as to how she would react to this. A part of me was wanting me to give her a surprise by letting her see a tattoo on me that had her name in it. As much romantic as this thought could possibly be, it also involved a possible way of jeopardizing everything that was there between her and me.
I guess, we all need friends for they can really knock your head and bring you back on track. When I had decided to get her name tattooed on my arm, I had a chat with my best friend, Koushik. Him and I share a very unique friendship. Somehow, we both manage to pop up a solution when the mind of the other is filled with questions. Something similar happened. On the day of getting a tattoo done, I had a chat with him and told him about my decision. He plainly denied and rejected my decision and insisted on not doing so. While he had valid reasons, I still was not clear of it. For me, expressing what I feel is very important. After having learnt to suppress it, I have realized that expressing feelings is much honest thing to do. I love her and I wanted to express it in an unconditional manner, hence my decision to get her name tattooed. As much as this thought was good, the essence of my chat with Koushik made me realize something that was beyond my understanding that that point in time.
To get tattooed in any design or a name of the person we love is very easy thing to do. From my point of view, anyone can get a tattoo done. But I realized that there are ways in which a tattoo can be meaningful. Symbols that had some meaning to it, or on a much deeper note, symbols to which both of us could relate to. If there is something that I have learnt to value as much as she does, it is the existence of the supreme entity aka God. So I searched for symbols describing God or for that matter any possible similar symbols. As I searched, I stumbled upon a collection of symbols called as the "Adinkra-symbols". The moment I saw the symbols and came across a symbol for "Supremacy of God", I knew that it was the kind of art I was looking for. However, I wanted to keep my options open. So when I visited the tattoo artist, I saw various books on tattooes in his room, but none impressed me. So I stuck to the one that I liked the most.
It took less than 20 minutes for me to get my tattoo done. Pain was nothing. I guess pain is in the mind and in my mind, there is no pain of any kind. So the pricking of the needle gave me no pain. Infact, I was amazed at the way the tattoo machines work. The way ink is put on the skin, the way the machine pricks. It was a treat to watch my skin penetrated multiple times by the needle, and with every penetration, certain amount of ink was deposited. The experience of getting the tattoo done was indeed good one.
All said and done, I have no regrets of this. Every time I see the tattoo, it instills certain ounce of confidence in me. It makes me happy. More like a connection with supreme entity. I am happy with it.
Tuesday 17 November 2009
When i wish to talk to her..
What is it that we can do when we really want to talk and yet we are aware that we cannot do so? This has eluded me for a real long time. This thought just has stuck on me, worse than any kind of glue. Life around this thought continues to be completely blue.
From a person who expressed anything and everything, to a person who shut everything within, coming back to express again is much difficult a thing to do. So many a times I have dug a rabbit hole for myself, a hole that went deeper and deeper that all I found in it was darkness and more darkness. At times, I did feel like I was walking through an endless tunnel and everytime I saw a ray of light, instead of fastening my pace towards light, I ran away from it, thinking that it was a fast approaching time.
The most healthiest man, when bed ridden with sickness, wants to spend the rest of his living time with near and dear ones. The richest man, when shun from the glory of his riches, wants to spend the times of his loneliness with someone close to him. Somehow, when we really feel that void within us, we wish to spend it with someone who could complete the void. Many a times, we get confused about that person, and we tend to choose the incorrect ones. Many a times, we tend to get blindfolded and somehow we manage not to hear ourselves out. Over a period of time, we tend to find the correct one.
The urge to express is sometimes the most fascinating one. It makes us to so many unbelievable and unknown things, which otherwise we would never have done. For instance, I expressed my love only because I had the urge to express. I would not have done it if I did not have the urge. Similarly, the urge to talk to someone is also the same.
While a part of me is constantly wanting me to do certain things, a part of me is opposing me from doing it. For several days, I have an urge to talk certain things out, let someone know, most importantly, let the other person know what I want to say or what I am going through. Over a period of time, I have mastered the art of resenting, and this mastery has now become my enemy.
usually when I am ill, I dont take rest. Instead, I involve myself. As a result, I dont let the sickness of my body affect the strength of my mind. On more than one account, we tend to feel the void when the courage of the heart, strength of the mind are weakened by the sickness of the body. Someone once said that the most beautiful voice of a person is the one who resonates your soul, the one whom we love. At this time, I can say one thing for sure. My soul is resonating and every time I wish to talk to the person, the resonance peaks, the urge shoots roof tops. What do I do? Nothing.
From a person who expressed anything and everything, to a person who shut everything within, coming back to express again is much difficult a thing to do. So many a times I have dug a rabbit hole for myself, a hole that went deeper and deeper that all I found in it was darkness and more darkness. At times, I did feel like I was walking through an endless tunnel and everytime I saw a ray of light, instead of fastening my pace towards light, I ran away from it, thinking that it was a fast approaching time.
The most healthiest man, when bed ridden with sickness, wants to spend the rest of his living time with near and dear ones. The richest man, when shun from the glory of his riches, wants to spend the times of his loneliness with someone close to him. Somehow, when we really feel that void within us, we wish to spend it with someone who could complete the void. Many a times, we get confused about that person, and we tend to choose the incorrect ones. Many a times, we tend to get blindfolded and somehow we manage not to hear ourselves out. Over a period of time, we tend to find the correct one.
The urge to express is sometimes the most fascinating one. It makes us to so many unbelievable and unknown things, which otherwise we would never have done. For instance, I expressed my love only because I had the urge to express. I would not have done it if I did not have the urge. Similarly, the urge to talk to someone is also the same.
While a part of me is constantly wanting me to do certain things, a part of me is opposing me from doing it. For several days, I have an urge to talk certain things out, let someone know, most importantly, let the other person know what I want to say or what I am going through. Over a period of time, I have mastered the art of resenting, and this mastery has now become my enemy.
usually when I am ill, I dont take rest. Instead, I involve myself. As a result, I dont let the sickness of my body affect the strength of my mind. On more than one account, we tend to feel the void when the courage of the heart, strength of the mind are weakened by the sickness of the body. Someone once said that the most beautiful voice of a person is the one who resonates your soul, the one whom we love. At this time, I can say one thing for sure. My soul is resonating and every time I wish to talk to the person, the resonance peaks, the urge shoots roof tops. What do I do? Nothing.
Thursday 12 November 2009
This one is for you..
This one is for you.. I read it online and I knew it was only for you..
She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
Tuesday 10 November 2009
And I think again
There are times when we wish to own a time machine such that we could either go back in time and change certain things/events that had occurred or visit the future and find out what outcomes certain events have. Then there are those times when we just want to have the time machine and sit next to it with a feeling that the ticking time was not a worry to you.
Interesting as that might seem, this thought put me into profound thinking mode. Every time I begin to think something that is deep and intense, I enter a room with an aura that inspires thinking. In the city of my mind, exists several areas. Some are very good ones, the ones that I enter when I am happy. Some are very relaxing, like a walk in the park. Some areas transform into a mystical jungle, filling me with adrenaline rush. I visit this area of my mind when I am having fun. In addition to all these, there is one specific arena, more like a sector. When it is time for me to think, I see myself standing in this area. Fuzzy objects around me, dim yet bright light around me. Nothing makes sense in this area. Its more like a room. when I enter this, nothing is clear to me. As i begin thinking, and deducing, slowly everything in it begins to take shape. Mostly, offering me solutions to what I have been thinking.
So as I begin to think about the time machine, I find myself in this room. In this huge room, I find a clock that is ticking, 3 seconds forward, 2 back. It appeared as if the time was flying, but it was moving just a second at a time. When I turn around, I see a wall paper, not sure what was on it. It was fuzzy. Nothing was clear in it. I was curios to know who it was, but that was not why I was in the room, so began focusing on the need of the hour. The time machine.
I walked back to the clock that was ticking. 3 seconds forward, 2 back. I looked at it. It was a very simple one. I wished if I could use it to go back in time and relive some moments. Just as did so, I saw an option to enter date in it and press a button. Heart began pounding. I began wondering which day of my past life should I revisit. If I did revisit, should I change something there? If I did want to change something, what would it be? And with that, began a sequence of questions that just did not stop.
Just as they continued to pop up, I asked myself one question, ignoring all the ones that were popping up. "Am I happy now?" Answer to this was "Yes". I asked another question, "Do I really want to change something in the past?" I answered to myself "Nothing. Everything that has happened, has led me to this place, this current state, the present stage in my life."
I was surprised with the answer I gave. Keeping my answers in my mind, I looked at the clock, and this time, the bottuons to enter date and the press were gone. Just as I began wondering, another thought came in. This time around, it was more like a wish. A wish to see what happens in the future. An eagerness filled in me. An excitement dawned upon me to see answers for the questions that are still lingering over me. I was eager to know what outcomes were bound to occur, how my life would be etc.
I asked myself, "Do I want to visit future and see what happens in it?" and I answered to myself "Yes". I immediately followed up with another question, "Is it the right thing to do?". There was a pause for few seconds. I looked up at the clock, the buttons were present, to enter the date and press the button. But somehow, something in me told me not to do it. Something in me told me not to do it, no matter what. I just did not answer my question. So there I was, looking at the clock, deciding not to answer. The buttons began appearing fuzzy and in few seconds they were gone. I blinked few times to ensure I was seeing what I saw.
I closed my eyes, opened them. Looked around. Everything was very clear. I was in a different place altogether. I suddenly saw a lovely garden with lawn spread for quite a distance. I saw green plants, none artificial whatsoever. As breeze struck my face, I felt and told myself "This is the place to be." My eyes were closed, experiencing the exhilarating atmosphere and lovely energy that was surrounding me. I see a little girl, in her very light blue coloured t shirt and a denim jean. She was around 3 years old. Her face was so calming that my heart began throbbing. Who was this little angel? I turned around to see if someone was around, and there I was, standing in the garden of a lovely house. A house that I always dreamed about. I saw it again.
Wow, I thought.
Interesting as that might seem, this thought put me into profound thinking mode. Every time I begin to think something that is deep and intense, I enter a room with an aura that inspires thinking. In the city of my mind, exists several areas. Some are very good ones, the ones that I enter when I am happy. Some are very relaxing, like a walk in the park. Some areas transform into a mystical jungle, filling me with adrenaline rush. I visit this area of my mind when I am having fun. In addition to all these, there is one specific arena, more like a sector. When it is time for me to think, I see myself standing in this area. Fuzzy objects around me, dim yet bright light around me. Nothing makes sense in this area. Its more like a room. when I enter this, nothing is clear to me. As i begin thinking, and deducing, slowly everything in it begins to take shape. Mostly, offering me solutions to what I have been thinking.
So as I begin to think about the time machine, I find myself in this room. In this huge room, I find a clock that is ticking, 3 seconds forward, 2 back. It appeared as if the time was flying, but it was moving just a second at a time. When I turn around, I see a wall paper, not sure what was on it. It was fuzzy. Nothing was clear in it. I was curios to know who it was, but that was not why I was in the room, so began focusing on the need of the hour. The time machine.
I walked back to the clock that was ticking. 3 seconds forward, 2 back. I looked at it. It was a very simple one. I wished if I could use it to go back in time and relive some moments. Just as did so, I saw an option to enter date in it and press a button. Heart began pounding. I began wondering which day of my past life should I revisit. If I did revisit, should I change something there? If I did want to change something, what would it be? And with that, began a sequence of questions that just did not stop.
Just as they continued to pop up, I asked myself one question, ignoring all the ones that were popping up. "Am I happy now?" Answer to this was "Yes". I asked another question, "Do I really want to change something in the past?" I answered to myself "Nothing. Everything that has happened, has led me to this place, this current state, the present stage in my life."
I was surprised with the answer I gave. Keeping my answers in my mind, I looked at the clock, and this time, the bottuons to enter date and the press were gone. Just as I began wondering, another thought came in. This time around, it was more like a wish. A wish to see what happens in the future. An eagerness filled in me. An excitement dawned upon me to see answers for the questions that are still lingering over me. I was eager to know what outcomes were bound to occur, how my life would be etc.
I asked myself, "Do I want to visit future and see what happens in it?" and I answered to myself "Yes". I immediately followed up with another question, "Is it the right thing to do?". There was a pause for few seconds. I looked up at the clock, the buttons were present, to enter the date and press the button. But somehow, something in me told me not to do it. Something in me told me not to do it, no matter what. I just did not answer my question. So there I was, looking at the clock, deciding not to answer. The buttons began appearing fuzzy and in few seconds they were gone. I blinked few times to ensure I was seeing what I saw.
I closed my eyes, opened them. Looked around. Everything was very clear. I was in a different place altogether. I suddenly saw a lovely garden with lawn spread for quite a distance. I saw green plants, none artificial whatsoever. As breeze struck my face, I felt and told myself "This is the place to be." My eyes were closed, experiencing the exhilarating atmosphere and lovely energy that was surrounding me. I see a little girl, in her very light blue coloured t shirt and a denim jean. She was around 3 years old. Her face was so calming that my heart began throbbing. Who was this little angel? I turned around to see if someone was around, and there I was, standing in the garden of a lovely house. A house that I always dreamed about. I saw it again.
Wow, I thought.
Sunday 8 November 2009
Joy ki jhappi is indeed jaadu ki jhappi..
Time was 0420 am. I looked at the clock and smiled.
For over 30 minutes, I was walking in the compound, listening to the songs in my ipod. Came back in, had some chocolate flakes. This time, there as no milk and pickle involved in it. Just plain chocolate flakes. Few minutes ago, I was reading what I had written. Of several things that I usually write, only few go onto my blog. As my blog appears to have several posts, I cant even begin to imagine how many posts I have actually written and how many of them I have not posted.
Right now, at this very moment, as the dusk is approaching closer, there are so many things that are going on in my mind. For starters, my body is wanting me to sleep, my mind is generating pulsating thoughts, several hundreds of them. Delighted as i have been in past few days, happiness continues to grow within me. In ways that I cannot explain, the joy within me increases. Perhaps, the thoughts about,for,of her make me rejoice in sanctity.
It has been very eventful weekend. I guess, there are lessons imbibed in every moment we live, most of them we miss, some of them we learn. Those that we learn change the direction of life and they inject a new meaning to life. To love someone is easy. To realize it is hard. To perceive it is harder. To not expect anything in return is hardest, but nevertheless, it is not impossible. This is something that I have mastered over the years. For all, almost all, to expect is so natural. For me, it has just become so difficult to think. Somehow, no matter how much I try to expect, I cannot.
Over the weekend, I met several of my friends. Some of them were committed, some of them were not. Every time I meet them, there is something I learn from them. I guess, learning from the lives of others is an enriching experience. For instance, when I meet friends of mine who are single, I know what I should not do when I continue to remain single. When I meet friends of mine that are committed, I learn how not to make life a routine, if at all I get committed. As much as I put an effort, I know that there will be a time when I will be with that special someone, and when I am with that special someone, no matter what happens, I will ensure that life never becomes a routine.
On a personal note, I think to make life a routine is the most easiest thing to do. To make it not a routine is the most challenging thing to do, and yes, I love challenges. So no matter what, I will ensure that life never becomes a routine, come what may. As these thoughts dawned upon me, I began thinking, an activity that gives me profound serenity in the most unforeseen situations. The moment I think of her, somehow, she personifies right in front of me. So much has changed within me, ever since I met her, I never realized it. Somehow, happiness that always eluded me, found me. Somehow joy that always maintained a distance, hugs me at the start of each day. Joy ki jhappi is indeed jaadu ki jhappi..
For over 30 minutes, I was walking in the compound, listening to the songs in my ipod. Came back in, had some chocolate flakes. This time, there as no milk and pickle involved in it. Just plain chocolate flakes. Few minutes ago, I was reading what I had written. Of several things that I usually write, only few go onto my blog. As my blog appears to have several posts, I cant even begin to imagine how many posts I have actually written and how many of them I have not posted.
Right now, at this very moment, as the dusk is approaching closer, there are so many things that are going on in my mind. For starters, my body is wanting me to sleep, my mind is generating pulsating thoughts, several hundreds of them. Delighted as i have been in past few days, happiness continues to grow within me. In ways that I cannot explain, the joy within me increases. Perhaps, the thoughts about,for,of her make me rejoice in sanctity.
It has been very eventful weekend. I guess, there are lessons imbibed in every moment we live, most of them we miss, some of them we learn. Those that we learn change the direction of life and they inject a new meaning to life. To love someone is easy. To realize it is hard. To perceive it is harder. To not expect anything in return is hardest, but nevertheless, it is not impossible. This is something that I have mastered over the years. For all, almost all, to expect is so natural. For me, it has just become so difficult to think. Somehow, no matter how much I try to expect, I cannot.
Over the weekend, I met several of my friends. Some of them were committed, some of them were not. Every time I meet them, there is something I learn from them. I guess, learning from the lives of others is an enriching experience. For instance, when I meet friends of mine who are single, I know what I should not do when I continue to remain single. When I meet friends of mine that are committed, I learn how not to make life a routine, if at all I get committed. As much as I put an effort, I know that there will be a time when I will be with that special someone, and when I am with that special someone, no matter what happens, I will ensure that life never becomes a routine.
On a personal note, I think to make life a routine is the most easiest thing to do. To make it not a routine is the most challenging thing to do, and yes, I love challenges. So no matter what, I will ensure that life never becomes a routine, come what may. As these thoughts dawned upon me, I began thinking, an activity that gives me profound serenity in the most unforeseen situations. The moment I think of her, somehow, she personifies right in front of me. So much has changed within me, ever since I met her, I never realized it. Somehow, happiness that always eluded me, found me. Somehow joy that always maintained a distance, hugs me at the start of each day. Joy ki jhappi is indeed jaadu ki jhappi..
Thursday 5 November 2009
What is greater than Energy?
It is said that energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can just be transformed from one form to the other. Now that is a wonderful thing indeed. A thought provoking one.
Ever since I read about that in my school, I always wondered. Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? Back then, life in school was all about Kinetic Energy, Potential energy, forms of energy and what not. But there was one thought that constantly kept striking in my mind. Is there something out there that is something like energy or perhaps something beyond it.
This thought, over the years faded away. Got busy with college, followed by graduation. I then got busy with work and corporate life. It so happened the events of life kept me busy from my very thoughts that made me ponder over few basic things of life. However, this had to change. Almost always, those thoughts that get imbibed in us during our childhood almost always bounce back when you least expect them to.
It had been several months since I read any books before I went to sleep. I usually read a book or some article before I fall asleep. This I do to fine tune my thinking ability. Old habits die hard. So I continued reading my latest mind diverting book, Becoming a person of Influence. I am not reading because I want to be a person of influence, I think that as a concept is over rated in itself. I am reading this book because I am intrigued as to why this is one of the best sellers.
As minute as thoughts can possibly be, they cause an impact strong enough to cause ripples in the waters of the mind. A similar thought caused a ripple in the waters of my mind that were still for a long time. Just as I was reading the book, the thought came back in my mind, After almost 15 years. I wondered why. I asked myself the same question, Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? As I tried to find the answer to this, no matter as hard as I thought, I just could not figure it out. So with a very pondering mind, I fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of the vegetable seller in the morning. It was around 0800 hrs. Somehow I managed to curl back into a quick nap for few more hours. Two hours later I woke up, with sleep filled eyes, I managed to wake myself up. Checked my ipod to see the face of the one I love the most. Smiled. I went out to get the newspaper. It was lying right infront of the door. Took it and found that the weather was very cold, cloudy, and it was drizzling. I stepped out of the house, Stepped out of the compound. Felt the rain drops falling on me, slowly yet steadily. With newspaper in my hand, and rain drops falling on me, I looked up to the skies. Grey was the color for it were the clouds that filled it up. I closed my eyes as felt the cold breeze crash on my face, felt the cold water droplets. The first thought that came to my mind was her. And just as I thought that, I got the answer for my question.
Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? Well yes, there is, it is Love. Love can neither be created nor be destroyed but it can definitely be transformed from one form to the other. Love makes all things happen including the very presence of energy. There I was, standing and closing my eyes with this thought in my mind. I opened my eyes and felt the cold droplets falling on me and this time, I had a smile on my face. I had a smile on my face for I finally found the answer for a question that lasted over a decade and a half.
And thus began another great day filled with happiness and joy.
Ever since I read about that in my school, I always wondered. Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? Back then, life in school was all about Kinetic Energy, Potential energy, forms of energy and what not. But there was one thought that constantly kept striking in my mind. Is there something out there that is something like energy or perhaps something beyond it.
This thought, over the years faded away. Got busy with college, followed by graduation. I then got busy with work and corporate life. It so happened the events of life kept me busy from my very thoughts that made me ponder over few basic things of life. However, this had to change. Almost always, those thoughts that get imbibed in us during our childhood almost always bounce back when you least expect them to.
It had been several months since I read any books before I went to sleep. I usually read a book or some article before I fall asleep. This I do to fine tune my thinking ability. Old habits die hard. So I continued reading my latest mind diverting book, Becoming a person of Influence. I am not reading because I want to be a person of influence, I think that as a concept is over rated in itself. I am reading this book because I am intrigued as to why this is one of the best sellers.
As minute as thoughts can possibly be, they cause an impact strong enough to cause ripples in the waters of the mind. A similar thought caused a ripple in the waters of my mind that were still for a long time. Just as I was reading the book, the thought came back in my mind, After almost 15 years. I wondered why. I asked myself the same question, Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? As I tried to find the answer to this, no matter as hard as I thought, I just could not figure it out. So with a very pondering mind, I fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of the vegetable seller in the morning. It was around 0800 hrs. Somehow I managed to curl back into a quick nap for few more hours. Two hours later I woke up, with sleep filled eyes, I managed to wake myself up. Checked my ipod to see the face of the one I love the most. Smiled. I went out to get the newspaper. It was lying right infront of the door. Took it and found that the weather was very cold, cloudy, and it was drizzling. I stepped out of the house, Stepped out of the compound. Felt the rain drops falling on me, slowly yet steadily. With newspaper in my hand, and rain drops falling on me, I looked up to the skies. Grey was the color for it were the clouds that filled it up. I closed my eyes as felt the cold breeze crash on my face, felt the cold water droplets. The first thought that came to my mind was her. And just as I thought that, I got the answer for my question.
Is energy the only thing that can neither be created nor be destroyed? Or, is there something out there that is similar to energy? Well yes, there is, it is Love. Love can neither be created nor be destroyed but it can definitely be transformed from one form to the other. Love makes all things happen including the very presence of energy. There I was, standing and closing my eyes with this thought in my mind. I opened my eyes and felt the cold droplets falling on me and this time, I had a smile on my face. I had a smile on my face for I finally found the answer for a question that lasted over a decade and a half.
And thus began another great day filled with happiness and joy.
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Coincidences
In my effort to divert my mind from things that have been happening, I decided to read a book. But before I get to that, let me pen down what has been happening at my end.
A month passed and after a month, a wait begins for another one to pass. While the first one was the restless one filled with anxiousness and being eager most of the
time. The second month that I am now waiting to end up is slowly making me get there. Initially I was not sure how this would go. But as last four days have been, I now know that there are less days to look for. On a much deeper thought, I realized that I have always been too close to the puzzle to see the picture. It so happens with most of us that we are so focussed in the puzzle that we forget to see how the actual picture looks like. Sometimes we tend to sit in a vehicle with the seat belts on that we forget how it would feel to let that go.
So there I was, at home, lying on my bed. I had a great day and was wondering how would it all be. But at the same time, I thought to myself that I should not spend too much time in thinking about it either. It was highly ineffable to do so. As a result, I had to do something to keep myself busy. So there we go, back to the first sentence of this post.
I decided to read a book.
Off all the books that were in my reach, I began reading a book that I had brought several months back and never got a chance to read. Titled 'How to influence people' I was kinda curious to know what this book had in it. So I began reading. Twenty minutes into the book, I was into a page where there was an incident that the author began sharing. While I read it, I noticed that of the four characters in it, one name struck several bells in my mind. That same name of the girl that represents hope to me. Another coincidence.
At that moment, I asked myself a question. How many coincidences would we need to understand what is meant to be and be? How many incidents should take place to gather more belief on our hope? As much as these happen to me, do they also happen to her? Hmmm interesting as it might seem, there is one thing that I know for sure. She fills the incomplete part of me.
A month passed and after a month, a wait begins for another one to pass. While the first one was the restless one filled with anxiousness and being eager most of the
time. The second month that I am now waiting to end up is slowly making me get there. Initially I was not sure how this would go. But as last four days have been, I now know that there are less days to look for. On a much deeper thought, I realized that I have always been too close to the puzzle to see the picture. It so happens with most of us that we are so focussed in the puzzle that we forget to see how the actual picture looks like. Sometimes we tend to sit in a vehicle with the seat belts on that we forget how it would feel to let that go.
So there I was, at home, lying on my bed. I had a great day and was wondering how would it all be. But at the same time, I thought to myself that I should not spend too much time in thinking about it either. It was highly ineffable to do so. As a result, I had to do something to keep myself busy. So there we go, back to the first sentence of this post.
I decided to read a book.
Off all the books that were in my reach, I began reading a book that I had brought several months back and never got a chance to read. Titled 'How to influence people' I was kinda curious to know what this book had in it. So I began reading. Twenty minutes into the book, I was into a page where there was an incident that the author began sharing. While I read it, I noticed that of the four characters in it, one name struck several bells in my mind. That same name of the girl that represents hope to me. Another coincidence.
At that moment, I asked myself a question. How many coincidences would we need to understand what is meant to be and be? How many incidents should take place to gather more belief on our hope? As much as these happen to me, do they also happen to her? Hmmm interesting as it might seem, there is one thing that I know for sure. She fills the incomplete part of me.
Tuesday 3 November 2009
Tuesday - 03Nov09 - I am happy!
Tuesday. An interesting day.
When I woke up in the morning, for a reason unknown to me, I had a huge smile on my face. I walked to the wash basin, washed up my face and looked into the mirror. I was still smiling. I thought it was a great start for the day.
On the way to work, cab picked me on time, reached office on time, met some old friends online. I even spoke to a very good friend of mine after several months. We exchanged latest happenings of our lives. It was pleasing to know that he was doing great in US. He went through a lot of tough times. I am really happy for him. I told him about things happening at my end. He was happy for it too. Somehow, the day was filled with happiness, not the fake one but it was filled with genuine happiness.
Last night, I spoke to my friend, and told her everything that had happened for the last month, especially about how truly, madly and deeply I was in love. She was happy. Somehow, for a very long time, happiness eluded me. But now, looks like it is hovering around me now. She was genuinely happy with how my life now was. When I look back in time, I do realize that it is now that I am happy, so much so that I have never been this happy before. May be because I am completely content with what is happening around me, for me, with me, by me and things that I have with me in my life. It just makes me smile.
For a long time, I have been unemotional. Nothing really moved me as a person. May be because I had willingly shut that side down. For a long time, I was glad I did. Lately, that side is opening up. Perhaps, love really humbles a being. It somehow has a strength to humble a person and yet manage to glorify the same. I once read that if you sleep with an itchy anus, you are bound to wake up with smelly fingers. As that might seem, when I woke up today, I realized that it is how I sleep that determines how I wake up. The thoughts that I feed before I fall asleep are the thoughts that drive me when I wake up.
Today, has been one of the happiest days I have had in a long time.
When I woke up in the morning, for a reason unknown to me, I had a huge smile on my face. I walked to the wash basin, washed up my face and looked into the mirror. I was still smiling. I thought it was a great start for the day.
On the way to work, cab picked me on time, reached office on time, met some old friends online. I even spoke to a very good friend of mine after several months. We exchanged latest happenings of our lives. It was pleasing to know that he was doing great in US. He went through a lot of tough times. I am really happy for him. I told him about things happening at my end. He was happy for it too. Somehow, the day was filled with happiness, not the fake one but it was filled with genuine happiness.
Last night, I spoke to my friend, and told her everything that had happened for the last month, especially about how truly, madly and deeply I was in love. She was happy. Somehow, for a very long time, happiness eluded me. But now, looks like it is hovering around me now. She was genuinely happy with how my life now was. When I look back in time, I do realize that it is now that I am happy, so much so that I have never been this happy before. May be because I am completely content with what is happening around me, for me, with me, by me and things that I have with me in my life. It just makes me smile.
For a long time, I have been unemotional. Nothing really moved me as a person. May be because I had willingly shut that side down. For a long time, I was glad I did. Lately, that side is opening up. Perhaps, love really humbles a being. It somehow has a strength to humble a person and yet manage to glorify the same. I once read that if you sleep with an itchy anus, you are bound to wake up with smelly fingers. As that might seem, when I woke up today, I realized that it is how I sleep that determines how I wake up. The thoughts that I feed before I fall asleep are the thoughts that drive me when I wake up.
Today, has been one of the happiest days I have had in a long time.
Monday 2 November 2009
Thoughts filled with verbs
As I was working today, I began thinking,
while thinking, I tried to understand things that I have tried understanding..
In the process of doing so, in my mind, with my thoughts, I began playing,
Around me, people were talking, some were walking, and in my ears, music continued playing..
As I continued thinking, it was you I was imagining,
Every time I saw your face, my heart never stopped throbbing,.
I then began wondering as to what continues to give my life a meaning,
Not a surprise, for it is you, and it is you that gives my life its true meaning..
Whether it is walking, working, sleeping or anything,
it is centred around you, in which all things about me continue revolving,.
thoughts suddenly increase in number, which is why I begin writing,
for the story is such enormous, I cant even wonder why it never is finishing..
I close my eyes temporarily and begin dreaming,
in it, with me, holding my hands, you and I were walking..
On the shore as we continued step after step, in silence we began speaking,
without uttering a single word, it was each other's thoughts we began understanding..
With every passing moment, I realized I have this feeling,
to look into your eyes while the candle continued burning..
As night gets deeper and darker, on the shore, we continue looking,
at those stars shining and twinkling, knowing with each other we will forever be living..
while thinking, I tried to understand things that I have tried understanding..
In the process of doing so, in my mind, with my thoughts, I began playing,
Around me, people were talking, some were walking, and in my ears, music continued playing..
As I continued thinking, it was you I was imagining,
Every time I saw your face, my heart never stopped throbbing,.
I then began wondering as to what continues to give my life a meaning,
Not a surprise, for it is you, and it is you that gives my life its true meaning..
Whether it is walking, working, sleeping or anything,
it is centred around you, in which all things about me continue revolving,.
thoughts suddenly increase in number, which is why I begin writing,
for the story is such enormous, I cant even wonder why it never is finishing..
I close my eyes temporarily and begin dreaming,
in it, with me, holding my hands, you and I were walking..
On the shore as we continued step after step, in silence we began speaking,
without uttering a single word, it was each other's thoughts we began understanding..
With every passing moment, I realized I have this feeling,
to look into your eyes while the candle continued burning..
As night gets deeper and darker, on the shore, we continue looking,
at those stars shining and twinkling, knowing with each other we will forever be living..
Wednesday 28 October 2009
Ah the battles..
We are always in constant battles. We are under the impression that it is the world and the people with whom we battle. It is so unfortunate that we actually forget that we are in battle with ourself more than with anything else. Few months ago, I was in battle with myself trying to figure out what things were. Few weeks back I was again in battle with myself to take an action or not. And now, I am in a battle with myself. Yet again.
When things happen as they do and when you realize that there was nothing that you could have done, the only thing that you will end up doing is accepting that they happened. To be more on the specific terms, few months back I realized I was in love. As much happy as I was, I was not sure if it truly was love. I began battling various thoughts to determine if it really was. I did every possible thing to ensure I did not feel the way I felt and did things to determine if I was really in love. But no matter what I did, I just kept loving even more. With every day that passed, it just grew exponentially. The more I was trying to tell myself that I was not in love, the more situations became clearer that I was.
So there I was, confirming that I was indeed in love. A hard hitting reality. It was four years back when I decided that I would never love again, and will never let myself love, intentionally or unintentionally, knowingly or unknowingly. As a result, I did everything that I could do to continue to remain so. Until few months. After that was clear, another battle began. Should I let her know or should I not let her know. Looks like the battles never end. They always are a matter of choice. Constantly. Endlessly. They just remain and keep coming back in various forms. So the battle I began fighting was to let her know or not. It took me over few months to decide on this. No matter how I felt about her, I had to be honest about it and hence I decided to tell her.
Once that went by, the next was to figure out how to tell it to her. Again, too many options, too many ways, but had to choose a way that would let her know how important she is to me. To give a flower was easy a thing to do. To tell her on a call was easier. Giving something was easier as well. Nothing made sense. The battle was now on, within the realm of my mind, wondering which one was the path I had to take. Of all possible way to let her know, I chose to write a letter. Not an email. But a letter. A handwritten one. Once that was done, I now had to write it. I have lost the count as to how many times I drafted it. Wrote, rewrote, wrote again. Chucked it. Started writing again and rewrote.
To give or not to give was the next. Little did I know that even this was going to be a tough one to deal with. It all appeared to be so easy as a thought, but when it was the time to turn the thoughts into a deed, it was like a journey to reach the horizon. After much deliberation, much time spent, I gave it to her. While I thought the battles were done, I realized that the mainstream battle has just begun. While it was difficult to imagine how things would be, it was much soothing after a conversation.
Never have I forced anyone on anything, never will I. Never have I pressurized anyone, never will I. While I wait, with every passing moment, I feel it growing within me, what I have for her, just increases every single moment surpassing what it ever was before. While I never saw what was right in front of me, once seen, I could not stop seeing.
I guess, the battles will never cease and keep happening.
When things happen as they do and when you realize that there was nothing that you could have done, the only thing that you will end up doing is accepting that they happened. To be more on the specific terms, few months back I realized I was in love. As much happy as I was, I was not sure if it truly was love. I began battling various thoughts to determine if it really was. I did every possible thing to ensure I did not feel the way I felt and did things to determine if I was really in love. But no matter what I did, I just kept loving even more. With every day that passed, it just grew exponentially. The more I was trying to tell myself that I was not in love, the more situations became clearer that I was.
So there I was, confirming that I was indeed in love. A hard hitting reality. It was four years back when I decided that I would never love again, and will never let myself love, intentionally or unintentionally, knowingly or unknowingly. As a result, I did everything that I could do to continue to remain so. Until few months. After that was clear, another battle began. Should I let her know or should I not let her know. Looks like the battles never end. They always are a matter of choice. Constantly. Endlessly. They just remain and keep coming back in various forms. So the battle I began fighting was to let her know or not. It took me over few months to decide on this. No matter how I felt about her, I had to be honest about it and hence I decided to tell her.
Once that went by, the next was to figure out how to tell it to her. Again, too many options, too many ways, but had to choose a way that would let her know how important she is to me. To give a flower was easy a thing to do. To tell her on a call was easier. Giving something was easier as well. Nothing made sense. The battle was now on, within the realm of my mind, wondering which one was the path I had to take. Of all possible way to let her know, I chose to write a letter. Not an email. But a letter. A handwritten one. Once that was done, I now had to write it. I have lost the count as to how many times I drafted it. Wrote, rewrote, wrote again. Chucked it. Started writing again and rewrote.
To give or not to give was the next. Little did I know that even this was going to be a tough one to deal with. It all appeared to be so easy as a thought, but when it was the time to turn the thoughts into a deed, it was like a journey to reach the horizon. After much deliberation, much time spent, I gave it to her. While I thought the battles were done, I realized that the mainstream battle has just begun. While it was difficult to imagine how things would be, it was much soothing after a conversation.
Never have I forced anyone on anything, never will I. Never have I pressurized anyone, never will I. While I wait, with every passing moment, I feel it growing within me, what I have for her, just increases every single moment surpassing what it ever was before. While I never saw what was right in front of me, once seen, I could not stop seeing.
I guess, the battles will never cease and keep happening.
Monday 26 October 2009
To you, my dear..
You quench the thirst of my heart,
With you I never wish to be apart.
With you the whole world looks like a piece of art,
For you I'm willing to make a million fresh a start.
Like a ripple causes several others,
With one cohesive thought of reaching the shore.
Your presence causes a string of events on my life,
With a cohesive thought of wanting to spend rest of life, with you as
it's core.
No matter who I look at, I think if you,
No matter what I do, I think of you.
No matter where I go, I think of you,
You are in every thought that I can't think anything but think of you.
When I see trees and it's leaves, life on it reminds me of you,
When I see a child laughing, it's beautiful laughter reminds me of you.
When I see people in pain and suffering,
It reminds me of you for pain I would go through without you in my
life would me far more worse.
It is you I think of when I write,
It is you I dream of every time I fall asleep.
It is for you that my heart dances in joy when you are in my sight,
In my heart lie emotions equivalent to the abyss's deep.
To you my heart speaks a language
that my mind cannot understand,
Though logic offers serenity over emotions
It's only the feelings for you that I can withstand.
The strength in every king's finger comes to life when he holds his
mighty sword,
And to every person who believes in the lord.
But for me both, the belief and strength comes to life
when we both strike the same chord.
As many thoughts I pen down, the more they come up,
Letting me know that you are my life's essence..
For it is only one life we live,
and only you would make it worthwhile with your adorable presence..
With you I never wish to be apart.
With you the whole world looks like a piece of art,
For you I'm willing to make a million fresh a start.
Like a ripple causes several others,
With one cohesive thought of reaching the shore.
Your presence causes a string of events on my life,
With a cohesive thought of wanting to spend rest of life, with you as
it's core.
No matter who I look at, I think if you,
No matter what I do, I think of you.
No matter where I go, I think of you,
You are in every thought that I can't think anything but think of you.
When I see trees and it's leaves, life on it reminds me of you,
When I see a child laughing, it's beautiful laughter reminds me of you.
When I see people in pain and suffering,
It reminds me of you for pain I would go through without you in my
life would me far more worse.
It is you I think of when I write,
It is you I dream of every time I fall asleep.
It is for you that my heart dances in joy when you are in my sight,
In my heart lie emotions equivalent to the abyss's deep.
To you my heart speaks a language
that my mind cannot understand,
Though logic offers serenity over emotions
It's only the feelings for you that I can withstand.
The strength in every king's finger comes to life when he holds his
mighty sword,
And to every person who believes in the lord.
But for me both, the belief and strength comes to life
when we both strike the same chord.
As many thoughts I pen down, the more they come up,
Letting me know that you are my life's essence..
For it is only one life we live,
and only you would make it worthwhile with your adorable presence..
Friday 23 October 2009
While I travelled..
Old habits die hard. While I travel, I usually write a lot. Lets just say, I use the time in a productive way that I could be proud about. As my history goes, this time around, I did the same. Due to an emergency work, I had to go to Raichur, and this is what I wrote while I was travelling in the train.
Location: Train, Sleeper Coach, Side Lower berth
Date: 21 October 2009
Time: 0030 AM
Here we go..
It is now 0030am. On my way to Raichur, just crossed Gauribidanur. A place not that far from Bangalore. Its been almost two hours since the train departed from Bangalore. While most of the people in the sleeper coach have slept, I am wide awake, typing and writing down my thoughts.
Everytime an inhabited area is passed, darkness glooms, until another inhabited area comes around. It has been happening for quite few times tonight and as the journey goes ahead, there might be some durations of darkness that might appear to be longer than expected. As I set next to a window and look into the darkness, I see flashes. The flashes remind me of great times in my life and they also bring forth the darkest times in my life too. For some strange reason, everytime I see darkness, yes, you read it right, for everytime I see darkness, something in me lights up, more like a bio-luminiscence object within me, perhaps my soul.
While most of the people prefer sleeping in the darkness for they fear what darkness might bring unto them, I stay wide awake, looking right into the eyes of the darkness. Looking into the darkness makes me look into void, a void that otherwsie I would not have looked into. This darkness that continues to elude me for my life time has indeed taught me plenty of things. The dimly lit lights in the bogie throw up a faint light on the ground beside the path of the tracks. As I see the ground moving, I see several stones, some shrubs, a brdige did pass by, river water, sound of the water played in melancholy with that of the rails. As I continued to look into these, I decided to look upwards. What a sight that was.. Cloudless sky, filled with countless stars. Constellations after constellations, twinkles after twinkles, from one end to the other, as far as the horizon goes, the stars shone.
With stars shining in the sky, I began associating the stars to good things that happened in my life with those that I did to the others around me and the darkness between each stars were then associated to the tough times I had between two good things. As i continued doing so, I realized one thing. If you want to make out a pattern, you will make it out. If you look out for a meaning, you will find one. If you just sit an stare, you will just sit and stare. As I continued my exercise for the night, I was glad to see the picture. On more than one occassion, lately, it is the same picture that I have been seeing. Somehow, it reappears over and over again.
The wind continued to blow on my face with a gushing sound. I could feel the sound even as I continued listening to music as loud as I possibly could. Over a period of time, the wind became cooler and cooler and cooler. Was I going into oblivion? Not sure. Was I going into a realm of cold thoughts? Not sure. Was I going into more deeper world where everything was dark and thoughts would continue flashing? Not sure. As I kept thinking on this. I closed my eyes, fell asleep. When I woke up, I was looking at the platform in one of the stations, checked my ipod, music was still on, saw a look on my fellow passengers, kinda anger for keeping the windows open, oops..
As I saw the picture again, I said to myself. This picture makes me smile when world around me is not with me. Being in love was never this soothing..
Location: Train, Sleeper Coach, Side Lower berth
Date: 21 October 2009
Time: 0030 AM
Here we go..
It is now 0030am. On my way to Raichur, just crossed Gauribidanur. A place not that far from Bangalore. Its been almost two hours since the train departed from Bangalore. While most of the people in the sleeper coach have slept, I am wide awake, typing and writing down my thoughts.
Everytime an inhabited area is passed, darkness glooms, until another inhabited area comes around. It has been happening for quite few times tonight and as the journey goes ahead, there might be some durations of darkness that might appear to be longer than expected. As I set next to a window and look into the darkness, I see flashes. The flashes remind me of great times in my life and they also bring forth the darkest times in my life too. For some strange reason, everytime I see darkness, yes, you read it right, for everytime I see darkness, something in me lights up, more like a bio-luminiscence object within me, perhaps my soul.
While most of the people prefer sleeping in the darkness for they fear what darkness might bring unto them, I stay wide awake, looking right into the eyes of the darkness. Looking into the darkness makes me look into void, a void that otherwsie I would not have looked into. This darkness that continues to elude me for my life time has indeed taught me plenty of things. The dimly lit lights in the bogie throw up a faint light on the ground beside the path of the tracks. As I see the ground moving, I see several stones, some shrubs, a brdige did pass by, river water, sound of the water played in melancholy with that of the rails. As I continued to look into these, I decided to look upwards. What a sight that was.. Cloudless sky, filled with countless stars. Constellations after constellations, twinkles after twinkles, from one end to the other, as far as the horizon goes, the stars shone.
With stars shining in the sky, I began associating the stars to good things that happened in my life with those that I did to the others around me and the darkness between each stars were then associated to the tough times I had between two good things. As i continued doing so, I realized one thing. If you want to make out a pattern, you will make it out. If you look out for a meaning, you will find one. If you just sit an stare, you will just sit and stare. As I continued my exercise for the night, I was glad to see the picture. On more than one occassion, lately, it is the same picture that I have been seeing. Somehow, it reappears over and over again.
The wind continued to blow on my face with a gushing sound. I could feel the sound even as I continued listening to music as loud as I possibly could. Over a period of time, the wind became cooler and cooler and cooler. Was I going into oblivion? Not sure. Was I going into a realm of cold thoughts? Not sure. Was I going into more deeper world where everything was dark and thoughts would continue flashing? Not sure. As I kept thinking on this. I closed my eyes, fell asleep. When I woke up, I was looking at the platform in one of the stations, checked my ipod, music was still on, saw a look on my fellow passengers, kinda anger for keeping the windows open, oops..
As I saw the picture again, I said to myself. This picture makes me smile when world around me is not with me. Being in love was never this soothing..
Sunday 18 October 2009
How I wish..
If I were to compare the changes I have gone through as a person in my entire life to what I have undergone in last 6 months, I would say that I have changed magnanimously in last 6 months. Trifold or quadruple or even multiple times more than that, I am glad I have changed the way I have and am a person the way I currently am. Not just that, the last two weeks have given an immense push in reality to me, which I am digesting with every passing minute.
When we wish to have something we need, we often spend every second wishing to get it right away. Every minute passes like an hour and every hour pass like a decade. To live a single day would be like living a lifetime and the period of wait makes you look at your reality and learn lessons which otherwise you would not have learnt. Time, teaches us things in a really weird ways.
The other day I was walking back home from the park where I spend time with the nature, writing. As I came back, I saw a white pigeon fly over me, flapping its wings. I smiled at the bird. Just as looked up at the sky, I noticed that it was densely clouded and at ay moment there were chances of water pouring down heavily upon me. But as I continued looking a the clouds, I saw something falling down to the earth, on which I walked. It looked tiny when I looked at it, but it came down swirling down. As I noticed, it was a feather of the pigeon. A white feather.
Just as I continued to see the feather, too many thoughts started crowding me from all directions in the realm of thoughts. I began wishing if I had feathers, and was able to fly. I wished if I were like an eagle and flew over all man-made concrete jungles. I wished I pierced the wind like a knife and felt wind in my wings. With wings flapping in the presence of the glorious nature, I wished to go to places I could not go right away. Atop Himalayas, on the rocky mountains, over the deep blue sea in which dolphins swam in cohesive nature, see the penguins dive into the ocean.. The thoughts began filling me in.
Just as I continued to think so, I remembered the most important thing that happened to me. Few weeks have passed but its as though I have lived several lifetimes in those days. To wait is something that I have always done without any pain and I enjoyed waiting. Lately I have realized that sometimes there will be some ways in which waiting can make a person restless, eager, anxious.
Every second that passes by makes me feel like I have lived a day, every minute that passes by makes me feel like I have lived a week, every hour that I have lived makes me feel like I have lived a year, every day I have lived makes me feel like I have lived a lifetime. I am waiting to know what happens, how it will happen, what is in store for me, will I finally get what I have wished for, will it happen..
Yes, at this time, this moment, as many thoughts I feel like writing down, I am at the same time not wanting to do the same. How I wish I could say it all..
When we wish to have something we need, we often spend every second wishing to get it right away. Every minute passes like an hour and every hour pass like a decade. To live a single day would be like living a lifetime and the period of wait makes you look at your reality and learn lessons which otherwise you would not have learnt. Time, teaches us things in a really weird ways.
The other day I was walking back home from the park where I spend time with the nature, writing. As I came back, I saw a white pigeon fly over me, flapping its wings. I smiled at the bird. Just as looked up at the sky, I noticed that it was densely clouded and at ay moment there were chances of water pouring down heavily upon me. But as I continued looking a the clouds, I saw something falling down to the earth, on which I walked. It looked tiny when I looked at it, but it came down swirling down. As I noticed, it was a feather of the pigeon. A white feather.
Just as I continued to see the feather, too many thoughts started crowding me from all directions in the realm of thoughts. I began wishing if I had feathers, and was able to fly. I wished if I were like an eagle and flew over all man-made concrete jungles. I wished I pierced the wind like a knife and felt wind in my wings. With wings flapping in the presence of the glorious nature, I wished to go to places I could not go right away. Atop Himalayas, on the rocky mountains, over the deep blue sea in which dolphins swam in cohesive nature, see the penguins dive into the ocean.. The thoughts began filling me in.
Just as I continued to think so, I remembered the most important thing that happened to me. Few weeks have passed but its as though I have lived several lifetimes in those days. To wait is something that I have always done without any pain and I enjoyed waiting. Lately I have realized that sometimes there will be some ways in which waiting can make a person restless, eager, anxious.
Every second that passes by makes me feel like I have lived a day, every minute that passes by makes me feel like I have lived a week, every hour that I have lived makes me feel like I have lived a year, every day I have lived makes me feel like I have lived a lifetime. I am waiting to know what happens, how it will happen, what is in store for me, will I finally get what I have wished for, will it happen..
Yes, at this time, this moment, as many thoughts I feel like writing down, I am at the same time not wanting to do the same. How I wish I could say it all..
Friday 11 September 2009
I dream, I dream of my misery gone
Days become months,and months years,
But loneliness still reigns above all my fears,
For the years that have passed,
Ive been outrun outdone outclassed,
Loneliness has been a constant companion,
This friend in need is a pest indeed!
Loneliness is a presence, a being
An old enemy/friend/lover who stalks my heart.
Loneliness is darkness
A never-ending night.
Even though the black won’t go away,
You’ll never fall asleep.
Because loneliness sparks a fear
And unlike other nightmares
Awakening will not vanish it;
For the darkness is too strong
To allow any rest.
Hurting inside, no one to talk to
to talk this mood through with,
I am used to this solitary introspection
but it still hurts.
After all this time of being alone-
all the months, seasons, people behind me
I still don't get used to the loneliness.
I tried real hard to do this, I tried real hard to make it last
but you can't move on to the future if you can't let go of the past
I dream, I dream of my misery gone
For I had a loved one who is suddenly gone
I Believe in fate for it has lots to take
I Believe in despair for life is not fair
For I had a loved one who is suddenly gone
I dream, I dream of my misery gone
But loneliness still reigns above all my fears,
For the years that have passed,
Ive been outrun outdone outclassed,
Loneliness has been a constant companion,
This friend in need is a pest indeed!
Loneliness is a presence, a being
An old enemy/friend/lover who stalks my heart.
Loneliness is darkness
A never-ending night.
Even though the black won’t go away,
You’ll never fall asleep.
Because loneliness sparks a fear
And unlike other nightmares
Awakening will not vanish it;
For the darkness is too strong
To allow any rest.
Hurting inside, no one to talk to
to talk this mood through with,
I am used to this solitary introspection
but it still hurts.
After all this time of being alone-
all the months, seasons, people behind me
I still don't get used to the loneliness.
I tried real hard to do this, I tried real hard to make it last
but you can't move on to the future if you can't let go of the past
I dream, I dream of my misery gone
For I had a loved one who is suddenly gone
I Believe in fate for it has lots to take
I Believe in despair for life is not fair
For I had a loved one who is suddenly gone
I dream, I dream of my misery gone
Thursday 27 August 2009
Music of the Heart
As I was sitting in the cab on my way back from work, drop by drop, the droplets from the sky came falling down to the earth. In no time, the sound of the rain became so much that it started making me feel good. Stretched my hand out the window, felt the rain, smelled the mud that the breeze carried. As I was living in this moment, amidst the traffic, the song in my ipod that I was listening to, and all the noise around me, I felt my heart beat. Just as began feeling the thumping, thoughts began crowding me..
Sounds that were never heard, Words that were never spoken, Eyes that never saw, Feeling that never was felt, Love that never was returned, Passion that never was given, Pleasure that never was shown, Tears that always were felt, Pain that always was known, Sorrow that never goes away, Happiness that struggles to stay, my heart continued to beat.. As I continued to feel the thumping of my heart, in my heart I realized that many things existed within. I felt them all.
An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Feeling on the other hand is a term we use to describe something that we have already experienced before. While an emotion is more of a soul based concept, feeling is much related to the physical aspects of a person. We never say "I am emotionally hot" but we do say "I feel hot". While I thought the difference between an emotion and a feeling, I realized that almost all of the instances, we tend to diminish the boundary between these two terms and often use one in the place of the other. So much so that both of them have similar meanings in our life. I guess, this is where the heart really plays a role. A role, that perhaps makes a person be what s/he wants to be.
Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub, that is how the rhythm of the heart is. It never goes Lub-Lub-Dub or Lub-Dub-Dub. There is a specific tempo, which in medical terms is called as heart rate. Its amazing to see how that works. For we all know that heart is the organ that pumps blood to all the parts of the body, in emotion, we think that differently. For instance, as of now, I think differently. While my heart continues to pump blood, it also pumps emotions and feelings into my body. As much as my mind wants to control, the involuntary action of an heart superseeds the voluntary requirement of my mind. So, what then is the music of heart?
From what I understand, it is the heart rate that determines the music. Music is a form of art whose medium is sound. If we did not hear the sound of the beats of our heart, we would not know the music of the heart. Music is not just made of rythm, it is also made up of tempo, pitch and various other factors. So is the heartbeat. When we are at ease, heart is in its normal beating rate. When we are sad, it slows down a bit and so it does when are going through a low phase such as depression or low self confidence. It speeds up when we are excited just like some real fast music of some well accomplished rock band. The emotions we are in, the feelings we experience are the external factors that enhance/suppress the music within us.
Just as I say that, another thing comes to my mind. People who love a person or who love a person at very first sight often say that they felt their souls resonate. I might get too technical here, so do pardon me. Resonance occurs when two systems oscillate at same frequency. Strange isnt it? Often only those people love each other who have similar interests or have same view on life or something that is similar. I guess their hearts have similar music and music as an entity does possess certain frequency too. And when the music of two different hearts meet, and oscillate at the same frequency, voila you have Love! We can say the same thing about hate or any negative aspect too.
In addition to that, think of this. Of all the music that we listen on a daily basis, if a music has good drum beats, we often tend to like that almost instantly. Just as we hear those drum beats in the music, we feel that the heart is thumping as well and if there is something we can relate the thumping of our hearts to, we instantly like it or for that matter that being. From innocence begins our journey of life, followed by ignorance and later comes the habit of acceptance. In all this, if there is something that never changes, its the heartbeat of us. Perhaps it is very true that music of the heart is the best music in the world for it continues to tell you that you can indeed survive when everyone you know turns their back at you.
On a closing note, like the saying goes, always hear what your heart says and not heed to what mind needs, for matters of heart are always pure and honest and involve giving then asking. I always listen to my heart and I always do for in my heart lies my pure existence..
In my heart exists sweet devotion
In my heart resides a deep emotion
In my heart does lies true bliss
In my heart I maintain your warm, last kiss
In my heart there still is a burning fire
In my heart burns an endless desire
In my heart our love was built
In my heart I hide no guilt
In my heart I make the memories of our love
In my heart I continue to feel your last hug
In my heart are the Memories of the wars of the past
In my heart they will always last..
Sounds that were never heard, Words that were never spoken, Eyes that never saw, Feeling that never was felt, Love that never was returned, Passion that never was given, Pleasure that never was shown, Tears that always were felt, Pain that always was known, Sorrow that never goes away, Happiness that struggles to stay, my heart continued to beat.. As I continued to feel the thumping of my heart, in my heart I realized that many things existed within. I felt them all.
An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Feeling on the other hand is a term we use to describe something that we have already experienced before. While an emotion is more of a soul based concept, feeling is much related to the physical aspects of a person. We never say "I am emotionally hot" but we do say "I feel hot". While I thought the difference between an emotion and a feeling, I realized that almost all of the instances, we tend to diminish the boundary between these two terms and often use one in the place of the other. So much so that both of them have similar meanings in our life. I guess, this is where the heart really plays a role. A role, that perhaps makes a person be what s/he wants to be.
Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub, that is how the rhythm of the heart is. It never goes Lub-Lub-Dub or Lub-Dub-Dub. There is a specific tempo, which in medical terms is called as heart rate. Its amazing to see how that works. For we all know that heart is the organ that pumps blood to all the parts of the body, in emotion, we think that differently. For instance, as of now, I think differently. While my heart continues to pump blood, it also pumps emotions and feelings into my body. As much as my mind wants to control, the involuntary action of an heart superseeds the voluntary requirement of my mind. So, what then is the music of heart?
From what I understand, it is the heart rate that determines the music. Music is a form of art whose medium is sound. If we did not hear the sound of the beats of our heart, we would not know the music of the heart. Music is not just made of rythm, it is also made up of tempo, pitch and various other factors. So is the heartbeat. When we are at ease, heart is in its normal beating rate. When we are sad, it slows down a bit and so it does when are going through a low phase such as depression or low self confidence. It speeds up when we are excited just like some real fast music of some well accomplished rock band. The emotions we are in, the feelings we experience are the external factors that enhance/suppress the music within us.
Just as I say that, another thing comes to my mind. People who love a person or who love a person at very first sight often say that they felt their souls resonate. I might get too technical here, so do pardon me. Resonance occurs when two systems oscillate at same frequency. Strange isnt it? Often only those people love each other who have similar interests or have same view on life or something that is similar. I guess their hearts have similar music and music as an entity does possess certain frequency too. And when the music of two different hearts meet, and oscillate at the same frequency, voila you have Love! We can say the same thing about hate or any negative aspect too.
In addition to that, think of this. Of all the music that we listen on a daily basis, if a music has good drum beats, we often tend to like that almost instantly. Just as we hear those drum beats in the music, we feel that the heart is thumping as well and if there is something we can relate the thumping of our hearts to, we instantly like it or for that matter that being. From innocence begins our journey of life, followed by ignorance and later comes the habit of acceptance. In all this, if there is something that never changes, its the heartbeat of us. Perhaps it is very true that music of the heart is the best music in the world for it continues to tell you that you can indeed survive when everyone you know turns their back at you.
On a closing note, like the saying goes, always hear what your heart says and not heed to what mind needs, for matters of heart are always pure and honest and involve giving then asking. I always listen to my heart and I always do for in my heart lies my pure existence..
In my heart exists sweet devotion
In my heart resides a deep emotion
In my heart does lies true bliss
In my heart I maintain your warm, last kiss
In my heart there still is a burning fire
In my heart burns an endless desire
In my heart our love was built
In my heart I hide no guilt
In my heart I make the memories of our love
In my heart I continue to feel your last hug
In my heart are the Memories of the wars of the past
In my heart they will always last..
Thursday 6 August 2009
Dreams that I dream, nightmares that i've been having..
From the window pane of the volvo bus, seeing the moon shine in it's glory makes me feel happy and at the same time, reminding of some beautiful times. As the bus continues to move at a brisk pace, I observe the moon, it appears to be moving with me too. But I see a small mountain, big enough to hide the moon from me. Just as I was enjoying the lovely site, a small mountain comes in between the wonderful moon and me. Just as the bus continues to move, I see the mountain covering the moon completely. For those few minutes I experienced an eclipse caused by a mountain, and this instantly brought certain memories right in front of me. As I continued to think of those memories, somewhere in some corner in the streets of the city of my sub conscious mind, I knew, I just knew the moon would be visible and I would bask in it's presence again.
Sometimes when we think about how we associate things to remember things, it just makes me go curious. I get intrigued by this a lot. The moon was my hope in the dark and lonely times, and just as I used to get going with the hope, some huge obstacle appears making me lose the hope. Well what can I say, the mountain was. Perhaps that is how it will always be, for that is how I can appreciate the beauty and the presence of the moon.
The reason I write is because at this very stage if my life, I am confused. On one side I have a path to take because I had promised to myself, a path which was dear to my heart, which now is not. On the other side is a path which is clearly what my needy heart needs the most. It is only until you have missed the train that you realize it's importance, only when you fail the exams by one mark do you realize what is the importance of a single mark. It is only when you lose something dear to you do you understand the importance of having that something dear in you. While I travel, I know one thing. The needs of my heart has changed.
Yes. It has. The train has passed, I fell short of one mark in the exam, I lost yet another time. The weakness in me has increased to much that u know feel like giving into the things tha happen around. But I will not. The quest for the jewel, ends yet another time with me drowning once again. The drowning is such a terrible thing. With every second, I get sucked into the abyss of the ocean, lungs become heavier, difficult to stop breathing, wanting to live, wanting to survive, but yet, somehow, the water manages to be stronger that me.
It might be my fault for not talking about it, but atleast you could have understood it in my eyes. To be without seeing you, even for a day is so difficult. I realized this only when I was not seeing you anymore. I realized your importance when you were no longer there. If only I could go back in time, you would known it all. But now, I am here, looking at the moon, thinking about the dreams in which I keep thinking about you and those nightmares when I don't dream about you.
Sometimes when we think about how we associate things to remember things, it just makes me go curious. I get intrigued by this a lot. The moon was my hope in the dark and lonely times, and just as I used to get going with the hope, some huge obstacle appears making me lose the hope. Well what can I say, the mountain was. Perhaps that is how it will always be, for that is how I can appreciate the beauty and the presence of the moon.
The reason I write is because at this very stage if my life, I am confused. On one side I have a path to take because I had promised to myself, a path which was dear to my heart, which now is not. On the other side is a path which is clearly what my needy heart needs the most. It is only until you have missed the train that you realize it's importance, only when you fail the exams by one mark do you realize what is the importance of a single mark. It is only when you lose something dear to you do you understand the importance of having that something dear in you. While I travel, I know one thing. The needs of my heart has changed.
Yes. It has. The train has passed, I fell short of one mark in the exam, I lost yet another time. The weakness in me has increased to much that u know feel like giving into the things tha happen around. But I will not. The quest for the jewel, ends yet another time with me drowning once again. The drowning is such a terrible thing. With every second, I get sucked into the abyss of the ocean, lungs become heavier, difficult to stop breathing, wanting to live, wanting to survive, but yet, somehow, the water manages to be stronger that me.
It might be my fault for not talking about it, but atleast you could have understood it in my eyes. To be without seeing you, even for a day is so difficult. I realized this only when I was not seeing you anymore. I realized your importance when you were no longer there. If only I could go back in time, you would known it all. But now, I am here, looking at the moon, thinking about the dreams in which I keep thinking about you and those nightmares when I don't dream about you.
Monday 27 July 2009
The Mask
No, I'm not referring to the mask that Jim Carrey wore in the movie named "The Mask". I'm referring to a much more serious thought over here.
Time and time again, over and over again, I have seen people do this. As a person even I have done it and had been doing it. Most of the times i've done it to get rid of certain things/situations. Some times I have done it to a avoid certain people too. I am talking about the mask a person wears to not let others know what the person is all about. No matter who we are with, we always wear a mask. And we have been wearing it for such a long time that we have begin to forget who we really are. Not just me. It's the same with everyone around us. Sometimes I do not understand as to why we tend not to be who we really are.
Let me elaborate this even further. A guy and a girl, I will try to explain the phenomenon of wearing mask from both the views.
When a girl likes a guy or is in love with a guy, she would do so after having analyzed every possible way of failure of the relationship and only when she feels confident that the relation is not goig to fail, or say at the least when she is completely certain, she moves on to the next step. Until this point, she is wearing a mask. With that, her real identity is not visible to all, for she is afraid that someone might take an advantage of her. She resents her emotions, tries to strengthen herself, and at times becomes cold to even react.
Lets look how a guy thinks.
When a guy likes/loves a girl, all that goes on in his mind is how he can convince the girl that he is the one for her. In an event to pursue This he shuns his identity, wears a mask that resembles on how she wants him to be. Over a period of time, he has continues to be the same, and the mask he wore becomes his current identity. At this moment, no matter how much he tries to take it off, he now knows that he cannot forsake the mask.
Another instance, I will tell this from a guy's perspective only.
I would not agree if someone says that all the guys are unemotional. I would also disagree if you say that some guys are unemotional. All I say is all the guys are emotional. Just like any other girl. Afterall, it is the emotional quotient of a person that determines how well they can handle emotional levels in relation, be it a girl or be it a boy. Comin back to what I was saying, a guy also feels threatened as much as a girl does when his emotions are exposed. As a result, almost all put a mask of a hard hearted guy who could tolerate anythng. We all wear masks to protect ourselves. If it was for an instance or two, it is totally understandable as well acceptable. Unfortunately, these days, we end up wearing masks all the time. So much so that we don't know whom we are actually talkin to.
When I began thinking about this, I found that the feeling of being insecure is what leads us to wear a mask. I think the best way to possibly explain what I think, i will use my life. For quite a long time, I was under the impression that I must let anyone know what I as a person was. Yes, I always said what I wanted to, never thought twice, but at the sametime expressed any emotions I was going through. I never realized the mask concept until I began working. The insecurities were so much hovering at the workplace that I used to feel that I am working in the worldmofni security. It is only when I interacted with various people at work and understood the problems they face in their respective daily lives did I understand the actual importance of the mask in lives. Until then I had no idea what why how where and when the mask would be needed.
I would be a liar if I were to say I never wore a mask to hide my insecurities to protect myself from various possible attacks. But some over period of time, while I as using this mask, I began losing my actual identity. I now had a different persona of myself and everyte I looked at the mirror I knew I was not looking at myself. It is when I could see no more of th new me did I realize one thing..
It is not how well we are when we wear a mask to get what we want or be, but it is how well we can be without wearing the mask.
Time and time again, over and over again, I have seen people do this. As a person even I have done it and had been doing it. Most of the times i've done it to get rid of certain things/situations. Some times I have done it to a avoid certain people too. I am talking about the mask a person wears to not let others know what the person is all about. No matter who we are with, we always wear a mask. And we have been wearing it for such a long time that we have begin to forget who we really are. Not just me. It's the same with everyone around us. Sometimes I do not understand as to why we tend not to be who we really are.
Let me elaborate this even further. A guy and a girl, I will try to explain the phenomenon of wearing mask from both the views.
When a girl likes a guy or is in love with a guy, she would do so after having analyzed every possible way of failure of the relationship and only when she feels confident that the relation is not goig to fail, or say at the least when she is completely certain, she moves on to the next step. Until this point, she is wearing a mask. With that, her real identity is not visible to all, for she is afraid that someone might take an advantage of her. She resents her emotions, tries to strengthen herself, and at times becomes cold to even react.
Lets look how a guy thinks.
When a guy likes/loves a girl, all that goes on in his mind is how he can convince the girl that he is the one for her. In an event to pursue This he shuns his identity, wears a mask that resembles on how she wants him to be. Over a period of time, he has continues to be the same, and the mask he wore becomes his current identity. At this moment, no matter how much he tries to take it off, he now knows that he cannot forsake the mask.
Another instance, I will tell this from a guy's perspective only.
I would not agree if someone says that all the guys are unemotional. I would also disagree if you say that some guys are unemotional. All I say is all the guys are emotional. Just like any other girl. Afterall, it is the emotional quotient of a person that determines how well they can handle emotional levels in relation, be it a girl or be it a boy. Comin back to what I was saying, a guy also feels threatened as much as a girl does when his emotions are exposed. As a result, almost all put a mask of a hard hearted guy who could tolerate anythng. We all wear masks to protect ourselves. If it was for an instance or two, it is totally understandable as well acceptable. Unfortunately, these days, we end up wearing masks all the time. So much so that we don't know whom we are actually talkin to.
When I began thinking about this, I found that the feeling of being insecure is what leads us to wear a mask. I think the best way to possibly explain what I think, i will use my life. For quite a long time, I was under the impression that I must let anyone know what I as a person was. Yes, I always said what I wanted to, never thought twice, but at the sametime expressed any emotions I was going through. I never realized the mask concept until I began working. The insecurities were so much hovering at the workplace that I used to feel that I am working in the worldmofni security. It is only when I interacted with various people at work and understood the problems they face in their respective daily lives did I understand the actual importance of the mask in lives. Until then I had no idea what why how where and when the mask would be needed.
I would be a liar if I were to say I never wore a mask to hide my insecurities to protect myself from various possible attacks. But some over period of time, while I as using this mask, I began losing my actual identity. I now had a different persona of myself and everyte I looked at the mirror I knew I was not looking at myself. It is when I could see no more of th new me did I realize one thing..
It is not how well we are when we wear a mask to get what we want or be, but it is how well we can be without wearing the mask.
Sunday 19 July 2009
Trip to Mangalore - Part 2
So it was around 11pm, I was sitting on bed and surfing the channels in the tiny tv in the room that I had hired for two days. Whilst I was changing the channels., my mind began taking me into different places. It was like a feeling of being in more than one place in a single time. As the minutes began to pass, and the rain moved on from mere drizzles to heavy showers, and as the temperature of the place began going down the mercury line, I was being crowded in the world where my thoughts were the living beings. Too many things had happened in one day. Love, happiness, joy, fun dissapointment, name it. I had experienced it all. Although, I will not write about the sadness in here for this post, I will surely write on how the next day unfolded.
As decided, I was to go to Naveera's home for a lovely lunch. Here is the thing. It is not very common a thing, atleast for the last decade, which by the way, now is not a big thing anyways. You will know what I am talking about. So as decided, I was to vist her home for lunch. I have a very terrible habbit of not visiting someone for lunch at their home and not take anything. I was not sure what her parents would like or for that matter what they do not. Without complicating my mind in order to get something, I headed to Nilgiris, and got some fruits (wet as well as dry fruits). As much tiredness was trying to overpower me, mainly the fatigue of travelling and the sleepless night due to various things, I managed to stay lively.
As I entered her home, her sister Raveena greeted me in, followed by her Mom. Lovely home, big, spacious, had a lot of positive energy that made me feel the positive vibes as I entered the home. As I found out it was not their own house, I realised the cost of rent for such a mansion looking for so less that a similar one in Bangalore would be almost 5 times to what they were paying.I was stunned. The balcony had a view of a huge garden like space, and a feeling of a jungle. The green made the leaves of the trees look lush green. Greenery at its real green essence. When I saw the trees, I was very happy, it was jungle calling for me i guess.
UNcle came aftera while and we began talking,. Apparently they were in Bangalore for 8 years. So him and I started talking about how Bangalore was, like 8-10 years ago. We both kinda got along really well. We had too many topics to discuss. I did not realize it was 1430, a time that was already too late to have lunch, but for me, I was just getting started. I am a person who loves food, and if it is meat, I love it all the more. No offence to vegetarians here, but animals/birds are there for a reason too! Aunt had cooked Chicken curry, Chicken Biriyani, soup, rotti. It was indeed a delicious lunch. No complaints whatsoever. I was really hungry when I began lunch and afterI finished, was hungry no more. I was full.
We had vanilla ice cream after the lunch, I was even more happier. We sat there, watching a cartoon, waiting for the rain to stop showing its magic. This was the first instance of me going to a coastal place and not hitting the beach. The moment it stopped raining, we decided to step out of the house and head for the beach. This made me happy. IN 20 minutes, we reaced a place called as "Sultan Batteri".. I was told that the journey to reach the beach is really good, never anticipated it to be this good.
After travelling in the auto for about 20 minutes, we reached the banks of a river, I dont know the name, but it sure is a river. No doubt on that one. We had to take a ferry, cross the river and go to the other side to reach the beach. Just as we sat in the ferry, it began raining. I must say, the scene was really eye pleasing. We sitting in the ferry, clouds showering the water droplets, the view of the river waves creating uncountable ripples due to the rain water was really amazing. I loved it. The blowing breeze just added to the pleasure. The roars of the sea waves hitting the shore were so loud, we could actually hear them while we were sitting in the ferry..
Rs. 3/- for one way travel, so its Rs. 6/- person to go to the beach and come back. Around 100 trips with a minimum of 30 people in one trip. That is Rs. 18000/- per day.. For a moment, I felt I was better off being a ferry owner !! That is how much they make in a day and it increases in the actual season. They appeared to be happy in what they do and were getting paid good as well. I told my friend, "You know something, I miss this life in Bangalore."
We reached the shore and got off the ferry and began to walk towards the shore. As I walked, the happiness in me began multiplying. Beaches, for some unknown reason to me, bring pleasure in me and fill me with joy. I get completely refreshed when I hit a beach. All my tensons, all my worries, all the pain and the sadness just disappear when I see the waves hittting the shore, As much dreadful as the waves are, when they hit the shore, they seem to low down on energy. Similar to the problems. As much dreadful the problems appear to be, they always mellow down over a time when they meet the person who has a solution for them.
We had to walk a while to reach the shore and this walk was what made the path to the shore all the more divine. We had to walk through huge trees, a small path that was formed due to people walking for a long time. The moment I saw this, I smiled, Again, due to the train, the leaves were so green, the sea almost lost its beauty because of the lovely large trees. The more we reaced nearer the shore, the more louder was the sound of the waves. The more louder the sound of waves became, the more happier I grew. The moment we came out of the belt of trees, the wind hit my face and I knew, this was the time I replenish my energy levels. Ah the ocean.. I love thee..
Long stretch of the lovely large trees by the shore made the beach look really good and it being less inhabitated by people made it even more a pleasurable sight. Three of us decided to take a walk. Walk along the beach ! For an hour we were walking. Never really felt like an hour had passed by. Seeing the birds get back to their nest made me feel that no matter how much we focus on career, life, luxury, at the end of the day, we always need our loved ones, to give that essence for our survival. As we walked, we also noticed that a huge shipo had sunk in few hundred meters from the shore. It only made me realize that a man can never be as strong as nature is. The waves were hitting the 98% sunk ship with the might they always do. The resulting sound was similar to the thrill the roar of a lion is. Just as we walked further, we saw another ship that was sunk, but this was much more clearly visible. Same thoughts, came along this time as well.
We decided to head back as it was getting dark. While we were waiting for the ferry come pick us up, I again said "I miss this life of simplicity in Bangalore. Living with nature, being in its arms, and not living in the concrete jungle makes me really happy. Here I do not have to worry about internet, downloads, facebook, colleagues, my job that is so challenging.. Life here is so technology free, I just am very happy.. But alas! I have to go back, to ensure these little pleasures are valued all the more for in missing something we know the actual value of it." Although my bus back to Bangalore was at 2215, we had much more time to spend, so we decided to go to Coffee Day.
We came to the same mall where we were the previous evening. As we sat in the coffee day, we began discussing about the good old school days and all those hot topics of the school. Honestly, no matter how many times you talk about school days, you never get to drain the fun element. Every time you talk, you find out something new. No other phase of one's life has this much amount of fun element. I am just glad I had such a phenomenal childhood and school days. We laughed at so many pranks that there played in school. It was really fun cherishing those days. Alright alright, I know I am repeating the same thing over and over again.
For a moment, I wished the time had just stopped and we continued talking all the more, but we all had to move on. Bidding adieu to the lovely ladies, I headed back to my room at the lodge. Little did I know what the night had in store for me..
..To be continued in Part 3..
As decided, I was to go to Naveera's home for a lovely lunch. Here is the thing. It is not very common a thing, atleast for the last decade, which by the way, now is not a big thing anyways. You will know what I am talking about. So as decided, I was to vist her home for lunch. I have a very terrible habbit of not visiting someone for lunch at their home and not take anything. I was not sure what her parents would like or for that matter what they do not. Without complicating my mind in order to get something, I headed to Nilgiris, and got some fruits (wet as well as dry fruits). As much tiredness was trying to overpower me, mainly the fatigue of travelling and the sleepless night due to various things, I managed to stay lively.
As I entered her home, her sister Raveena greeted me in, followed by her Mom. Lovely home, big, spacious, had a lot of positive energy that made me feel the positive vibes as I entered the home. As I found out it was not their own house, I realised the cost of rent for such a mansion looking for so less that a similar one in Bangalore would be almost 5 times to what they were paying.I was stunned. The balcony had a view of a huge garden like space, and a feeling of a jungle. The green made the leaves of the trees look lush green. Greenery at its real green essence. When I saw the trees, I was very happy, it was jungle calling for me i guess.
UNcle came aftera while and we began talking,. Apparently they were in Bangalore for 8 years. So him and I started talking about how Bangalore was, like 8-10 years ago. We both kinda got along really well. We had too many topics to discuss. I did not realize it was 1430, a time that was already too late to have lunch, but for me, I was just getting started. I am a person who loves food, and if it is meat, I love it all the more. No offence to vegetarians here, but animals/birds are there for a reason too! Aunt had cooked Chicken curry, Chicken Biriyani, soup, rotti. It was indeed a delicious lunch. No complaints whatsoever. I was really hungry when I began lunch and afterI finished, was hungry no more. I was full.
We had vanilla ice cream after the lunch, I was even more happier. We sat there, watching a cartoon, waiting for the rain to stop showing its magic. This was the first instance of me going to a coastal place and not hitting the beach. The moment it stopped raining, we decided to step out of the house and head for the beach. This made me happy. IN 20 minutes, we reaced a place called as "Sultan Batteri".. I was told that the journey to reach the beach is really good, never anticipated it to be this good.
After travelling in the auto for about 20 minutes, we reached the banks of a river, I dont know the name, but it sure is a river. No doubt on that one. We had to take a ferry, cross the river and go to the other side to reach the beach. Just as we sat in the ferry, it began raining. I must say, the scene was really eye pleasing. We sitting in the ferry, clouds showering the water droplets, the view of the river waves creating uncountable ripples due to the rain water was really amazing. I loved it. The blowing breeze just added to the pleasure. The roars of the sea waves hitting the shore were so loud, we could actually hear them while we were sitting in the ferry..
Rs. 3/- for one way travel, so its Rs. 6/- person to go to the beach and come back. Around 100 trips with a minimum of 30 people in one trip. That is Rs. 18000/- per day.. For a moment, I felt I was better off being a ferry owner !! That is how much they make in a day and it increases in the actual season. They appeared to be happy in what they do and were getting paid good as well. I told my friend, "You know something, I miss this life in Bangalore."
We reached the shore and got off the ferry and began to walk towards the shore. As I walked, the happiness in me began multiplying. Beaches, for some unknown reason to me, bring pleasure in me and fill me with joy. I get completely refreshed when I hit a beach. All my tensons, all my worries, all the pain and the sadness just disappear when I see the waves hittting the shore, As much dreadful as the waves are, when they hit the shore, they seem to low down on energy. Similar to the problems. As much dreadful the problems appear to be, they always mellow down over a time when they meet the person who has a solution for them.
We had to walk a while to reach the shore and this walk was what made the path to the shore all the more divine. We had to walk through huge trees, a small path that was formed due to people walking for a long time. The moment I saw this, I smiled, Again, due to the train, the leaves were so green, the sea almost lost its beauty because of the lovely large trees. The more we reaced nearer the shore, the more louder was the sound of the waves. The more louder the sound of waves became, the more happier I grew. The moment we came out of the belt of trees, the wind hit my face and I knew, this was the time I replenish my energy levels. Ah the ocean.. I love thee..
Long stretch of the lovely large trees by the shore made the beach look really good and it being less inhabitated by people made it even more a pleasurable sight. Three of us decided to take a walk. Walk along the beach ! For an hour we were walking. Never really felt like an hour had passed by. Seeing the birds get back to their nest made me feel that no matter how much we focus on career, life, luxury, at the end of the day, we always need our loved ones, to give that essence for our survival. As we walked, we also noticed that a huge shipo had sunk in few hundred meters from the shore. It only made me realize that a man can never be as strong as nature is. The waves were hitting the 98% sunk ship with the might they always do. The resulting sound was similar to the thrill the roar of a lion is. Just as we walked further, we saw another ship that was sunk, but this was much more clearly visible. Same thoughts, came along this time as well.
We decided to head back as it was getting dark. While we were waiting for the ferry come pick us up, I again said "I miss this life of simplicity in Bangalore. Living with nature, being in its arms, and not living in the concrete jungle makes me really happy. Here I do not have to worry about internet, downloads, facebook, colleagues, my job that is so challenging.. Life here is so technology free, I just am very happy.. But alas! I have to go back, to ensure these little pleasures are valued all the more for in missing something we know the actual value of it." Although my bus back to Bangalore was at 2215, we had much more time to spend, so we decided to go to Coffee Day.
We came to the same mall where we were the previous evening. As we sat in the coffee day, we began discussing about the good old school days and all those hot topics of the school. Honestly, no matter how many times you talk about school days, you never get to drain the fun element. Every time you talk, you find out something new. No other phase of one's life has this much amount of fun element. I am just glad I had such a phenomenal childhood and school days. We laughed at so many pranks that there played in school. It was really fun cherishing those days. Alright alright, I know I am repeating the same thing over and over again.
For a moment, I wished the time had just stopped and we continued talking all the more, but we all had to move on. Bidding adieu to the lovely ladies, I headed back to my room at the lodge. Little did I know what the night had in store for me..
..To be continued in Part 3..
Friday 17 July 2009
Trip to Mangalore - Part 1
Mixed emotions is what I am going through right now. Sometimes I think it is good if we do not plan anything and let life take it's course. Just sometimes..
A trip to Mangalore happened in just a discussion over a call. She asked me to come and i said yes. That is how I ended u spending my previous weekend. At Mangalore, and it was never short of a roller coaster ride, time loved swiftly and made me go through so many things. Hence, as
mentioned earlier, I am going through mixed emotions. As I write this, all the events that occurred in last 48 hours are just flashing in my eyes, and for once, I am not resenting any of them. As I write, I realize that the events have taught me immense lessons.
Having taken leave on Friday and on Monday, I had ensured to have adequate time for the long weekend that I had planned. I am glad I planned it, and in a while you will know why..
Somehow, no matter how much you plan and prepare, when it's time for you to either go board the bus or reach a railway station or airport, panic shows up. Thisjis something I have been wondering about. It was same with me. On Friday I had to attend. Wedding of my very dear and good Friend from school. After that, same back home, watched a movie, slept for an hour. Went out to get some DVD's that the lady wanted. Came back and watched two episodes of prison break final season, it was ok. I guess somehow time slipped away. Finally I got the bus and there I was, on my journey to Mangalore, by bus.
Took us almost 9 hours, in Volvo, to reach Mangalore. Though I had visited the place a few times, the names of the areas are something that I just cannot get around with. I had to book a room at a lodge and am glad I had asked her to check and message me the names with the areas in which they were. In an area called Kankanady, there is a lodge named West Side Inn. Got myself a single bedroom without AC. Oh, I forgot to tell you. This is the real terrible season to visit a Coastal area. I was welcomed with heavy rain, with the gushing sound of the droplets hitting everything when they came crashing down from the skies.
In a land and place unknown to me, I preferred to stay back at the lodge until I got further instructions on what I had to do. While I was waiting, I managed to refresh myself. I was not really tired as the volvo was quite good for travelling long distances by road.
As there were not too many places to hang out in Mangalore, we decided to meet at a mall called as the 'Bharath Mall'. Luckily, Transformers 2 had released. We now had a good reason to watch it, to kill time!! As I got to the mall earlier, I picked up the tickets. Three of them. Naveera, Raveena and me. Doctor, budding engineer and an established labor respectively. Yeah you read it right!
We spent almost an hour and a half at the coffee day at the mall and spoke about almost everything under the sun. I had met my friends from school after almost 12 years. As long as that might seem to be, when we met, we felt as if school days were over just a few weeks back. I must say, that is the charm if the school days. May be that is the reason we all muss our school days so much. You know, I have met people who just end up being jealous when they get to hear their friend is probably going to get married soon. I had been wondering about that for a while now. Looks like I now have an answer for that one. Apparently people compare themselves to the one getting married and feel bad that they were not able to find someone for themselves. Well, I guessnin their case insecurity always manages to strike a win. But when I get to hear a friend of mne is probably going to get married, I sme and say to myself, "I am glad I'm jot n that race anymore".
So yes, the doctor had got a marriage proposal and she was kinda liking the guy. I was happy for her, especially after all the things that she had gone through. And this was the news she wanted to tell me. I kinda anticipated it so was not really surprised. But at the end of the discussion I was very happy for her. So without wasting much more time in the coffee day, we headed to window shop in the mall, for there was quite a while left for the movie to begin. Half an hour later we were in the cine hall waiting fir the most anticipated summer action flick from the prodution house that was seven seas across, yupp that's the Hollywood.
Almost two and half hours later, I knew one thing. Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime were everyone's favourite. Although story was not that great, action sequences were really mind blowing. Michael Bay has his way of exploding things for sure. Give him permission and he wil blow pyramids in the most coolest manner for sure. Transformers 2: rise of the fallen was a visual treat for sure, so was Megan Fox, god she is hot.
We later went for bowling.. That was fun all the wAy. To teach girls to bowl is like inventing a new element. But the joy is worth it. Raveena played few car races and I was quite surprised with her driving skills. She wl do great in Destruction Derby for sure, no doubt about it. This was followed by touch hockey, oh I love that game. We played that game for a while and then moved out.. It as time for the ladies to get back to their home, and I had to go to my room. Damn, these are the times when I wish the might lives in certain places to last all night long..
So that was the part 1 for about the trip to Mangalore.. Part 2 is more exciting!!
A trip to Mangalore happened in just a discussion over a call. She asked me to come and i said yes. That is how I ended u spending my previous weekend. At Mangalore, and it was never short of a roller coaster ride, time loved swiftly and made me go through so many things. Hence, as
mentioned earlier, I am going through mixed emotions. As I write this, all the events that occurred in last 48 hours are just flashing in my eyes, and for once, I am not resenting any of them. As I write, I realize that the events have taught me immense lessons.
Having taken leave on Friday and on Monday, I had ensured to have adequate time for the long weekend that I had planned. I am glad I planned it, and in a while you will know why..
Somehow, no matter how much you plan and prepare, when it's time for you to either go board the bus or reach a railway station or airport, panic shows up. Thisjis something I have been wondering about. It was same with me. On Friday I had to attend. Wedding of my very dear and good Friend from school. After that, same back home, watched a movie, slept for an hour. Went out to get some DVD's that the lady wanted. Came back and watched two episodes of prison break final season, it was ok. I guess somehow time slipped away. Finally I got the bus and there I was, on my journey to Mangalore, by bus.
Took us almost 9 hours, in Volvo, to reach Mangalore. Though I had visited the place a few times, the names of the areas are something that I just cannot get around with. I had to book a room at a lodge and am glad I had asked her to check and message me the names with the areas in which they were. In an area called Kankanady, there is a lodge named West Side Inn. Got myself a single bedroom without AC. Oh, I forgot to tell you. This is the real terrible season to visit a Coastal area. I was welcomed with heavy rain, with the gushing sound of the droplets hitting everything when they came crashing down from the skies.
In a land and place unknown to me, I preferred to stay back at the lodge until I got further instructions on what I had to do. While I was waiting, I managed to refresh myself. I was not really tired as the volvo was quite good for travelling long distances by road.
As there were not too many places to hang out in Mangalore, we decided to meet at a mall called as the 'Bharath Mall'. Luckily, Transformers 2 had released. We now had a good reason to watch it, to kill time!! As I got to the mall earlier, I picked up the tickets. Three of them. Naveera, Raveena and me. Doctor, budding engineer and an established labor respectively. Yeah you read it right!
We spent almost an hour and a half at the coffee day at the mall and spoke about almost everything under the sun. I had met my friends from school after almost 12 years. As long as that might seem to be, when we met, we felt as if school days were over just a few weeks back. I must say, that is the charm if the school days. May be that is the reason we all muss our school days so much. You know, I have met people who just end up being jealous when they get to hear their friend is probably going to get married soon. I had been wondering about that for a while now. Looks like I now have an answer for that one. Apparently people compare themselves to the one getting married and feel bad that they were not able to find someone for themselves. Well, I guessnin their case insecurity always manages to strike a win. But when I get to hear a friend of mne is probably going to get married, I sme and say to myself, "I am glad I'm jot n that race anymore".
So yes, the doctor had got a marriage proposal and she was kinda liking the guy. I was happy for her, especially after all the things that she had gone through. And this was the news she wanted to tell me. I kinda anticipated it so was not really surprised. But at the end of the discussion I was very happy for her. So without wasting much more time in the coffee day, we headed to window shop in the mall, for there was quite a while left for the movie to begin. Half an hour later we were in the cine hall waiting fir the most anticipated summer action flick from the prodution house that was seven seas across, yupp that's the Hollywood.
Almost two and half hours later, I knew one thing. Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime were everyone's favourite. Although story was not that great, action sequences were really mind blowing. Michael Bay has his way of exploding things for sure. Give him permission and he wil blow pyramids in the most coolest manner for sure. Transformers 2: rise of the fallen was a visual treat for sure, so was Megan Fox, god she is hot.
We later went for bowling.. That was fun all the wAy. To teach girls to bowl is like inventing a new element. But the joy is worth it. Raveena played few car races and I was quite surprised with her driving skills. She wl do great in Destruction Derby for sure, no doubt about it. This was followed by touch hockey, oh I love that game. We played that game for a while and then moved out.. It as time for the ladies to get back to their home, and I had to go to my room. Damn, these are the times when I wish the might lives in certain places to last all night long..
So that was the part 1 for about the trip to Mangalore.. Part 2 is more exciting!!
Monday 13 July 2009
Amrutha's Wedding
Date: 10 July 2009
Venue: Bunt's Society Hall at Vijayanagar, Bangalore
Time: 10:45am
As I woke up with laziness filled in me, I found that I had no mood to attend the wedding. But I remember what I had told Amrutha. I remember that day when she called me and told me that her marriage got fixed and she would be gettin married in few months. I was so happy for her. For I remember how much she wanted to get married and how much struggle and more struggle her parents were putting in searching a decent groom for her. I must tell you, their efforts really pAid off!!!!
So here I am, sitting in the hall, looking at the proceedings of the wedding. I now begin to think that day whe she called mr to invite me for her engagement. I really wanted to go. But due to my work schexile I could not attend her wedding. Looking at the arrangements and importance given to every minute detail of the wedding, I am sure the engagement went very well too.
Dressed in a typical south Indian way, a saree with lot of fashionable golden jewellery, a lovely hair do that is decorated with White flowers, and the most important thing, a great smile on face, I see my friend fr my school days sitting with a man equally dressed in a typical south Indian fashion, no shirt, only a White dhothi, aa lovely White cloth with silk embroidery as a turban, and equally great smile on his face s well. In addition to that both wear a garland around their nck that just adds to the picturesque scene in this hall. The hall is filled with humdred's of people, looks like it's a fashion show for marrid woman, for most of them find marriages as a platform to display their jewellery collection as well as their clothe collection. Poor husband's of theirs. I shall cover it in some other blog but right now I happy and I will stick to happiness.
There is a saying in Indian customs. The amount of happiness in marriage, satisfaction and joy in marriage is directly proportional to the amount of people that attend the wedding. With that said, there is no doubt mind that my lovely friend will be happy. Just as I think about her future married life, I get flashes of our childhood. Those golden school days, those years that were lovely and filled us with cherishable everlasting memories. The time we had spent in school remind me of fun times, and looking at my friend with her partner for life makes me realize that life indeed has come a long way, a real long way. Although we did come a long way, one fact remains and for my friend, the journey has just begun.
This one is to you my friend.
Wish you both a very happy, fun filled, roller coaster ride like, a dream like and enriching married life..
Venue: Bunt's Society Hall at Vijayanagar, Bangalore
Time: 10:45am
As I woke up with laziness filled in me, I found that I had no mood to attend the wedding. But I remember what I had told Amrutha. I remember that day when she called me and told me that her marriage got fixed and she would be gettin married in few months. I was so happy for her. For I remember how much she wanted to get married and how much struggle and more struggle her parents were putting in searching a decent groom for her. I must tell you, their efforts really pAid off!!!!
So here I am, sitting in the hall, looking at the proceedings of the wedding. I now begin to think that day whe she called mr to invite me for her engagement. I really wanted to go. But due to my work schexile I could not attend her wedding. Looking at the arrangements and importance given to every minute detail of the wedding, I am sure the engagement went very well too.
Dressed in a typical south Indian way, a saree with lot of fashionable golden jewellery, a lovely hair do that is decorated with White flowers, and the most important thing, a great smile on face, I see my friend fr my school days sitting with a man equally dressed in a typical south Indian fashion, no shirt, only a White dhothi, aa lovely White cloth with silk embroidery as a turban, and equally great smile on his face s well. In addition to that both wear a garland around their nck that just adds to the picturesque scene in this hall. The hall is filled with humdred's of people, looks like it's a fashion show for marrid woman, for most of them find marriages as a platform to display their jewellery collection as well as their clothe collection. Poor husband's of theirs. I shall cover it in some other blog but right now I happy and I will stick to happiness.
There is a saying in Indian customs. The amount of happiness in marriage, satisfaction and joy in marriage is directly proportional to the amount of people that attend the wedding. With that said, there is no doubt mind that my lovely friend will be happy. Just as I think about her future married life, I get flashes of our childhood. Those golden school days, those years that were lovely and filled us with cherishable everlasting memories. The time we had spent in school remind me of fun times, and looking at my friend with her partner for life makes me realize that life indeed has come a long way, a real long way. Although we did come a long way, one fact remains and for my friend, the journey has just begun.
This one is to you my friend.
Wish you both a very happy, fun filled, roller coaster ride like, a dream like and enriching married life..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)